h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Peanut has obviously started a dwarf thread!

Dwarves in the garden
digging channel. They explain
it's flood defences.

Even though it would be a good idea my dwarves don't seem to be that inclined to dig out flood defences, *wonders why that is is*

yes, sorry about that mvp, do you think I could stretch this on my CV as 'muse', Houdini's Speedos and Dwarf haikus, they say it good to have something eye catching if you want to get a interview these days

the gnomes aren't much help either

Yeah for these dwarves, Bea and MVP.

Sorry to hear about all that rain. Poor MVP, bicycling in it.

Putting 'muse' on a CV? And I could put poet (of a sort) and would-be-fiction writer. Do you think anyone would employ me?

They probably want meta-analysis modellers, derivative tracking auditors, performance-indicator assessors.

[Amy P]

25th November - Sunday

We're emptying and cleaning our kitchen because the kitchen renovation company are coming tomorrow. They're not taking everything out - just doors and drawer fronts.

We pile boxes high
with saucepans, cups, colanders,
more plates than we need.

We scrub kitchen shelves.
Buckets of water, scourers
crowd worktops and floors.

[Amy P]

Monday 26 November.

The men who are fitting my kitchen have arrived. I was originally going to go to my yoga class and leave them to it, but they were late arriving. It was bucketing down with rain and I wasn't surprised when they said there were floods everywhere, delaying the traffic.

So I'm sitting in our spare bedroom, which is full of boxes crammed with cooking utensils, tins of food and jars of spices. I've decided that, one thing that I can do in the circumstances, is write.

Workmen cut a length
of mock granite work surface,
shining grey-brown, new.

They fill the kitchen
with sawdust and screeching noise.
I try to stay clear.

Nice dwarf poetry! Makes a change from "bucket and spade and a hand grenade, hi ho" (etc)...

sprout

Tuesday 27 November

We could have a dwarf poetry competition. Personally, I like Dmitri's and Beatrice's (I missed the two meanings of 'ring' at first.)

But these haikus are catching. I originally planned to write a couple about our new kitchen. But the birds in the garden deserved their own haikus, and there was one for the stream...

So here are the bird haikus.

Three crows sit on roof -
mourners at a funeral -
bully the pigeon.

Two wood pigeons
land on the bird table roof
and make it wobble.

[Amy P]

Wednesday 28 November.

I'm still restocking my kitchen, after the new units were installed. It's odd there never seems to be enough space to put things, and yet they all came out.

I carry a tray
loaded with plates and saucers
gingerly down stairs.

I teeter on steps
with bags of flour and sugar,
try to find spaces.

[z]

The crows haiku is very neat.

sprout

Thanks, sprout

[Amy P]

I like those crows, too.

We've got some noisy ones out back. Also, some very belligerent brown doves who fight with the squirrels.

People think pigeons and doves are peaceful but they're not. I've seen the big fat wood pigeons we see round here fighting with the smaller collared doves.

Thursday 29 November

The man who refitted my kitchen came and looked at my new gas hob, because one of the burners kept going out. He poked it, turned it on and off again, swapped the knobs round, declared it working. I hope he's right.

I decided to go swimming again, so these are swimming bath haikus.

A pile of long floats -
a bright coloured octopus-
lies on the pool side.

A group of women,
doing keep fit in water,
grasp and wave the floats.