h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was christened Abigail Jill "Whoops damn she's fallen in the font! Shall I call a doctor? No I think it would be illegal to hold her head down Mrs Sawyer" Sawyer.

It was a terrible accident.

I have always wondered why Mrs and Mr Robyn called their oldest son, Cock

AJ/Lochangel, I am disorientated. You've changed your name, you've turned into a hard-drinking party girl, you're obsessed with the French Revolution. What a chameleon!! How has this come about?

Its a Madonna thing - I just have this need to keep reinventing myself! But I always hard drinking - runs in the genes.

Any way where have you been?

I'm not sure...I didn't think I'd been anywhere. Which is quite worrying, like when you drink too much and you forget where you were or what you did. I did go to Essex though, maybe I got stuck in a Mobius time loop while I was there.

Oh and I spent a bit of time being embarrassed at being identified on these pages by someone I know, thus bitterly regretting half of the stuff I've posted on here for all the world to see...

Ohmigod! that is appalling. I mean I would think that netiquette would decree that even if you did recognise some one you wouldn't mention it.

Ooh, you don't even have to recognise them...you just go to the "search for a friend" facility and enter their email address or their name...I found my brother on here like that too. Scary! And I thought I was being totally anonymous!

So where's your swanky work party then tomorrow?

London Zoo - Leith's are doing the catering.

A good old fashioned monkeys tea-party. Sounds fun!!

actually Looneytunes that is an uncannily accurate portrait of the night - you weren't there were you?

Only in spirit. I live 12,000 miles to the south of London. You turn left at Heathrow Airport

He He that should teach me not to check out home pages - well nice venue, good food, exorbitant alcohol.... but I now see my colleagues in a whole new way

I imagine a quiet, subdued, workplace this morning.

Frighteningly they all seem unrepentant. Now don't get me wrong I can party with the best of them... My last company was renowned for its parties but they were... well normal office parties. This was like something out of the twilight zone.

I'm all agog. Spill the gory details!

Imagine the family wedding from hell. Maiden aunts getting lairy, younger members of the family drinking so much that they couldn't stand by 7.30 and were later found passed out in a pile by a palm tree. Oh and one of your friends attempting to breakdance and later stripping all while showing off his Al Pacino impression. There was a mexican standoff between two girls - various examples of dancing that should be illegal and a mini riot when the bar first ran out of change and then the till broke. I just looked around and thought Christ these the people that I work with and they are weird - not even eccentric just weird. It was about 11 o'clock when I suddenly realised that I felt exactly like Alice in Wonderland - thoroughly confused by the whole situation, nothing was right. It was being in a dream. I am sure that if I had taken drugs it would have all made perfect sense. But I did meet a very nice lobster in the new exhibition - the Web of Life. He was a stud lobster.

Blimey, you lot know how to live. Did this friend of yours actually strip naked then? Was he one of the ones you brought along for support?

I was actually looking for a lobster on Saturday. A toy one, that is, for my South Sea Pirate Party outfit. I went all the way to the Aquarium but they didn't have any, so I had to make do with a squeaky octopus. I made this elaborate head-dress which consisted of a lobster pot filled with a squeaky octopus, a spiny fish that squirted vodka and some jewels. I made tresses of seaweed from green crepe paper. Philip Treacy would have been proud. Trouble was, it was so heavy it kept falling off. But hey, I managed to wear it in a few photos and that's what counts. Then I got horribly drunk, but not quite as horribly drunk as the other attendees.

No he works on the first floor here - cue lots of jokes about not recognising him with his clothes on!!!!

The costume sounds fabulous - i want to hear about the fish that squirted vodka! was it a sort of public service type thing? I bet you looked stunning!

I am attending a Medieval Mid Winter Xmas dinner party (think southern hemisphere) on Saturday. To gain entry you must be dressed up in theme. The guest of honour is Blackadder. Suggestions as to what I wear please. I am male, slim, balding and have facial hair.