h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just spent four days in Sydney - with D, of course.

What the hell can I possibly do? He was at his most utterly charming, less vague than usual, even able to stay focussed. So I've come over all smitten again. This is A Bad Thing. Can I stop myself? Apparently not. Do I like being smitten? Oh yes. Do I wish I weren't smitten? Oh yes. Is this doing my head in? Yep.

Even the grot and grime of the inner western suburbs has a certain charm now, but only by association with D in my mind.

How can I go from being generally irritated by him to being smitten again in the space of a fortnight?

Is there any sane reason for moving to Sydney? I caught myself considering it, but only for a fleeting moment. If I were to move down there it would be for very wrong reasons and I'd regret it immediately. (Or would I?)

Of more immediate concern - how can I make myself concentrate on my job when I'm still waiting to come back to earth?

Maybe I should just scream. Oh, how I wish there were Someone Else. I remember why we were together in the first place, and why that stopped, and exactly how it felt to be with him, and why it is that I've moved heaven and earth to keep him as a friend all these years, and why there are certain things that we simply never allude to, let alone discuss... Cue Suzanne Vega:

'Other evidence has shown
that you and I are still alone,
we skirt around the danger zone
and don't talk about it later.

And I tried so hard to resist
when you held me in your handsome fist
and reminded me of the night we kissed
and of why I should be leaving...'

Life would be simpler if I were to meet Someone Else, but one can't just nip down the shops and get someone off the shelf as needed.

****

This is rather more self-revealing than my usual journals, isn't it? Should I post it? Yeah, why the hell not. Caveat Lector.

*hits 'publish'*

Not knowing anything about your life, I can't really comment.
Whatever you do, though, I hope it will be the right decision, and that you'll be happy.

Oh dear. You have got yourself into a pickle eh!
All i can do is wish you luck, with whatever decision you make concerning D.
Just remember, being 'smitten' kind of takes you out of reality in a sense. Think carefully and do whats best for you.

The only decision to make is one about how to find someone else in the vain hope that I'll be able to Move On, eight years (yes, eight years) after D and I split up. Just waiting for someone to come along hasn't worked. The thought of going on a deliberate hunt is not really appealing. Moving to Sydney is not a sane option. There will never be a reunion with D. (That doesn't stop me being smitten, of course. Logic and an appreciation of the possible don't come into this.)

Once upon a time I was employed as an analyst. I must learn how to stop being so sodding analytical and just get out there and see if there's anyone remotely interesting available.

Not that I know where to start looking, you understand.

Ah, but my head's a mess.

Life can be such a sometimes.
Being smitten however is a sign of life.

I am off to the Sydney Mardi Gras next week..want me to hunt someone down for you?

Thanks for the offer Helly, but I'd need to write out a design specification first.

And yes, being hopelessly and irrationally smitten shows that I'm alive. So there's something.

Good luck with sorting it all.

It's not a totally unfamiliar situation to me. I have no words of wisdom to offer. I do hope that you'll find someone who meets all of those criteria someday soon. It's a struggle... I was single for most of my adult life, and other than a brief, failed relationship from '95-'97, I've had no real relationships between the One That Got Away, and K (who I'm really glad didn't get away!).

Let's just see what happens next... I have a theory that these people always appear when one least expects it.

I first fell for D in a crowded restaurant. Literally. We'd never met before we ended up at the same birthday dinner; then I tripped and fell and landed at his feet. Good start, eh?

Never trust a man. Ivan! They're all treacherous evil beings.

Just have them for the fun...


utterly cynic

Oh, that is absolutely the way to meet a guy! I'd be ever so impressed if someone introduced themself by falling at my feet.

Garrgh, both my last two major relationships (1 Smitten, one not) began with the guys literally falling at my feet! It must be something about me...

As for Still Smitten After All These Years...yes, it does happen & how the hell you get over it, other than moving to a different continent, i don't know. Myself & Smitten still cannot look each other in the eye, much less even squeak "hello"; which isn't easy in a small town (& of course, the whole bloody town is aware that i at least am Still Smitten, despite having other diversions since then.)

*sigh*

Meeting Another does help take the edge off things, definitely; however, if Another cottons onto the Still Smitten status, the chances of Another becoming serious are pretty slim.

Ah well, worse things happen at sea, men. Right now i am enduring "Ebony & Ivory" because i'm posting this instead of hurling CD players around!



zdt

Ivan... D evidently does not reciprocate the smittenness (smit?) I gather? In which case you are chasing an unachievable dream. Sorry to be so brutally honest, but if this is the case you are going to tear yourself apart until you can put him aside. Trust me, I've been there - twice. It is the most destructive situation you can be in and it prevents you from moving on and making yourself attractive/avaialable for anybody else who really cares for you.

Fb

This is not really the same thing, but I thought I'd share anyway...

I've had some friendships end in my life that I never really got over. Good friendships that ended abruptly, and too soon. I still dream about these friends very often, as in literal night time dreams. When I wake up, I feel their presence so much from the dream, it is all I can do to not track them down and call them. But I know that would be a bad idea. We all leave a tremendous impression on each other. Strong bonds linger, they surely do.

That's where I'm lucky, Ellen. The relationship with D ended but the friendship is still there - and frankly I think it's indestructible after some of the things we've been through together. He does care about me, in his way... and I'm prepared to settle for what I can get.

Fb, you have email. It might make things a little clearer in some ways. At least, I hope so.

I hit post too soon, dammit.

The thing is, what I need to do here isn't anything about getting back together with D. That is simply not going to happen, for some very good reasons.

What I cannot do is walk away from him completely. (And remember, I get space by virtue of living 300km away from him.)

What I need to do is find some other outlet for the emotional/sensual side of me. Easier said than done. But I am going to make a concerted effort to get out of the house more and socialise more - and to pay more attention to possibilities...

That seems to be a sensible approach, i wish you all the from Irish hootoo land!

zdt

Thanks.

I'm feeling more or less back to level-headedness today. Good.

It's an odd thing, but I don't always lose the plot after a spell with D. In fact, this is the first serious bit of angst in years... Surely a temporary aberration. An aftershock, as it were.