h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just Gina?

Posted Jun 3, 2007

Not quite. Someone, only one somebody, long, long ago used to call me Gina, although that wasn't my name. It was their name, for me.

I loved this person more than I ever loved anyone before, and in a way I've never loved anybody since. Although I've loved others, just never the same, nor for as long. Nor as true. As completely.

I still continue to love that someone although no longer here, for over 20 years.

A pretty remarkable person, sorely missed.

I also miss who I use to be with that person, everything changed the day they were no more. I changed. I was certainly never the same. My future was altered and my past lost. There was nobody left to share either with. Or to understand.

Nobody knew me as well, nobody ever has. Despite that knowledge, they not only loved me but liked me. I miss that too.

In the time of Gina, I used to write, frequently. Letters, songs, poems, monologues all as a form of head excorsism, as I was never disciplined enough to write a diary, and whenever I tried, I felt I couldn’t be honest enough. I’d write as though someone might someday read it, and there’s only so much I’d want to reveal, admit to. So, this was a more oblique, enigmatic approach to telling things as I experienced them, and a way I found much easier, more natural.

Since then, I’ve written sporadically. Snippets here and there.

I’m hoping that in resurrecting Gina, I might once again find my muse, might once again, find Gina. At least a small part of her.

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: Jun 3, 2007