h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Jen and Fly walked the rest of the night without saying a word. Rich was stand-by on the walkie-talkie, but they knew the way to Tzatzikistan, so there was no need to bother him. The two girls enjoyed the silence. By the time they reached the border, the sun had already begun to introduce feeble rays on the kingdom.
After a few minutes, they passed a sign
'WELCOME TO SIRTAKIVILLE'
'Ah thank God we're here. I'm exhausted',said Fly.
'So am I'
They had barely ended this short dialogue, when they came across another sign.
'YOU ARE LEAVING SIRTAKIVILLE'
Fly was stunned: 'Jen, are you sure this is the right Sirtakiville? It's only a road with three buildings. How strange.'
'This can only be good, Fly, I bet our lady is in one of these edifices.'
They walked back.
In the middle was the largest building. It was a mini-mini castle.
It also bore a sign.
'MANOR/DANCE HALL'
Jen tried knocking.
No one came.
Fly pushed a bit and the door opened.
They went in.
Inside was a very small parlour with a bench.
The girls, who were deadbeat by now, were glad to find a place to sit.
Fly exclaimed: 'Look Jen. There!'
On the wall was another sign.'FOR MAYORESS GOLDFISH - ONE TINGELING. FOR POISSON D'OR - TWO TINGELINGS.'
Next to it stood a large handbell.
Jen tried one tingeling.
An attractive young woman came stumbling in.
'What an untimely visit! Just out of bed.
How can I help you, ladies?'
'I'm Jennifer and this is my friend Catharina. We believe you have a letter for us.'
'A letter? From whom? I will check my mail, but I don't think I can help you.'
'You don't understand. I mean a letter from the alphabet.'
Jen winked.
The mayoress winked back.
Jen nudged.
The mayoress nudged back.
Jen was getting frustrated and wanted to give up, only Fly had taken the handbell again and tingelinged twice.
The mayoress disappeared.
Ten minutes later, the same lady entered. Only now she was a bombshell.
Dressed to kill. On her head she wore a crown of well... the visualised pedigree of the berry family. As a bikini top she had two coconut halves. Her belly button was hidden by a slice of starfruit. Draped around her waist was a banana mini-skirt and her red shoes were decorated by two kumquats as pompons.
'Hi, ladies, my friends call me Poisson D'Or. I teach dance. All dances, with a preference for belly dancing.'
The girls were impressed.
Jen tried again.
'Have you got a letter for us?'
The dancer eyed Jen mysteriously.
'Affirmative.However, this is not the time nor the place.And I'm not 'giving' you the letter. Oh no, it's for you to 'discover' it.
First of all, you girls need a good sleep. I'll take care of your things. Come with me.'
Jen and Fly followed the nice lady to a tiny space.
Big enough to sleep in, though, and the girls soon zzzzzzzzzzzzd.
If walls could talk, they would have confirmed that Fly snored.

Morning wore on and the sun shone full gear. In Taramasalatania as well. Let's see what Betsy's doing. She's behind the oak again!
Has she brought her walkie-talkie? Yeah sure!
'CREME BRULEE for CHERRY BLOSSOM'
'Yes, Betsy?'
'I'm 'ere, boss. So I just wait till some bloke brings my ping-ping, right?'
'Indeed, Betsy. What are you going to do with it?'
'Well, my laddie wants to go to this new world, so maybe we could go on one of 'em shippies of that colombo-dude. Only I've never seen the sea. My laddie says it's like a bath, only bigger. I wonder who pulls the plug then ey...'
'Betsy, sorry to interrupt you there. Tell me, can you see the sun?'
'Yes, boss'
'Look hard at it'
'Wow, boss, it's blinding me'
While Betsy was looking upwards, she felt a hard blow on the head.
Her mind became a black space, she was falling, angels were singing.
The poor servant girl had a last puff and traded this world for the next.

TO BE CONTINUED