h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello Nat! Didn't realise it was you that dared to brave my zombie sanctuary. Your name seems to have shrunk.

Sorry for gnawing disgustingly on your vitals. These things happen. You know, one person enters a zombie infested chat room, somebody feasts mindlessly on their tubing, people gratuitously tear each other's limbs off and eat them when they didn't really mean to and things generally get out of hand.

So, no hard feelings? Feel free to come and join me for a very slow aimless and kind of lopsided walk whenever you feel like it.

PS Don't even joke about using hardcore tesujis on my mum. It's not cool.

Of course no hard feelings, it's through a computer so nothing has much of an effect.

Aimless and lopsided walking is what I do best

Really? I'm glad you've found something to specialize in. My true calling is probably drinking beer in a dressing gown.

Too young to specialise in that one. Prefer whiskey and coke any day though

I have a rubbish sense of direction so I almost always wander aimlessly to avoid feeling lost, and my head seem to always be tilted for reasons unknown.

I normally have a very good sense of direction. It does seem to break down under shopping centre conditions though.

I didn't get my dressing gown licence until I was 23. It was well worth the wait.

Oof, the amount of times I've walked into those mirrors they put in the middle of shop aisles. Fashion shops are dangerous places, entire row of people finding something and thrusting it out just as you're trying to walk past...

I've accidentally walked into a few windows, deep puddles, weird fetish clubs... Mirrors are a new one on me to be honest. That said, I've just grown my first beard as past of a foolish pact to get dressed up as a viking for halloween. I keep thinking who the heck is that handsomely bearded gent, he looks a bit like a young, ginger rasputin.

Haha, my brothers beird went ginger, but his hairs brown. That said, he doesn't look right without it.
I've never managed windows, I once fell through a door because I'm used to there being a glass panel in it, and when I went to push on it, it wasn't there.

I have the same thing really, my hair is so dark brown it's nearly black. I think the brown on top ginger round the chops thing is called 'the luck of the Irish' but it might be the other way round or something else entirely.

****Flash beard update*****

I don't have the beard anymore. No-body knows I'm ginger except you. So keep schtum, capece?

Ooh, could be hard.*cough*ginge!

I'll pretend I didn't hear that...

Do you mind If I put you on my friends list?

Go ahead. I shall return the favour.

It's been a while... have you recovered from the stressful yet fun christmas?

Yep. Just about. I got bogusly ill after new years. I also got a girlfriend and monthly residence playing my music at my pub which is nice. I think I must have been bad in a previous life because whenever I manage to get a girlfriend I spend the first month covered in coldsores and dribbling snot out of all the main snot related orifices. Which usually causes them to dump me post haste. But not this time. Woohoo!

How was your crimbo?

Ahh, the usual, family round christmas eve and after that I'm fed up of crimbo
Theres always a nasty cold near christmas, I'm always quite lucky with that one, just get every other bug in the year. GLad the girlfriend stuck around for you this time.

I've got a whole 'nother christmas to go yet: it's called posse-mas. All, well nearly all, my friends are barstaff so we don't get a proper christmas. So we decided to have it on the 25th of january instead. It's really just a drinking binge with presents. We go to a restaurant and usually get banned from ever returning there during liscencing hours.

Most of my family are dead, except my sister (who lives in Liverpool so is probably statistically likely to die quite soon) and my mum and cousins who live in highly unlikely sounding countries. So I haven't had a real family gathering for ages. I always remember them as a collection of drunk, fat Geordies and dogs (drunkish dogs) all squashed onto sofas that are too small for them, bickering about the pros and cons of various CAD packages

drunk dogs Can remembering at one of my aunties partys (it rhymes!) people holding down a cigarette and insisting while her dog was sniffing at it she was smoking.

Smoking dogs? I can remember those smoking monkey toys. Sheesh, why did any one bother with that? I remember my friend's dog denis ate a big bag of ganja left lying about and wouldn't move for three days. He was always a lazy dog but that's the longest period of dog non-movement I've ever heard of.

My dog stole and ate a whole frozen chicken once. I came home and my chicken was gone and my dog was looking very, very sheepish. And there was plastic chicken wrapping everywhere.
But I didn't scold the dog because it looked scared every time I went near it: It knew it'd been bad

I think, minus the first sentance, that last paragraph could be the lyrics for my next chart topping hit (Read not chart topping, evil, dance floor evacuating techno folk cross over)

I reckon if you throw in a few "I woke up this morning"'s and play to A7th you've got a nice bluesy number.

btw, I have to do DJing as part of my music tech- any hints?