h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Guinness is a black alcoholic substance often found in the company of Irish people. Guinness originates from Ireland, and it has displaced the shamrock as the national symbol of the country. Indeed, Irish priests and nuns are obliged by law to go around dressed like pints of Guinness as a mark of respect for the great sustenance of the Irish people. It must only be drunk under the following conditions 1) if the "head" (the bit on the top) is 1.2 cm in length, 2) at least 2 minutes have elapsed while the pint is allowed to settle, 3) it is in a proper pint glass (wine glasses just won't do), and 4) you are not being charged more than about £2.20 for it. In some countries, Guinness is considered an aphrodisiac. This is true after exactly 5 pints (lets face it, at 5 pints everything begins to look vaguely sexual), any more will cause the phenomenon of "brewers droop".