h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*wanders in and waves boney paw in a friendly manner*

Methinks someone is wearing fancy dress. Grrrrrrrr.

And the last anonymous intruder I dealt with was a huge cat who found itself locked in my parents kitchen with three other cats and a big dog on Thursday night. I was woken up by banging, crashing, barking , screeching and metal bowls clattering off tables onto a tiled floor. Scared shitless? That'll teach me to leave the catflap locked in one direction.

Though it should be noted that the hero within me saw me burst through the kitchen door, low and sideways, heading straight for the biggest knife. Just in case.

*nods sagely*

........and then stand there staring at a rather large feline for two minutes whilst considering my next move.

Which was??

SQUEAK?

Well, you must remember that I didn't really want to escalate the stand-off to anything approaching violence, but the rather large and agitited intruder was blocking the path to the back door keys. Almost sitting on them in fact. And there's me with only cotton guarding my vulnerabilities from feline wrath. And the dog was not helping my opponent to calm down.

'Sits down on top of medium size life timer and listens intently*

So, I very bravely sidled up to the cat in as unthreatening a manner as possible, when I noticed that one of my cats was actually cornering it with the dog......

The intruding cat was quite grateful to be released from the trap (3 cats and one very large dog) and let me, once I had summoned the courage to do so, reach past it for the keys and unlock the door, at which point it scarpered and I got some kip.

Hi Zeb,
How ya doin?

Not bad, actually. Considerably better than the early moments of the tale above. Almost did something physically infantile.........

Yourself?

Not bad at all.we are no officially talking on two forums at once!!!!

No we're not! As usual, dragged away just when it's getting interesting.....