h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Lady R. was the first to notice Jen's father and exclaimed
'King Benjamin, the girls have been very naughty. I ask permission to lock them up, without food, for this night.'
To the consternation of Jen and Fly, Ben supported Lady R.'s claim: 'I am sure they deserved their punishment.'
'But, father..'
'No but, Jen. Do as you're told', chid Ben coolly.
'Lady R., I'll take over from here'. The old lady bowed and the sugar-cube fell off too. Fly wanted to laugh but one look at Ben's face was enough not to.
The old man resumed ' Girls, you are coming with me. You can say goodbye to Brenda B. first, as she's leaving tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile the buxom Scottish bonnie had rickitickied her glass and was heard shouting 'SPEECH-SPEECH-SPEECH'.
All was silent.
'My wee pals, hope the world treats you well today. Speech over. Let's drink!'
There was a large round of applause. The girls bid their adieux to Queen Bumble and Ben escorted them to two separate towers, well....turrets more like.
Ben locked Jen and Fly up respectively, without uttering a single word. Jen cried and Fly was pensive.
Jen sat inside the cold space and let the tears trickle. All she had was a large jug of water, a torch, a bedpan. Luckily there was a hole - barred of course - in the wall. It was getting dark soon.
Ah , at least I'll be able to see my beloved moon, sighed Jen.
She went to the hole for a look outside. Was it her imagination or was someone waving at her from the opposite turret. No, it was Fly!
Jen's saltwater stopped flowing at an instant and gave way for a beaming smile.
'HEY JEN!'
'SSSST', motioned Jen, being the more cautious of the two.
That evening Fly made the most of her face and tongue, culminating in a grand finale of impressions of Lady R.
Jen had to hold the bars, her belly ached so much from all the laughter.
Then Fly disappeared.
Jen thought: what is she doing? Oh no, she wouldn't do that, surely!
Before she knew it Fly was 'mooning' in front of the bars, to the tones of an imaginary cha-cha-cha.
While the two ladies were having long distant fun, it had escaped their notice that a certain female was taking a breath of fresh air on the lawn. Jen saw the lantern too late, wanted to warn Fly but couldn't because she was still facing a shaking behind. It was too late.
'CATHARINA FLYDUTCHIE! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS!' roared a voice that chilled Jen to the bone.'HATE TO BE A PARTY POOPER, BUT THIS NONSENSE MUST END'.
Jen held her breath.
However, when Fly's face appeared again, she was totally undaunted.
'I KNOW I HAVE A NICE TUSH AND I CAN SHOW IT WHENEVER I LIKE, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ANT FARM AND GO BACK TO HELL, YOU OLD HAG' hollered Fly.
Jen still held her breath. Lady R. didn't reply but went back inside and Jen could take a sharp intake of air.
Five minutes later, Jen saw Fly was being removed - apparently not without a struggle. The princess soon reached Dreamland, sleep-talking to the moon.

The next day, everything was worse. Her father didn't speak to Jen, Queen Alexandra was taken ill, Granny Yorke Yorke left for her hybernation in Monte Carlo, together with Olive Marple.
Fly was nowhere to be seen, Jen was worried sick, Lady R. was insupportable.
The day after that, King Benjamin left for a state visit to Borneo.
He didn't even say goodbye to Jen. Furthermore, she saw Fly working with the servants. Lady R. was succeeding in keeping the two girls apart. She made Jen's life a living hell.

Jen's life and the fate of Taramasalatania ran parallel.
The little country, once so peaceful, seemed to become the crime centre of Albion. Drugs smuggling, drive-by shootings, burglaries occurred every day. People got frightened. Even the Pond people were robbed.
Jen thought, what is going on?

On a Saturday morning, Jen was sitting like a plant in the salon with Lady R. who was tending her ant farm,when a visitor was announced.
Jeeves, the butler came in and said in a stentorian voice:
'Professor Rich Dee-Caff to see you m'lady'
Lady R. rolled her eyes and turned to Jen.
'Jennifer, I am simply unable to receive him right now. You must go down and show him the lawn or something'. Lady R. did a haughty dismissal sign. Jen's heart skipped a beat and she ran after Jeeves, sliding down the bannisters.

The eminent Professor Rich Dee-Caff, although normally a resident of Titicaca Towers, greeted Jen cordially.
Jen ran into his arms and took him out of doors.

'Where have you been?' panted Jen when they had walked a small distance.
'Away on business, Jen.'
'What, broadening the horizon?'
Rich smiled. 'Something like that, Jen.'
'You could have told me you were leaving. After all, you've been away for a fortnight' Jen tried to control her disappointment.
'Sorry about that Jen, I had very important 'sources' to visit.'
Jen could not control her anger now. 'Why are you so cryptic as well? What's going on?'
'Jen, I can't explain. One day it'll all be clear.
Now hug me'
'What?'
'Jen, hug me'
Jen hesitantly hugged Rich. She felt something being fidgeted into the pocket of her dress'
Jen whispered 'What are you doing? What is that?'
Rich, still fondly embracing Jen, explained: 'They're called walkie-talkies. I have one, you have one. They're a means of communication. When you press the VOX-key you can talk, I'll listen and it's the same the other way round.'
Rich loosened his grip and looked Jen in the face. 'Jen, don't ask questions now, please. I feel her eyes burning in my back.I'd love to see the old chaperone.'
'Believe me, you don't'
Rich smiled 'Jen, we must be going back. I have to pack and will be leaving shortly'
'What, again?'
They resumed their way to the building.
'Jen, listen very carefully and don't interrupt me, unless I ask you a question'.
The princess saw Rich was very serious indeed and simply complied.
'When are you turning seventeen?'
'Monday'
'Ok. Listen: Tonight, you'll run away. You come to this shrub here, you'll whisper 'Phriska' and Perks will know it's you and give you further instructions. You'll also see Fly there. And the most important thing: Don't forget your walkie-talkie! Pack lightly, act normal today and just endure it.'
Jen was speechless. They had almost reached the gate.
She stammered 'But why, Rich'
'You're going on a long journey to save the kingdom.
Rich stopped before they went inside again.
'JEN, YOU ARE IN GREAT, AND I MEAN VERY GREAT DANGER!'

TO BE CONTINUED
NEXT SATURDAY

Ooooh

I got quite interested. Whatever will our fates be. Can't wait.
Hurry u BC

XX

Working on it,my wee pal.
Glad you like it.
Sat. is just a deadline date - could be sooner...


Bc