h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hi there websailor,just wanted to say i saw your posting on frenchbeans thread,but didn't want to respond on there.I had to tell you that yo made me feel much better when you mentioned your mum.I lost my mum in november,and a few people have seemed to think it strange when i've said that i think we all went through the grieving process when she developed dementia some years ago.Nobody ever said it until she died,but that was when we felt the loss more,i'm sure of it.Of course we have all been sad,but i am glad that there isn't only me that's felt this way.tThank you.

Smurfles,

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. It is very dlfficult for anyone to understand if they haven't been through it, as it is so different from other types of loss. I felt guilty about the relief I felt for a long time.

The hardest part is that you never know just how much they understand, in lucid moments. The strain and frustration of looking after someone who is *there" but not *there* is very hard. It is worse because it often seems to happen to bright, active and intelligent people.

I had two small children at the time, which brought me back from her *lost* world, to reality, very quickly. Without them I don't know what I would have done. I know I will not wish to live like that for years, should it happen to me.

Enjoy your lives now - that would be the best gift you could give her. No mother would want her family to suffer like that.

and to you and your family.

Websailor

hi there,you're perfectly right in what you say,although mum had to go into residential care,and i was glad that she didn't know she had lost her home,and all the things she loved about it.Even when she didn't recognise us she still had a smile for everyone, and she knew that she knew us,just not that we were family.She is at peace now,and i am glad that she didnt suffer for a long time.I console myself with the fact that she didn't have a physical illness until the last weeks.

Websailor