h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Doctor Smith -- just wanted to let you know that Batman is watching you. I have spoken.

Batman -- where's your page? I can't find it. Hmmm... maybe it's under 'Blobby' or 'Rob's sister is hot.' I'll check.

Doctor Smith- careful of this 'Batman' character. He likes men, and I hear that you are a member of said subset of the human species. Suggestion: balls of newspaper all around your bedroll. 'Batman' is a nocturnal homosexual whose anal attacks are extremely vicious and can be prevented, or at least lessened, by this 'newspaper trick.' Its lets you know when he's 'coming.' That's 'coming.' If he's 'cumming' and you don't know it, then you could be 'The Boy Wonder,' the mythical creature whose spfincter is so loose he can feel nothing. It is said that when 'Batman' molests this creature, he must perform the 'donkey punch' in order to get the desired feeling. 'The donkey punch' is a hard hit in the back of the head just prior to climax which knocks out the 'packee' causing his/her muscles (including the spfincter) to contract increasing pleasure. Though some of this is hearsay, I have had one incounter with the 'Batman' in which he did attempt to penetrate me through the 'out hole.'
-Chris Baltes, Protector of All Things Straight

Just for the record, I will accept no responsibility whatsoever for "Batman's" last reply...