h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just came by to say hullo, I be off then.

Hi gorgeous! I read your conversation with the Matrix Mage just now and yopu sound like our kind of person (the Mage is much more like me than he will admit to you - I've even taught him a trick or two to get him through those long lonely winter months). But when you think about it you'll realise that not only is wanking a healthy (no chance of contracting a filthy disease) and cheap subtitute to sex with a partner but it is very ecological - every individual in the western world consumes horrendous amounts of non-regenerating recources. So not only am I pleasing myself but also contributing to a happier and more balanced world. Or maybe I just can't get a date.

Hi there, I hope you don't mind all the cheap jokes at your expence, I just thought it might coax you out of hiding (fill in your own joke here) Also what you claim to do ( most do and claim they don't) I believe is also sanctioned by most mental health profesionals..don't they say you must learn to love your self? If our ilustrious President had but known what you know, he would have never had to deal with that Monica Lewinski issue. His need for others got him in trouble. Then again.... maybe you just have higher standards than he does.

Hi gorgeous,
Yes, I do believe that you are correct in your assuption that quite a few problems might have been avoided if the people involved had been more avid wankers. But I think that wanking can also be used to solve many existing prolems as well. World hunger for example (insert sticky and disgusting joke here). And of course if the criminal element in our respective societies wonked their conkers a wee bit more they would be a happier lot and therefore commit fewer crimes (and the time used in the actual clownpunching isn't beeing used to commit crimes, unless the person involved is "conversing with Han Solo" in a public place). Also dundering the devil dolphin is a great way to express one's independence - when a man/woman is totally depentent on their significant other (loathsome term) for their sexual gratification, the sign. oth. has a strong "grip" on the person involved, whereas if one is careful to excercise the dog every onece in a while a general strike in the sex department has a less drastic effect.

Tosser

Hey Ummm...woaaa there! You remind me of this guy who used to call here all the time, but he just breathed.....

Well, at least I'm more articulate than he was!

My poor confused Tosser,
A Bowl of clam chowder would be more articulate than he was.
Still, it is nice that you have a hobby for which you seem to have so much zeal.
I guess if you do something, it is good to do it well. Besides you could be a lot worse off.
I once knew a lad so boring his own hand fell asleep on him!
It's just that you have been so brief in your exchanges with me I was taken a bit aback by your sudden enthusiasm.
Damn I wish this thing had spelling check!
-doors