h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah. So.
This thing, I can't remember. But apparently, I have been mean and unkind in the most horrible, evil ways towards my boss. Who I really like and admire.
I *think* that I have misunderstood the tone of voice and choice of words on his side, thinking he was a jokey kind. And tried to be jokey too. But maybe I crossed unwritten rules and borders, and tried to behave like one of the guys, when I should have been behaving like a lady. And I am so not a lady.
So, eventually (after a very very long time, apparently) he told me. I was devastated, in shock, and found it hard to believe that I had said such mean words.
And I can't remember saying them, except for *one* occasion, which I told him. I explained that I thought he was joking, and that I tried to continue on that theme. The rest? Not a clue.
I apologised, explained that I like and admire him in work and as a person, and that I have never meant to be mean.
The result is that now I feel terrible around him. I get so tense, that I want to cry thinking about this. I get migraines, I feel like my blood pressure is rocketing.
I was never good at small talk, and now I watch myself so hard, I can hardly speak.
I wish I could let it go. But I also wish I could ask - have you seen that I am trying to change? Am I still being awful when I'm trying to be kind and nice?
It is so scary to not remember.
QN