h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Fallacy of Stairs

Posted Apr 29, 1999

I've noticed something. Carpeted stairs are, in general, a bad idea. I can't think of a good reason to carpet a stair. Now some may say, well, you won't get hurt when you fall down them. These people have obviously never fallen down a flight of carpeted stairs. I fell down my stairs yesterday. My elbows look like they had a nervous breakdown from the inside out. And there is not enough carpeting in the world to make that final "thunk" as you fall onto your rear end for the final time any less painful or embarrassing. In fact, it is difficult to explain to anyone why you fell down a flight of carpeted stairs in the first place. You get an odd look and the same pat comment, "But, the stairs are carpeted. How'd you fall down them?" let me explain something to stair makers. Socks and stairs don't mix. It doesn't matter if they're carpeted stairs, wood stairs, vinyl, polyester, or shag left over from the Roaring 70's. If you make a habit of going up or down stairs while wearing socks, invariably, one day you'll be in a hurry, you'll not be as cautious as one going up or down stairs should be, and you're feet will suddenly decide the law of gravity doesn't really apply to them after all. Luckily, noone was present when I took my tumble. Except, of course, the cat who gave me a contemptuous look as if to say, "That was stupid". Same cat who in the process of stretching rolled off the couch yesterday and came up with a rather suprised look that clearly said, "Well, *that* wasn't supposed to happen". Of course, my excuse for being clumsy and making the flight in the first place is that I am seven months pregnant, and therefore not responsible for any of my actions. Funny, noone else saw it that way, and this fact of pregnancy was used against me... "What are you doing going up and down stairs in your condition anyway?" But that's a whole other entry... 

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Latest reply: Apr 29, 1999