h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

05 May 1999 10:23am

Posted May 5, 1999

I overslept. There's really no excuse for it, my alarm was set for the correct time, and I woke up enough to hit the snooze button to give me an extra nine minutes of denial that the day had actually started. (Why nine minutes? It makes no sense, either in base ten or in a sixty-minute hour.) An hour of nine minutes later, I finally decided it was time to get out of bed.

It is only when I'm running late that I can find nothing to wear. As I was particularily late this morning, the process of finding suitable attire was especially difficult. As I wandered through my apartment I gesticulated my frustration, only to knock the lamp that should be hanging over my kitchen table if I had placed the kitchen table where the architect decided it should go instead of where it makes more sense to leave it. And, since I was barefoot, one of the glass shades on the lamp toppled off and crashed to the floor in a myriad of viscious pieces. (When I wear shoes and knock a shade off, it merely bounces, which leads me to believe that Glass is, in fact, an intelligent and malevolent life-form.)

Properly attired and bandaged, and leaving the glass where it was, I finally set out for my 20-45 minute drive to work. (My travel time depends on the number and the stupidity of the other drivers on the road. They were especially stupid today; it took the full 45 minutes.) And when I finally showed up at work, there was no coffee. Not just that it hadn't been made yet; all we had left was decaf. I've never been able to see the point of decaf coffee. It's like drinking dehydrated water, in my opinion. Especially when one is late and tired and frustrated and bleeding.

I should have just kept snoozing.
 
 
 

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