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Recent stuff.

All sorts of goodies have happened recently. Met some lovely girls in the last week or so. A good trend, and I certainly hope that it continues. E & A both work at an art theatre witihin a reasonable bus trip from my house. E is pretty, very charismatic and quite outgoing, willin to strike up a conversation at the drop of a hat. Made showing up early and getting stood up by the Emage crowd quite a pleasant experiance, conversing with the both of them. A is more seemingly more knowledgeable, has a beautiful smile and fun wise-ass sense of humor. (I hope it continues to be fun... that sort of thing can get old if that's all a person can do, but I think she's pretty cool thus far.) In my pursuit of E, I begin to suspect that A is more my type. That night at the theatre, we all talked for about an hour before the movie began. (Rear Window... Great on the Big Screen, BTW). I shared pocky and cherry coke with the when the power went out, and got to spend a little more time talking with them. I went out with Cathi & Dave yesterday to see Ghost Dog (another really keen flick, I'm really beginning to love that theatre.) and A was there, but no sign of E. I chatted briefly with A, but she didn't seem to remember me much, probably because I was with other folks, instead of solitary. C,D & I went to Thai food after, and I decided to head back to the movies after to catch the green mile, and hopefully catch E's eye, and maybe chat the girls up a bit more. Sadly, E wasn't there, and I arrived just intime to run into the theatre to get going with the movie. I had to step out a couple of times, as I got a Drum of Cherry coke, and the green mile has approximately five urination scenes during it's three-hour length. I got up for that twice, the second time A noticed me, and commented... I replied "Lots of Pee scenes." She thought I said "Lots of Pieces" at first, and I don't even know what she might've thought I meant by that until I clarified. 20 minutes later, I got paged by Suzy. (Man, does she have Radar, or what?!?) And called her on the pay phone. A was still sitting on the bench there, looking a little sad, but I didn't have the wherewithal to talk to her after gabbing with Suzy about email for 5-10 min of my movie-time. I returned to the theatre, and when I emerged at the close, A had gone home. No guts, no Glory, Scotto. I am determined now to talk with A and get her digits, now. I went out with Dan on Saturday, and met 2 great gals too... S, who looked a little too much like Brittany Spears for my taste, and R, who I'm totally taken with. Absolutely beautiful. 5'11" in flats, in her heels she was about 1 inch shorter than me, and all in proportion. Short 'Dorothy Hammill' haircut, brounette, narrow build but completely feminine. Knows quite a bit about pseudoscience and quackery, which is a nice break from the new-agey oddness I seem to end up talking with when I go out and about. (Might explain why I find her nearly irrisistable, beauty, grace, height, intelligence, and common sense. If she has any tragic flaws, they're well hidden.) I fully intend on pursuing her mor ein-depth. The only downside of recent days was that yesterday I'd have liked to get together with emage-folk, but I didn't hear from them until late in the day (like 5/6ish) and I was already well into the hanging out with Bohl's, so that was out. Hopefully they're not offended, but I don't imagine so. They have an agenda of their own, and I'm only really included on the weekends.

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Latest reply: Mar 28, 2000

Papal Apology

The Pope apologized for all the sins of the Catholic church. Listen, Pope, after the school girl outfits you guys invented, I can look past a few crusades, witchhunts, and inquisitions. Don't focus on the negative things. I say next time you need to give a speech, don't even mention that stuff, and just have 2 or 3 hundred of your 17-year-old female students come on stage and do aerobics. Even if they had panties on, it'd be a better apology than some half-dead mumbling in a language I don't speak.

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Latest reply: Mar 16, 2000

Scott isn't covered by the comics code. Sorry.

Standards of the Comics Code Authority
Code For Editorial Matter

General Standards Part A:

1) Crimes shall never be presented in such a way as to create sympathy for the criminal, to promote distrust of the forces of law and justice, or to inspire others with a desire to imitate criminals.

2) No comics shall explicitly present the unique details and methods of a crime.

3) Policemen, judges, government officials, and respected institutions shall never be presented in such a way as to create disrespect for established authority.

4) If crime is depicted it shall be as a sordid and unpleasant activity.

5) Criminals shall not be presented so as to be rendered glamorous or to occupy a position which creates the desire for emulation.

6) In every instance good shall triumph over evil and the criminal punished for his misdeeds.

7) Scenes of excessive violence shall be prohibited. Scenes of brutal torture, excessive and unnecessary knife and gun play, physical agony, gory and gruesome crime shall be eliminated.

8) No unique or unusual methods of concealing weapons shall be shown.

9) Instances of law enforcement officers dying as a result of a criminal's activities should be discouraged.

10) The crime of kidnapping shall never be portrayed in any detail, nor shall any profit accrue to the abductor or kidnapper. The criminal or the kidnapper must be punished in every case.

11) The letters of the word "crime" on a comics magazine shall never be appreciably greater than the other words contained in the title. The word "crime" shall never appear alone on a cover.

12) Restraint in the use of the word "crime" in titles or subtitles shall be exercised.

General Standards Part B:

1) No comic magazine shall use the word "horror" or "terror" in its title.

2) All scenes of horror, excessive bloodshed, gory or gruesome crimes, depravity, lust, sadism, masochism shall not be permitted.

3) All lurid, unsavory, gruesome illustrations shall be eliminated.

4) Inclusion of stories dealing with evil shall be used or or shall be published only where the intent is to illustrate a moral issue and in no case shall evil be presented alluringly nor so as to injure the sensibilities of the reader.

5) Scenes dealing with, or instruments associated with walking dead, torture vampires and vampirism, ghouls, cannibalism, and werewolfism are prohibited.

General Standards Part C:

All elements or techniques not specifically mentioned herein, but which are contrary to the spirit and intent of the Code, and are considered violations of good taste or decency, shall be prohibited.

Dialogue:

1) Profanity, obscenity, smut, vulgarity, or words or symbols which have acquired undesirable meanings are forbidden.

2) Special precautions to avoid references to physical afflictions or deformities shall be taken.

3) Although slang and colloquialisms are acceptable, excessive use should be discouraged and wherever possible good grammar shall be employed.

Religion:

Ridicule or attack on any religious or racial group is never permissible.

Costume:

1) Nudity in any form is prohibited, as is indecent or undue exposure.

2) Suggestive and salacious illustration or suggestive posture is unacceptable.

3) All characters shall be depicted in dress reasonably acceptable to society.

4) Females shall be drawn realistically without exaggeration of any physical qualities.

NOTE: It should be recognized that all prohibitions dealing with costume, dialogue, or artwork applies as specifically to the cover of a comic magazine as they do to the contents.

Marriage and Sex:

1) Divorce shall not be treated humorously nor shall be represented as desirable.

2) Illicit sex relations are neither to be hinted at or portrayed. Violent love scenes as well as sexual abnormalities are unacceptable.

3) Respect for parents, the moral code, and for honorable behavior shall be fostered. A sympathetic understanding of the problems of love is not a license for moral distortion.

4) The treatment of love-romance stories shall emphasize the value of the home and the sanctity of marriage.

5) Passion or romantic interest shall never be treated in such a way as to stimulate the lower and baser emotions.

6) Seduction and rape shall never be shown or suggested.

7) Sex perversion or any inference to same is strictly forbidden.

Code For Advertising Matter:

These regulations are applicable to all magazines published by members of the Comics Magazine Association of America, Inc. Good taste shall be the guiding principle in the acceptance of advertising.

1) Liquor and tobacco advertising is not acceptable.

2) Advertisement of sex or sex instructions books are unacceptable.

3) The sale of picture postcards, "pin-ups," "art studies," or any other reproduction of nude or semi-nude figures is prohibited.

4) Advertising for the sale of knives, concealable weapons, or realistic gun facsimiles is prohibited.

5) Advertising for the sale of fireworks is prohibited.

6) Advertising dealing with the sale of gambling equipment or printed matter dealing with gambling shall not be accepted.

7) Nudity with meretricious purpose and salacious postures shall not be permitted in the advertising of any product; clothed figures shall never be presented in such a way as to be offensive or contrary to good taste or morals.

8) To the best of his ability, each publisher shall ascertain that all statements made in advertisements conform to the fact and avoid misinterpretation.

9) Advertisement of medical, health, or toiletry products of questionable nature are to be rejected. Advertisements for medical, health or toiletry products endorsed by the American Medical Association, or the American Dental Association, shall be deemed acceptable if they conform with all other conditions of the Advertising Code.

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Latest reply: Mar 13, 2000

The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling!

Chicken Littles — or at least, those with the brains of chickens — are scooting frantically about trying to warn us all that on May 5 of this year, The World Will End.

They predict earthquakes, tidal waves, volcanic activity, flooding and even ice-cap meltage on a vast scale (or, as they tend to put it, "Earth changes", which is a term broad enough that it covers anything, pretty much, which of couse allows them to seem accurate).

The reason, according to them, is that several planets in our solar system will be more or less in alignment, a pretty darn uncommon event in almost all circumstances.

This alignment (or syzygy) will include our own Moon, the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn — and will actually encompass a little over 25 degrees of arc, which really isn't that significant to begin with. This alignment, according to the pebble-brained catastrophists, will result in huge gravitational tidal forces, which will of course result in... yep, "Earth changes".

Never mind the fact that the computer terminal at which you sit as you read this exerts more gravitational influence on you than Jupiter does. There are plenty of idiots out there panicking over this, and when nothing happens, they won't learn anything; they'll find something new to panic about.

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Latest reply: Mar 11, 2000

Taco Bell...

Taco Bell employees could fold you into oblivion. Maybe they can't count or speak the language of the country they live in, and the band-aids on their oral herpes sores fall into your food, but Taco Bell employees are the foremost origami masters in the world. They have 3000 different lard-boiled flatulent treats - and ONE WRAPPER to put them all in. Even the Trainees, who get to proudly wear their status on their bean encrusted shirts can perfectly fold one of the 3,000,000 names on the wrapper to be in the exact center of a burrito.

I thought the people that worked there were just kids Taco Bell traded from smugglers for some beads and cigarettes, but hand one a magazine and they could fold you a time machine. I don't know if it's the most amazing origami training since the ancient Babylonians trained goats to fold special hats, or if all Taco Bell employees are from some kind of tiny specialized gene pool like Mormons or Sasquatch, but I do know this: If we ever stop eating, for any reason - we just might give these bastards time to destroy us. As soon as they stop screaming from grease splatter burns, we'll be at the mercy of them and their unstoppable army of paper warriors.

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Latest reply: Mar 3, 2000


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