Journal Entries
9/08/23
Posted May 10, 1999
My eyesight is growing weaker. Last Wednesday, I attempted to make love to a meat loaf. I was subsequently detained by the authorities until I could produce positive identification. Yesterday, Regis crammed an entire cantelope into his right nostril. I fear he may never realize his dream of becoming prime-minister.
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Latest reply: May 10, 1999
3/23/72
Posted May 10, 1999
Discovered a discoloration the skin on the back of my left knee. Concerned that it might be melanoma. Regis gets stronger by the hour...he may eventually break free and exact his revenge. Tasted my first kiwi today. Kind of like a strawberry, yet hairier and much more tart. Regis says that he's never eaten any fruit that has fur. I tightened his restraints until he bled profusely from his left wrist.
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Latest reply: May 10, 1999
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