h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The screwdriver incident & the big toe one both happened while i was living on a narrowboat. The first 'cos i was trying to unscrew & door handle & couldn't twist it hard enough, so stood in the gangway, peering at it, driver slipped & *bang*

The toe, & lock was: we were pootling along, my mate steering & me inside making us , came to a lock, he shouted "Don't worry, i can do it on my own, carry on making the " so i did. But the boat smacked into the end of the lock just as i was pouring the water out, i dropped the cup & leapt out of the way of the boiling water, landing nicely on top of the broken cup & impaling myself through the artery of big toe.*gush*squirt*pump*...NOT!!

Luckily there was a cottage by the side of the lock & they phoned for ambulance (this was in the middle of nowhere, believe me!)& i got hauled off & stitched up before i bled to death. The buggers made me walk back to the boat after though, about 6 miles hoppping, no fun! Dear old NHS eh!

zdt

<<landing nicely on top of the broken cup & impaling myself through the artery of big toe.*gush*squirt*pump* ...NOT!!>>

Oh, the artery! You poor thing! At least you got stitched up nice and quick...

Yup, unlike other times it wasn't "suture self"!!!

zdt

I was once unpacking my shopping and managed to drop a can of beans onto my bare toe from counter-top height.

It's funny how one's immediate reaction is to skip around in circles shouting 'A zu ba! A zu ba!....'

The treatment is strapping your toe to its neighbour. The next time I did something similar, I didn't even bother with X-rays, but reached straight for the Micropore(tm).

Collective sympathy ow's for everyone and relatives....

Oh, Edward, Oh, dear, I always wear bare feet at home - I am gonna be *so* careful!