h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just zipped through Henry Porter's "Empire State" in a couple of days.

Given all the gushing praise by Paxman & the Glasgow Herald, this is quite a peculiarly-written book.

Hardly any dialogue or characterisation until the hero is introduced on page 105. Action scenes tended to lurch to a halt in mid-paragraph. Occasionally, scenes are hard to visualise because of missing information or muddled personal pronouns. (Which "he" is which?)

Amateurish reliance on weak descriptive words like 'very' & 'pretty' & 'a lot of' - the type of sloppy writing that Stephen King advises against. Despite all his impressive knowledge of the Middle East, the author doesn't seem to know the difference between "I'm nauseous" (= "I make people sick") and "I'm nauseated" (= "I feel sick").

This may seem harsh criticism, but the plot hinges on a quote by E.B. White, co-author of America's most famous guide to correct English usage.

Running out of time on my session now -see ya!

Stupid session logs out before I get a chance to correct all my stupid spelling errors.

Hi Rich,

On that subject - proof reading - I don't usually have the time either. Only because I don't pace myself and end up replying to 3 or 4 different people at the same time.

Jen

Hi again Rich Dee. Can you give me a synopsis of the story please.

I am stuck in a rut and am reading (or not) the same 3 books I bored everyone to death with 12 weeks ago. I used to be such an avid reader, but these days.....
I have been sitting out in the garden and catching up with the crosswords from some old Daily Ms. Plus, I have just finished off a huge dollop of ice cream and now I am thirsty.

Planted sweet peas, reduced in Tesco's as they had passed their sell by date. They were down to 65p. Bargain ! Also sewed some sweet pea seeds.

No news, only sad stuff, so will not pass it on. Take care, Rich,

Jen

Hi JYY

Good to hear you've had a break, sorry to hear of any sad news.

I guess you missed the Moto GP from Le Mans, Sunday on BBC2. My Aylesbury brother-in-law went there with his local motorbike chums, said he waved to the TV cameras but was probably lost in the crowd of thousands. The BBC commentators said that all the crowds meant it took longer to travel from the airport to the racetrack than it took to get from England to France...

Garden & flowerpot news: my prize chili plant is now at 11 1/2 inches tall. Discovered that the pumpkin seeds are meant to be kept at 20 - 25 degrees centigrade, not 12 degrees C in my non-centrally-heated bedroom... Purple lilac is turning brown but peony has now bloomed & sage plant flowers are appearing.

Plot synopsis of 'Empire State' is quite tricky as it involves four or five terrorist-type events which are rather sloppily connected at the climax. I wouldn't bother with 'Empire State' if I were you. The author doesn't follow the rules of writing re characterisation & plotting. The terrorists' intended victims are mostly anonymous offstage (offpage?) characters so there's little tension generated by the villains' (confusing) plot.

Instead I'll highly recommend the latest Robert B. Parker novel 'Back Story', featuring his popular hero, the ex-boxer/ex-Boston cop Spenser.
one of those books where the author reaches chapter 20 by page 80. The story is 100 percent characterisation-through-snappy-dialogue and almost every sentence is a miniature gem.

Session running out again. Posted a msg on the R2 Coffee Bar but it didn't appear...

My first message on the R2 CB was modded (I was trying to be clever by writing it all backwards), second message has yet to appear, and no sign either of the supposed reply to my latest message on the Country music MB.

MBs are what the military would call: well & truly SNAFUed.

Rich

Rich, I have posted 3 messages on the R2 Boards, when the penny eventually dropped that they weren't working. How sad is that !!

Jen

Morning Rich. Out soon to meet a friend at the local wine bar. There is only the one wine bar here and the place is a bit of a dive. Drinks expensive and food b awful. But, the company's good !

No, didn't see your brother in law either. Must have missed him in the crowd. I haven't read any Robert B Parker novels. On your recommendation I will try and get it from the library and make a concerted effort to actually read something.

My white lilac is going brown, my seeds are coming up in clusters of 500, and I still don't know what they will turn out like !

I ironed in the back garden earlier today, and my thermometer registered 28 degrees. You should have let me have your pumpkin seeds.

See you soon,

Jen

Hi Jen, noticed you're on here now...

Meant to ask what you thought of last Sunday's showing of America's Top 5 Frinds episodes - but I guess you wouldn't've seen them last weekend. In reverse order:

5: The one with Brad Pitt as Monica & Rachel's former fat schoolfriend

4: The one where Chandler & Phoebe try to out-seduce each other

3: The one where no one is ready for Ross's big speech (contains the classic Joey line: "Look - I'm Chandler - Could I BE wearing any more clothes?")

2: The one where Rachel rings Ross during a date to tell him she's over him ("When...when...When we you UNDER me?")

1: The one with the Prom Video - first showing of Rachel's nose & Monica's fat suit.

I'd agree with most of those choices except the Brad Pitt ep. Didn't think Brad & Jen had much sexual chemistry going in that episode. Usually the screen only heats up when two co-stars are having an illicit behind-the-scenes affair, IMHO.

Plenty of chances to figure out our own top 5s, as Channel 4 are showing about 14 episodes throughout next Friday.



P.S. Found the very latest Robert B. Parker hardback in the library yesterday. He's written about 30 novels featuring Spenser, plus various others, so you should find something in your own library.

Hi Rich,

I have to agree with you about the episode with Bradd Pitt. It was all rather flat, with no sparkle between the pair of them.

I have loads of personal favourites. The one where Richard and Monica tell her parents they are an item. (The twinkie in the city)

The one where Monica speaks at her parents wedding anniversary and complete dry eyes all round no matter how hard she tries to get the tears flowing

Rachael's prolonged labour...

Oh, I could go on all day, but I am out of here as at 6 minutes ago. Running late, no breakfast, no drink. Will grab a banana on the way out.

Will check out the library for Robert B Parker,
thanks Rich,

Jen

Hi JYY

Currently compiling my own top 10 Friends eps out of the 236 broadcast in the UK (Wonder if we will ever see the two new highlights episodes - they're listed on the Epguides website but Channel 4 isn't showing them next week...). Most of my favourite eps are from series 2 & pre-On-A-Break series 3.

Back to reading - maybe you're like me. I've gone for several months unable to finish an entire book (didn't finish anything in Feb or March this year) then suddenly I get the reading bug & read a novel every few days.

The latest one I've sped through is one of the many American crime paperbacks in the library, published by Kensington Books, all featuring some sort of female-investigator-cum-[insert title of typical female vocation here]. For example: the housewife/detective, the fashion-journalist/detective or, in this case, the hairdresser/detective Marla Shore, heroine of Nancy J. Cohen's Florida-based "Bad Hair Day Mysteries."

Wish I could recommend this series, as Nancy Cohen knows how to write a grammatical sentence and her Florida scenery descriptions are highly evocative, but...

Quite a few problems with the first volume, "Permed To Death" (!). The suspects are implausibly eager to gossip to Marla about their own personal private wrongdoings. The rugged, flinty-eyed police detective is unprofessionally eager to include prime suspect Marla in all his discoveries. And the author doesn't seem to realise that Marla appears shallow, judgmental & selfish, right from the first chapter. When an elderly client dies after drinking poisoned coffee creamer at Marla's hair salon, Marla's first thoughts are to reopen the salon as soon as possible and to steal an envelope of blackmail photos from the deceased's mansion...

As I said, this is an American paperback, so maybe it's hard to find in the UK - though my library has somehow got ahold of THREE copies of the third volume, "Murder By Manicure."

Last night, I started reading a brand new American hardback (published January 2004), got through the first 120 pages (19 chapters) very swiftly, and it looks like it's the best book I've read this year. More details when I've finished it.

Have a great weekend.

Rich

Hi Rich,

Thank you for giving me the details of the books you've read. I really find it very interesting. I also like being told about the plots of films which I've never seen, or perhaps only half watched on TV. Maybe it's a throwback from childhood, 'shall I tell you a story' type of thing.
Today I went to the library and returned The Green Mile and the James Patterson one which I can't remember the title - Four Blind Mice ?
But, I just had to renew Gerald Seymour 'The Untouchable' Yes, I know, for the 3rd time !
Do you like Gerald Seymour ? ITV1 have Ross Kemp in 'A Line in the Sand' which is on next week I believe. I have read the book, but when I went to refresh my memory on the content, I found I had given it away in the last charity clear out. I'm not that keen on Ross Kemp. To me he is always Grant out of Eastenders !
No other news. Very hot here. I am just waiting for the little kids to arrive for some tea. Sausage rolls, sandwiches and ice cream and jelly. They'll eat outdoors on a blanket on the grass (lawn is a bit strong. That way the birds get to have a feast as well.

Is it last episode of Friends next week or this ?
Oh, and I meant to ask you, have you ever written anything ?

Jen

Hi Jen

Yes, I have been published, but only amateurishly in my college newspaper and in various Dr Who & Blake's 7 fan magazines in the early-to-mid 1980's. I was lucky enough to contact a local fanzine editor just as he was starting his magazine, so I got three of my Tv reviews in the first issue, and I was flattered when a couple of other fanzine editors also asked me for pieces. Harshest criticism levelled against me in the letters pages was that my reviews were unevenly written. Biggest boo-boo I made - slagging off a young actress from "Tripods", not realising that she had been killed in a car crash a few weeks earlier. Oops! Been trying to track down a few of my old editors using Yahoo & H2G2 but no luck so far.

Terminal session running out - part 2 of this messageb to follow...

Rich

Hi again Jen

Swapped terminals as the mouse was sticking on the last one. Also had to enable cookies on each terminal as the library server was down yesterday.

My youngest nephew is called Grant, even though my Aylesbury sister doesn't watch Eastenders! And my best friend from college now has a nephew called Alfie!

Haven't read any Gerald Seymour but there is plenty of his stuff in the adventure section of the library. Which is his best one?

Have you read any Meg Gardiner yet? I polished off her debut thriller "China Lake" in a couple of days. Apart from an OTT all-action finale, and one fudged plot point in the resolution, this is excellent stuff - a mix of thriller and domestic drama with a custody battle against a right-wing doomsday church.

Really enjoyed the heroine, Evan Delaney - legal journalist, science fiction author, smart-mouth with the snappy dialogue, and a Dixie Chicks & Mavericks fan! I was lucky enough to find a new copy of the second novel in the series, "Mission Canyon" which I'll probaly save for the weekend. The novels have a distinctive "lost highway" photo-cover. The author Meg Gardiner lives in Surrey but, fotunately for us, her stories are set in her former home of Santa Barbara.

Re: Friends - the last ever, HOUR LONG episode is on tomorrow, Friday 28th May, 9pm on Channel 4 - the channel is showing 10 other episodes throughout the day starting at 12.30pm. There's supposed to be a "one year later" reunion special next Thanksgiving on American TV, and no doubt there will be many guest appearances by the cast on Matt LeBlanc's "Joey" sitcom - especially if the ratings start to drop in the first season!

Off to Jason's party now - see ya!

Hi Jen

Weather here still partly sunny though a cool breeze in places - yes, St George's flag is still flapping away up there at the top of the church in the marketplace.

Got any rain yet? In this part of the country, the clouds usually wait until 3.15pm when the Middle School kids are coming out, then there's a huge cloudburst...

Just finished the last 100 pages of 'The Footprints of God' by Greg Iles - works well as a conspiracy thriller, not so well as science (the main character mentions the now-generally-disproved theory that the expansion of the Universe will slow down and then reverse, ending by collapsing in a "Big Crunch" - in fact, current evidence suggests that the expansion of the Universe seems to be SPEEDING UP thanks to a mysterious anti-gravity force called 'Dark Energy'. But anyway...) The author does write a disclaimer saying 'Please forgive the bad science - this is purely entertainment', so I can forgive him. Sadly, looking at the reviews on Amazon, the SF fans are unhappy with the bad science, and the thriller fans think the book is too "out-there" weird!

Off now to look in the monthly farmer's market, then watch the occasional Friends episode.

Hope to type to you again before the Bank Holiday - the library is closed next Monday of course!

Morning Rich, on Monday, 31st May 2004. Bank holiday as well.

The first Gerald Seymour I reas was 'Harry's Game' which was about an undercover officer in the British Army working as a double agent with the IRA. Bit old hat these days isn't it.
My favourite one may be 'Holding the Zero' thestory of a sniper going to Iraq to fight with Kurdish guerillas against Saddam Hussein's regime.
But, I can honestly say I have thoroughly enjoyed all his books.
I am not terribly adventurous in my reading I'm afraid, but you know all kinds of authors ! And, by the sound of it, your memory is much better than mine.
Watched loads of Friends episodes on Saturday night until about 1.00. Then last night wathced the last ever episode which we had taped on Friday. It was all a bit too neat for my liking, and I didn't laugh out loud very much. Agree with you on guest appearances on the future 'Joey' sitcom. Should be interesting, and I will make a point of watching.
Had a look in my mini library here, and I have got Line in the Sand. Still can't picture Ross Kemp as the lead.

See ya

Jen

Hi Rich,

Saw that you'd managed your Yemmenite Wrap. That caused a bit of a stir on the boards didn't it.
Bank holiday Monday, and it's looking fluffy white clouds, blue sky with just a tinge of grey lurking on the horizon.
I shall maybe go to the garden centre in a little while. The sweet peas which I bought at Tesco have virtually died. I shall have to give them some baby bio or something and see if they revive. They were only 54p a pot or something, as they had passed the sell by date. Perhaps not too good a bargain in hindsight.
I think I am going to have to close down the pc completely as it's making such a noise. Can't be healthy. Don't know what to do about it. I have a man very into computers, so I shall seek him out later this week to come and give me his prognosis. (Is that the right word ?)
Thank you for still keeping me informed with the story lines of the books you have read. I am interested.

Hopefully speak in the week, providing there are no major problems with my set up.

Love

Jen

Hi Jen

Hope you're back online soon. I know my Aylesbury brother-in-law is always having his PC & Broadband repaired every couple of months, which doesn't help when certain teenagers need to type out their school essays & certain pre-teens need to check their homework facts on the web.

Weather was sunny & warm in Suffolk for most of the weekend. Went for a walk after watching the F1 on Sunday - usual route along the riverbank to the former-water-mill-now-hotel, then past the cricket ground & through the town centre. Very quiet.

Thanks for the author info. This weekend I tried Harlan Coben for the first time - the kidnap thriller "No Second Chance." At first, I thought the novel was going to be pretty bad - bloke's wife has been shot dead and his baby daughter kidnapped, and he doesn't seem all that concerned for the first thirty pages, he's more interested in telling the reader about all the plastic surgery he performs for charity... Fortunately, after page 30 the pace picked up and I became engrossed in the story. On Amazon, the book has gained largely five-star reviews, though I would agree with the criticisms of the reader who awarded the novel only one star - yes, it does seem strange that a plastic surgeon knows very little about DNA testing....and it is never a good idea to introduce important new characters in the last quarter of the novel.
Also, the former-child-TV-star background of the villainess seemed a bit superfluous to the plot. Overall, I'd give the novel four stars out of five as it kept me reading. Plenty more Harlan Coben in the library.

Yesterday afternoon I read three-quarters of a Robert B. Parker novel ("Perish Twice" featuring the female detective Sunny Randall and her bull terrier Rosie). In the evening, in lieu of any TV shows that any sane person would want to watch, I decided to make another attempt at my copy of Kathy Reichs's "Deja Dead." Once again, I gave up on page 50. Tempe's world seems so deary, and her colleagues are so boringly aloof. Also, now I'm used to watching forensic dramas on TV, Tempe's treatment of the initial crime scene seemed pretty destructive, compared with the fingertip analysis of crime scenes in the "CSI" TV shows. Interesting to note - although "Deja Dead" was published in 1998, the first scene of the novel takes place exactly ten years ago tomorrow: 2nd June 1994...

Hope your PC gets better soon...

Tempe's world seems so DREARY!!!

That one nearly slipped past me...

Rich

Hey Rich, I am also having trouble with Kathy Reichs 'Fatal Voyage' I have read pages 1 to 20 about 6 or 7 times. It's like trying to pass Go on a Monopoly board. I think I'd rather go to jail !


Not much news here except that it has rained and rained since yesterday lunchtime. I did crosswords from the last 2 week supply of newspapers and played the other word games.

Have you visited the Jeremy Vine board lately ? What a mess. People have been complaining about freedom of speech, or the lack of it on that particular board, but the whole thing has developed into a fiasco.

And, worse, it's all so boring. Well mostly, I have had to laugh at some of the cheekier comments.

Speak soon, off out later. Still havent managed to borrow any of the Robert P Parker novels, but I haven't forgotten. Taken to knocking off the pc periodically now, and the noise is not quite so deafening.

Take care

Jen