h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...I'm waiting...

You may be waiting for a while as the funds for a full scale invasion, starting in the British Isles, have not yet been made available by the Emperor

maybe you should apply to be a registered charity

Would you donate to a charity threatening to invade Britain and the world? If so you could probably be made a citizen of the empire.

what are the perks?

Free Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters whenever you are in the Empires territory.

what about free access to the empire's best rehab clinics afterwards?

The Empire doesn't need rehab clinics as most people are usually either strong enough to handle it, or just die from the experience.

hmm, okay

So, what is it to be? Do you wish to join the Empire, or are you going to defend your world. The Emperor is very interested in new citizens as he feels that the ones currently under his command are loosing their brain cells. He is quite unsure whether this is due to Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters or the fact that we get a large smack about the head with a large haddock if we commit any crime - this happens quite often due to the ammount of intoxicating drinks consumed.

I think this deserves huge quantites of consideration, and a few million years of
computer runtime to decide upon

As long as it doesn't involve building another planet. I think we have enough already.

have you considered joining zachsmind's yahoo club (with realtime chatroom!)

at http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/h2g2

I have never thought about it. Should I. (I try o think as little as possible)

well, you can use yahoo's pager then to see when I'm online

does that appeal to you?

Maybe. It depends on whether you're just trying to gain my confidence so you can steal my towel.

I have my own towel

It's green

Mine is blue. A nicer colour I think.

M&S had run out of blue ones

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!! Poor Benjymouse