h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dancing Tree:
I have been trying desperately to get in contact with you for the past month via E-Mail. I have sent the same message to three different E-Mail addresses. You have:-
A) not received them
B) received them but are too busy to reply
C) received them and are busy thinking up a witty response
or
D) received them and are ignoring me (Boo Hoo)

So I got myself reconnected to H2G2, after around 4 months, following my sudden-move-because-wanted-by-government ( ) to France.

Please get this and answer me,

Tour long lost little dancing moonmin friend
Pippa

Answer E) I'm afriad:

E) Sent three replies but every one of them bounced.

Although this may sound a little odd, can you send another e.mail with the actual e.mail address in the text? The reason for this is that all your e.mails had different reply-to addresses and some of them looked very odd indeed. Not odd in the sense of an elephant judgling baked bean, but you get the idea.

Either that or get yourself a Yahoo account or something. The "or something" could be "yell really loud" or "send a carrier pigeon".

Well, back to the grind-stone (or at least the DTP package).

C.

right. I'll send another v. short message.
Looking forward to hearing from you a.s.a.p.
Pippa
x

Just sent something from the Yahoo account. However, your e.mail address is still coming through very bizarrely in the "from" field.

C

Boo!
the thingy that i just installed on my page says you are online at the mo.
did you get my last message?
write back,
P
x

Boo again.
welliwrote the last message, re-checked the thingy and you had gone.
are you avoiding me?
*wears a questioning look with left eyebrow raised*
anyway, I hope you get this soon.
p
X

hey dancin tree bloke......
another poor bugger who has to suffer yateley......
having been here all of my 17 years i know that to be a true pyky you must worship at the alter of kfc.......
if u are not seen there everynight in your day-glo kappa than u juat dont cut it....
yateley has nothing to offer to the young people (ermmmmm me an some other non-trendy students) except that discoveries does some kool toys.........
is your page a commisioned add for yateley or something?
but yea, i agree with the idea that estates are taking over.

hey pip ol' chum, if ya read this then i think hes jus too god-damn lazy to reply....

Not really, but holding down a full-time job, subbing this guide, co-ordinating an audio project, an art project and also trying to have a life leaves little time ...

As for Yateley, well it used to be quite a nice place but has gone downhill over the last few years. Where I live is now littered with fairly drunk 13 year olds at night banging on fences and making trouble. When you confront them they attempt a load of pseudo legal babble, such as "touch us and we'll sue you". Seeing one of my neighbours grab one by the throat one night and say "so, sue me now" was quite fun, and would work nicely in a movie. (Oddly enough, we had no trouble from the oiks for a couple of weeks.)

I just despair from the fact that when I was that age, my friends and I always found something to do, even in a commuter town such as Yateley, and never rampaged round the streets at night looking for trouble. Just blaming the town itself is simply an excuse, although the travel links do leave a little to be desired (mind you, the bus service to London for a fiver is very good).

The page on H2G2 is obviously not commissioned, just me saying it as I see it. And as for KFC, well, I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

And, yes, I did get the overt level of sarcasm is your missive!!

"Not really, but holding down a full time job, subbing this guide, co-ordinating an audio project, an art project and also trying to have a life leaves little time..."
Yeah, right, excuses, excuses!
We _ARE_ your life Oh wise one, admit it, You have no friends apart from us, you just don't want to seem too eager!
Am about to go and write you a loooooooooong E-Mail, NOTE TO SELF: thinks I must also write one to P_S_Fairy,
A toast, Here is to none of us ever learning the meaning of Brevity!
Loadsa luv
P
XX

P.S. Rosie, my cat, will be placed on the key board to send you both a short message which I will then translate in case you don't understand, for she does have a very tangential way of thinking.

Okay, I admit it. I am just too lazy to do anything!

(Then why are you typing this?)

Hmmm ... good question, and one I'll answer by saying nothing. You will never make me talk.

(Oh, go on.)

Alright then. I was just trying to avoid my predeliction for day-glo kappas and KFC. Either that or reminiscing about my youth with a tear in my eye. Or something.

No, no. I was just really tired and being cynical and disagreeable. Either that or I was tied upside-down over a burning bit and forced, yes forced, to type the missive. *boom*

k, the truth about yateley......
yes it was once nice........an small children used to play in the streets....
but now it is grey an the busses are always late......me an pip tried to go to reading on the reading bus an it didnt bloody turn up!
but the other day it came 20 mins late an sat at the bus stop for half an hour........near my house.......jus to make up for it......

so which bit of yateley do u live in then?
i is living in lymington ave......off of vigo lane.......

yateley does have good stuff .......like the discovories shop near the church which sells cheap ol toys..........but there are too many damn chip shops..........an estate agents.........an townies who like to make idle threats..........because im different........poo.....

yateley is nice...........when your asleep...........

A gathering of people from Yateley, excellent. It seems that you all live in Lymington Avenue or Hardy Avenue. I live near Tudor Drive, yes where they knocked down the nice parade of shops in order to build an Alldays. Of course, Lymington Avenue is the gate way to Yateley School, the amount of times I have trudged down that alley into, as you quite rightly call it, Colditz II (the railings make it look like a concentration camp). Regarding your comments on kids who threaten to sue if you touch them, I must also give the example of the frequent shouts of "I'll get my cousin on you" followed by "alright then, fight down the green after school". Sadly, those days are over and although I have escaped Yateley, I now reside in a small university town in Scotland which offers much less than a KFC, One Stop and a few pubs. After 18 years of wanting to get out of Yateley, I now can't wait to return next week to experience being thrown out of the Royal Oak by sadistic bouncers who look suspiciously at any form of I.D you hand to them, it's almost as if you need a lawyer and the doctor who delivered you as proof of age.

I like your comment on the security cameras, unfortunateley they do not monitor the vast network of alleys that make up Yateley's underworld. Here are some:
Lymington avenue to School
Lymington Avenue to Vigo Lane
Handford Lane to Farm View
Farm View to Hall Farm cresent
Hall farm Cresent to either Crandford park Drive or Home park Cresent
Crandford Park Drive to Lawford Cresent
Lawford cresent to Church or dentist (down muddy path)

If you can think of any more, tell me
Sorry For this drivel, I'm bored in St Andrews, Fife, Scotland

Don't forget Dungell's Lane to Hardy Avenue, the maze of alleyways around Manor Park Drive, and one of the very scariest - Christie Walk to the back-end of Dungells Lane.

As for Tudor Drive - that really annoyed me. The guy that ran it, Pete, arrived in Yateley the same year as me, and I remember being a wee lad going there and getting my sweets! When it went it was a piece of history that was destroyed! And Alldays sucks in terms of service...

Anyway, I'm nbot in Yateley too much these days (thankfully) - working and "leisuring" somewhere else as often as possible.

Finally, the Royal Oak. I had a ruck with one of said bouncers. Quite amusing, really. My line of "This ****hole is not a ****ing club, you know" went down particularly well.

it was sad when pete sold up, he didnt want to though...
i always used to go there for my sweets...a piece of my childhood gone ~sigh~
well i live at 1 lymington ave, the one with 5/6/7 cats, ive lost count, our neighbours have loads too and the amount of little bastards i have had to stop attempting to kick a cat....u can hear them coming home past my house if i finish college early....noisy buggers

the benchs in yateley should also be camera viewed....speaking as a young metal sort who wears baggy clothes an wallet chains walking past a bench load of pykys looking for troube is shit scary...i get threatened on busses and have abuse hurled at me in public any way...
by pykys with the greasy hair and gold earings....cheak out the red puffa.......i do not want to have to walk past the bench at the top of vigo to see its covered in the people who threaten me on the local busses.....purly cos they out number me.......sad......

i dont visit yateley pubs......the ag in camberly is good on a sat for alternative youth an if you work at camberley cinema like me, u get in for nouht.....