h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1) Please bear in mind: English is not my mother tongue
2) Hope you have fun, it's only a story
Ok, let's go

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TARAMASALATANIA
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Once upon a time,in the dark dark Middle Ages, there was a small kingdom in the vicinity of Albion called Taramasalatania.
In it were unicorns, woods, flowers, rivers and most importantly people - happy people to be precise, all with blind faith in their good-natured monarch, Benjamin Yorke Yorke. The man was married to the fragile Alexandra Lancastere Lancastere, and together they had created a beautiful baby girl and had her baptized by the name of Jennifer, being local dialect for 'Gallons of Frascati'. Jen, by now a pretty sweet sixteen, thought her life was going to be calm like a pond with no ripples. Little did she know...

However let us not rush things. Jen and her parents lived in a castle called Titicaca Towers, together with Granny Yorke Yorke, her private tutor Professor Rich Dee-Caff,the gardener Perky 'Perks' Perkins and a myriad of servants. Think we have them all... Oh no, am forgetting one important person: Damsel Catharina Flydutchie, a Dutch orphan whom Benjamin brought home as a souvenir from the Netherlands. Jennifer and 'Fly' became the best of playmates.

Calling Taramasalatania a little paradise for everyone, was not a lie.
People were happy, ethnic minorities like the Pond people got a special status, bars and restaurants were booming, safe and cosy places for all. Harmony was the key word.

Sadly, evil has many a tentacled arm and sadly, it had its eyes lurking on Taramasalatania.

It all started to go horribly wrong on Merlot day - now one year ago - T-nia's national holiday. As a token of monarchial affection, Benjamin had invited Brenda B. Bumble, Queen of Scots.
Jen was looking forward to the event and all day long she was seen running to and fro decorating the ballroom, the salons. She was in such high spirits she even fed the prisoners with crackanuts.

When the Scottish highness arrived, Jen and Fly were among the welcoming committee.When the little ceremony had passed, the youngsters went to their chambers to put on their frocks. There it happened: when she was sitting in front of the mirror, Jen had apparently stung herself with a hairpin. A little droplet of blood showed on her finger and involuntarily she shuddered.
'What is it, Jen?', asked Fly.
'Nothing.. except I have a very strange feeling ... Like things are going too good, you know...I think something's up... I can't explain, Fly, I'm scared.. Maybe I'll call in sick for dinner.'
Fly frowned. 'Jen, I don't know what you're talking about, but I do know A) you are going or I'll drag you out of your room and B)we are going to have a good time tonight.God, I especially dug up all my fart cushions'
'FLY!'
'Jen, you know I'm always in for a giggle.'
The princess could not suppress a faint smile.
Soon the two girls were talking like nothing had ever happened, but then their conversation ended, when a gentle rap on the door announced a visitor. Both of them startled.
'Who's there?' shrieked Jen.
'It's only your dear old father,dear'
'Oh, Daddykins, do come in. Fly and me were just talking about .. ehm... well'
'Spare me the details, rosebud. I'd like to have a little chat with you. In private'
Jen beckoned to Fly to go away. Fly got the hint.
'Well, see you tonight, Uncle Bens'
'Yes Fly, please close the door behind you.By the way you look dazzling tonight'
Fly blushed and left the room.
'Well, father, what is it? Oh , have a seat'
She pointed to an old armchair in the corner, but then it dawned 'No, not there!'
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
'Sorry, daddykins, Fly must have left it'
'I see she's up to her old tricks again' Ben sighed. 'Oh, I DO like her'
Jen perceived a look of graveness on Ben's face.
'Father, is something wrong?'
'No, no , it's just - your mother and myself have decided to appoint a governess/chaperone'
Jen looked surprised. 'Why, don't you trust me?'
'Of course I do, it's just ... appropriate'
'Well if that is your wish I will treat her respectfully, .. I guess'
'Glad to hear it, Jen. Come to my little office tower and you can shake hands'
'What, do you mean, she's here now? Wow, I mean it's quite sudden, isn't it?'
'Yeah I know' He frowned and frowned again. 'Come, Jen, let's go up to her now. I think you'll like her'
Ben and his daughter walked through corridors and corridors before they reached, after what seemed like eternity, his office tower.
Open swung the door. Jen shrunk back and got the goosebumps...

TO BE CONTINUED
TOMORROW