h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is the thread for the e mailed stories

spidey

Ok. Here you go. Read, digest. Make a list One to thirteen. Add your scores and crits. Mail to me.

One.

Clipped wings

“This is the last time I wear these jeans when I’m on!
I can’t even walk properly.”

“It’s not the jeans that are your problem love, it’s
those fancy pads! Those bloody ‘now you can do
anything’ adverts…”
“You know, Sharon, I think you’re right. It’s chafing
me something rotten. Here, lend me your nail scissors
a minute, will you…”


Two.

John’s Secret

“What are you doing?”
“God, you made me jump. I’m listening to see if Johns in.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s hiding something, I know he is.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I want to have a look.”
“Well I don’t think you should.”
“The doors not locked, I’m going in.”
“No don’t, John’s keeping a Cobra in... To late.”




Three.

The Tunnel

Another deadline awaits. Taking a deep breath, I plunge in. I must reach the end in time. Then I begin to feel the familiar numbness and tingling in wrists and hands as I type, progressing through each finger in turn. I must carry on, try to ignore the pain. Please let there be light at the end of this one


Four.

The tunnel

John held her hand in his and gently said,
‘Don’t be frightened, Mary, just walk with me, trust me’
‘I do’ Mary cried, ‘but I’m afraid of the dark’
‘I know sweetheart, but it’s only a little way now’
‘I can’t, I’m sorry’ Mary sobbed, letting go.

‘Clear’ the doctor shouted, waited.
‘We’ve got a pulse; we’ve got her back!



Five.

Clipped Wings

Dawn rose, pearl-white and cold, as Angels circled Saint Peters. Pope
Borgia cursed and sent forth his cringing Gargoyles. They seized Angelus
and clipped his wings, then held up their bloodied shears in triumph. While
feathers fell as soft as thoughts, Angelus plummeted through earth and
stone, towards Earth's fire. "Devillius" they called him, so we wouldn't
heed his screams.


Six.

Almost a Silhouette

The shadow held your face in a frame of soft sepia.
Almost a silhouette, you sat motionless between the bed and the window, as the streaky November light surrendered to night’s grasp.
Lips, numb with emotion, scarcely breathed,
“He’s gone.”
A seagull wailed on downward wing as quiet tears rolled years into seconds, and the moment was ours, for always.


Seven.

Almost a Silhouette

The parchment moon hung vast and elliptical on the horizon. A
shimmering
path shone across the lake. That and the stars were all he could see.
Thousands of tiny glimmering eyes along the lakeshore watched the black
coach’s approach along the watery path…
He thought he saw a thin mist passing before the moon as it soundlessly
halted before him.


Eight.

The Tunnel

“Lizzy! You gotta move now; if you wait any longer you’ll be trapped.”

The words barely heard over the water’s torrent. Icy swirls of fear splintered through her unwilling body. Composing herself, she descended through the narrow access vent. Emerging, minutes later, with a small, limp body draped over her shoulder.

“Well done, Lizzy, you’re first tunnel rescue exercise completed.”


Nine.

The Tunnel

Sand trickled into my ears and eyes; my mouth and nostrils. I groped my way forwards in a cocoon of grit. I could smell the boots of the man in front; hear the grunts of the man behind. We were a shuffling slug of soft tissue. Freedom beckoned.

We were heading for the light. But it was a goon’s spotlight.



Ten.

Clipped Wings

Twenty years ago they were young and care free
teenagers, running wild with the urgencies and
passions of youth. Now most of the old gang was
weighed down with the financial responsibilities of
families and mortgages. The only exception was Mark
Turner, who had won the lottery; he annoyed everyone
by referring to the reunion as the “Clipped Wings
Club”.



Eleven.

John's secret

“I’m sick, Sarah,” John whispered, his heart pounding and his brow
bedewed.
“I can’t help myself and I don’t know what to do. It’s in me and I
can’t get
it out. I love him so much, Sarah, but I can’t promise to protect him
from
me.”
Sarah sighed and rolled over; she was still fast asleep.
“Please help me.”


Twelve.

John's Secret:

I wanted to confess to her and the wasted luxury of the night sky.
Stories
of where I'd been; those bloody cities and cave-filled mountains, men
who
had never prayed and women with eyes like sun on silk who longed for me
to
take them. Just one more heavenly night, Father. Please forgive me.
I'll say
Mass in the morning...


Thirteen.

The Tunnel

The guards' routine was irregular, but too frequent to risk a dash for the wire. A tunnel was the only answer. It would take time, but...

The last few feet - the guards would not be looking towards the woods. If they were quiet...

The tunnel filled with their dark forms. A few minutes suffocating darkness - and the mink were free.

One. Theme 8 / Grammar 6------------------------14 .
Crit: This use of the theme had also occurred to me!

Two. Theme 7 / Grammar 7---------------------14
Crit: Neat and simple twist.

Four. Theme 8 / Grammar 7----------------------------15
Crit: I liked this one, although it was tricky to convey
in only 60 words. I think the meaning was clear though

Five. Theme 8 / Grammar 9----------------------------------17
Crit: Strong dramatic narrative with a touch of poetry!

Six. Theme 8 / Grammar 8------------------------------------16
Crit: A lovely poetic snapshot. I'm a little confused as to POV though?

Seven. Theme 6 / Grammar 8---------------------------------14
Crit: Beautifully written but - I'm not sure what the actual story is here? A snapshot?

Eight. Theme 8 / Grammar 8--------------------------------------16
Crit: Good use of theme. You can feel the tension and the fear. Good one!
Nine. Theme 7 / Grammar 6------------------------------------------13
Crit: I could smell the boots too!

Ten. Theme 7 / Grammar 8---------------------------------------------15
Crit: This reads like the opening to a good story - I want to read on...!

Eleven. Theme 9 / Grammar 8--------------------------------------------17
Crit: This was disturbing! Well written and good use of theme.


Twelve. Theme 6 / Grammar 9--------------------------------------------15
Crit: Liked where this was going. I did feel that the ending was perhaps a little abrupt and that the same idea could have been expressed better within the story.

Thirteen. Theme 8 / Grammar 8--------------------------------------------16
Crit: Interesting use of theme and a pretty well rounded story!
---------------------xxxxxxxxxxxx
Story 1---------------------------------------18
Use of theme – 9
Grammar etc - 9
Very funny and real.
Great use of dialogue.
Brilliant implied use of title.
Story 2-----------------------------------------13
Use of theme - 6
Grammar etc - 7
Nice story with a moral for the nosy at the end. Dialogue is a bit like a tennis match - back and forth.
Also it should be "too late."
Story 3------------------------------------------------15
Use of theme - 7
Grammar etc - 8
Is this personal pain that you bravely wrote about? It was expressed very well.

Story 4----------------------------------------17
Use of theme - 9
Grammar etc - 8
Very well written. A great story with an interesting twist at the end.
Story 6------------------------------------------16
Use of theme - 9
Grammar etc - 7
Beautiful descriptions - especially "as quiet tears rolled years into
seconds".
It illustrated the moment uniting them and the strange beauty of grief.
The only bit I thought could be improved was "the streaky November
Light surrendered to night's grasp". I thought of streaky bacon.
Story 7-------------------------------------------------------15
Use of theme - 8
Grammar etc - 7
Darkly descriptive.
Wonderful imagery - such as the stars being all he could see and
objects
being like a shadowy silhouette. I wondered if it would flow more smoothly if you looked at sentence lengths and structures - too many 'statement' sentences.

Story 8------------------------------------------------13
Use of theme - 7
Grammar etc - 6
Great scene setting.
Good lively prose.
But the last sentence was not quite clear enough. Perhaps it would be better as "Well done Lizzy! You've completed your first Rescue Tunnel exercise."
Story 9-------------------------------------------------------------------15
Use of theme - 8
Grammar etc - 7
I liked your gritty realism - though it was still poetic in it's own way. Good original descriptions such as " I could smell the boots of the man in front"
Story 10-----------------------------------------------------------------16
Use of theme - 8
Grammar etc - 8
Lively, light-hearted writing.
I'm sure most people could relate to your story.Great use of the title in story.
Story 11-----------------------------------------15
Use of theme - 8
Grammar etc - 7
Vastly terrible subject. I liked the juxtaposition of someone painfully baring their soul and the partner still asleep. The dialogue of the man with himself worked very well.
Story 12--------------------------------------------------------------------16
Use of theme - 8
Grammar etc - 8
Beautiful descriptions. It ran very smoothly.
Story 13----------------------------------------------------------------------15
Use of theme - 7
Grammar etc - 8
A well-written, clever piece of writing, revealing the subjects to be mink at the end.
I would like to read the whole story - perhaps it would be 'darker' than Watership Down.
---------------xxxxxxxxxx

1 Theme 9 punctuation 6---------------------------------------------15
2 Theme 6 punctuation 6---------------------------------------------12
3 Theme 7.5 punctuation 6-------------------------------------------13.5
4 Theme 8 punctuation 6-------------------------------------14
5 Theme 8.5 punctuation 6---------------------------------------14.5
6 Theme 8.5 punctuation 6-------------------------------------14.5
7 Theme 8 punctuation 6--------------------------------------14
8 Theme 8 punctuation 6---------------------------------------14
9 Theme 8 punctuation 6-----------------------------------------14
11 Theme 6 punctuation 6---------------------------------------12
12 Theme 8 punctuation 6-----------------------------------------14
13 Theme 8 punctuation 6---------------------------------------14

-------------------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxx

Story 1. Theme: 6.5/Grammar etc: 7--------------------------------13.5
Crit: It’s a decent concept but I didn’t find it funny. Also didn’t like the use of “…”

Story 2. Theme: 6/Grammar etc: 6---------------------------------------12
Crit: Found the story unsatisfying with a weak ending. Also, the grammar etc was a bit off.

Story 3. Theme: 7/Grammar etc: 8------------------------------------------15
Crit: A decent story with decent grammar.

Story 4. Theme: 8/Grammar etc: 5 -------------------------------------------------------13
Crit: A strong story with awful grammar.

Story 5. Theme: 7/Grammar etc: 8--------------------------------------------------------15
Crit: Story was OK, grammar etc was strong.

Story 6. Theme: 8/Grammar etc: 8---------------------------------------------------------16
Crit: Good concept that’s over-written a tad. Grammar etc was good.

Story 7. Theme: 6/Grammar etc: 8------------------------------------------------------------14
Crit: Story was uninspiring but grammar etc was good.

Story 8. Theme: 7/Grammar etc: 8------------------------------------------------------15
Crit: Good story with good grammar.

Story 9. Theme: 7.5/Grammar etc: 7--------------------------------------------------14.5
Crit: Good story with a curious use of a semi-colon.

Story 10. Theme: 6.5/Grammar etc: 8--------------------------------------------------14.5
Crit: Just didn’t enjoy it.



Story 12. Theme: 6.5/Grammar etc: 7.5----------------------------------------------14
Crit: Good concept ruined by the imagery of, “Sun on silk”. What the Hell is that? Reeks of pretence.

Story 13. Theme: 6/Grammar etc: 6--------------------------------------------------12
Crit: I just didn’t like this. Didn’t like the use of “…” nor the story.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxx


Story one – theme 7 / grammar 6---------------------------------13
Quirky take on title, with wit and humour

Story two – theme 6 / grammar 6-----------------------------------12
Too quirky for my taste, and a tad unbelievable

Story three – theme 6 / grammar 6----------------------------------12
Felt this was a little forced to fit title

Story five – theme 9 / grammar 6----------------------------------15
Superb evocative language and brilliant imagery

Story six – theme 8 / grammar 6-----------------------------------------14
Soft, sad story, beautifully told

Story seven – theme 8 / grammar 6--------------------------------------14
Haunting tale, apt for Halloween

Story eight - theme 7 / grammar 6--------------------------------------------13
Made me shiver, and glad to be at home and warm

Story nine – theme 7 / grammar 6---------------------------------------------13
Was confused as to whether this was a prisoner of war tale

Story ten – theme 6 / grammar 6------------------------------------------------12
Didn’t catch my imagination

Story eleven – theme 9 / grammar 6--------------------------------------------15
Deep, dark and disturbing, made me think

Story twelve – theme 8 / grammar 6---------------------------------------------14
Evocative, with a twist

Story thirteen – theme 7 / grammar 6--------------------------------------------13
Good twist, didn’t see it coming
--------------------------xxxxxxxxxx

1-----------------------------------18

8 Funny take on the theme. Good dialogue. Somehow it’s a horrible image of the nail scissors and the clipping.

10 Couldn’t see anything wrong here.

2--------------------------------------12

6 It’s nicely suspenseful, but the surprise could have been greater.

6 Need apostrophe for John’s and door’s; cobra doesn’t need to be capitalised; ‘o’ missing on ‘too’.

3---------------------------------------17

8 Good idea with a neat twist. ‘Plunge in’ suggests a physical tunnel/hole and diverts the reader from the true meaning very well.

9 Needs a full-stop.

4------------------------------------11

8 Great idea.

3 Speech punctuation is wrong throughout. I counted 9 mistakes in all.

5--------------------------16

9 How superb to put across so much in sixty words - in poetic language too! I love ‘feathers soft as thoughts’.

7 Apostrophe needed on St. Peter’s; gargoyles doesn’t need capital; comma needed after Devillius.

6---------------------------15

6 I’m not really sure what’s happening here. I like ‘seagull wailed on downward wing’. ‘Streaky November night’ makes me think of bacon unfortunately.

9

7 ------------------------------13

6 I don’t understand this one either, although I like its atmospheric tone.

7 The thin mist can’t pass before the moon and halt at the same time; don’t need ellipsis after path.

8--------------------------------14

7 Different idea for Tunnel title, neatly done.

7 ‘You’re’ should be ‘your’; ‘Emerging’ should be part of previous sentence or ’She emerged….’



10 ---------------------------16.5

7.5 Good idea about something that is sadly often true…

9 Think carefree is one word.

11--------------------------------17

8 Menacing and sad. It’s a great idea to have Sarah soundly sleeping.

9 ‘bedewed’ seems archaic for this story.

12-----------------------------------18

9 Lovely language: ‘eyes like sun on silk’. The language contrasts brilliantly with the cynical tone of the last sentence.

9 Think a colon would be more appropriate than a semi-colon.


13-------------------------------------16

7 Neat twist, intensified by thinking that the ‘dark forms’ are the guards.

9 First dash would be better as a full-stop.

xxx
Story 1. Theme;10 / Grammar etc; 8--------------------------------18
Definitely an original take on the title. Liked this one.

Story 3. Theme; 7 / Grammar etc; 8---------------------------------15
Took a couple of readings but got there in the end. It’s getting late and I’m feeling a bit dim.

Story 4. Theme; 8 / Grammar etc; 10-------------------------------18
Is there life after life? Don’t know. What I do know is this is a good story.

Story 5. Theme; 6 / Grammar etc; 8--------------------------------14
Another one that took several readings before I could in to it. But again that most probably says more about me then the story.

Story 6. Theme; 8 / Grammar etc; 9-------------------------------------17
A vivid picture of sadness and loss.

Story 7. Theme; 7 / Grammar etc; 10---------------------------------------17
I’m afraid that this one I wasn’t sure about. But that’s only me.

Story 8. Theme; 8 / Grammar etc; 9-------------------------------------------17
Nice story with a good little twist at the end.

Story 9. Theme; 8 / Grammar etc; 7----------------------------------------15
A good story with some good descriptions.

Story 10. Theme; 9 / Grammar etc; 10---------------------------------------------19
Reunions aren’t always a good thing unlike this story which is good.

Story 11. Theme; 8 / Grammar etc; 10------------------------------------------18
Very thought provoking.

Story 12. Theme; 8 / Grammar etc; 10----------------------------------------------18
But does confessing put things right. Definitely something to think about.

Story 13. Theme; 9 / Grammar etc; 6---------------------------------------------------15
This is a good and original story. Unfortunately there are more then 60 words (62).

xxxxx
Story 1. Theme, 7/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation, 10---------------17
Crit. I have to admit a lack of experience in these matters. Made me
smile
though.

Story 2. Theme, 8/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 10----------------18
Crit. Something a little like this happened to me once so I could well
believe it. Good dialog and I enjoyed this a lot too.

Story 3. Theme, 7/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 9-------------------16
Crit. My WP thought ‘I must carry on,’ would have better been ‘I must
carry
on;’ Story good desperate and to the point.

Story 4. Theme, 8/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 10------------------18
Crit. I wasn’t expecting the end and it held my attention well. Good
dialog
clearly done for 3 characters.

Story 5. Theme, 9/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 10-----------------19
Crit. Great use of language images and seemed very original.

Story 6. Theme, 9/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 9-------------------18
Crit. Great use of language and images; really captured a mood.
Unfortunately the ‘L’ in Lips’ was capitalised.

Story 8. Theme, 8/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 9-------------17
Crit. Good action and the end was quite unexpected. ‘You’re’ should
have
been ‘your’.

Story 9. Theme, 7/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 9-----------------16
Crit. Good description and claustrophobic feel, good but not unexpected
ending. WP complains about semicolon in first sentence.

Story 10. Theme, 8/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 9----------------17
Crit. There’s always one isn’t there, well conveyed. The last f/s
outside
quote.

Story 11. Theme, 7/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 10-----------------17
Crit. Good language and a sense of desperation. Wasn’t sure what ‘it’
was
exactly but that worked in its favour giving a mysterious feel.

Story 12. Theme, 8/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 10------------18
Crit. Good ‘just one more theme.’ Lovely use of language; loved ‘eyes
like
sun on silk.’
And the end got a laugh.

Story 13. Theme, 7/ Grammar Spelling Punctuation 10------------17
Crit. Nicely set up and a good feel for the great escape. The ending
was
amusing too.
xxxxxxxx
Two. John’s Secret------------------------------6
Crit: dialogue doesn’t tell us anything about the characters and the ‘punchline’ is a little weak.
Missing apostrophe in line 2.
Story: 2
Grammar 4
Three. The Tunnel ----------------------------------6
Crit: Self-reverential in a rather pointless way.
Story: 2
Grammar: 4
Four. The tunnel-------------------------------------6.5
Crit: Reasonable, if unoriginal. Let down by dodgy grammar.
Story: 3.5
Grammar: 3
Five. Clipped Wings---------------------------------7.5
Crit: moody, well told.
S: 3.5
G: 4
Six. Almost a Silhouette -------------------------------8
Crit: dreamy, almost poetic.
S: 4
G: 4
Seven. Almost a Silhouette-----------------------------7.5
C: Well written but didn’t float my boat – didn’t go
anywhere.
S: 3
G: 4.5
Eight. The Tunnel----------------------------------6.5
C: incorrect use of ‘you’re’ in last sentence, otherwise not bad. “Icy swirls of fear splintered”, especially good
S: 3.5
G: 3
Nine. The Tunnel------------------------8
C: nice descriptions put you in the tunnel, especially ‘cocoon of grit’.
S: 3.5
G:4.5
Ten. Clipped Wings------------------------7.5
C: Nice idea, if a little clichéd.
S: 3
G: 4.5
Eleven. John's secret-------------------7.5
C: Confused and mysterious, but I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not.
S: 3
G: 4.5
Twelve. John's Secret:-----------------------------8.5
C: ‘wasted luxury’ would make a great flash, superb phrase. Nice little surprise at the end too.
S: 4
G: 4.5
Thirteen.The Tunnel--------------------------7.5
C: I wonder if one of them volunteered to stay back and hold up all the dummies at roll call next day? Kinda funny on first read, but ultimately uninspiring.
S: 3
G: 4.5
xxxxxx
Story 1. Theme 8/Grammar 9---------------------17
Crit: Original amusing idea, good realistic dialogue. '?' missing at end.
Story 2. Theme 8/Grammar 7---------------------15
Crit: Good one, nice twist and dialogue. A few apostrophes missing, wrong 'too' in last line.
Story 3. Theme 7/Grammar 9-----------------16
Crit: Not sure what kind of tunnel - block or tunnel syndrome, but works both ways.
Story 4. Theme 9/Grammar 9---------------------18
Crit: A touching story which worked well when the twist was revealed. Quotation mark missing at end?
Story 5. Theme 8/Grammar 10-----------------------18
Crit: An original story but requires knowledge of background (?) Good punctuation.
Story 6. Theme 8/Grammar 10-----------------18
Crit: Romantic setting, and good description, but unclear who has gone
and in what sense. All clear for them perhaps? Good punctuation.
Story 7. Theme 7/Grammar 10--------------------17
Crit: Atmospheric, but unsure what it's about really. Good description and punctuation.
Story 8. Theme 8/Grammar 8-----------------------18
Crit: Tension is well generated with good description and a good surprise. Wrong 'you're' in last line.
Story 9. Theme 8/Grammar 10-----------------------18
Crit: Good description again, but twist seems flat somehow - how do they know whose light it is? Good punctuation.
Story 10. Theme 8/Grammar 10---------------------18
Crit: Good use of the title, simple and low key story. Good punctuation.
Story 11. Theme 9/Grammar 10--------------------------19
Crit: A difficult subject well handled. Strong and painful. Good punctuation.
Story 12. Theme 9/Grammar 10----------------------------19
Crit: Mysterious and intriguing poetic description. Good punctuation.

xxxxx

Story 1. Theme, 8/Grammar, 8-----------------16
The things us women have to do.Liked this little scene, very amusing.
Story 2. Theme, 7/ Grammar, 9-----------------16
Great scene, but I wanted to know what the reaction was.I felt it ended a little flat.
Story 3. Theme, 7 /Grammar, 9------------------------16
This was a good idea, I could almost feel the struggle with pain.
Story 4 . Theme, 6/Grammar, 6----------12
Good idea, but I thought that near death experiences you were drawn toward the light
Not walk toward the dark.
Story 5. Theme, 10/grammar, 10------------------20
Fantastic story, it blew me away.loved ‘feathers fell as soft as thoughts’
Story 6. Theme, 9/ grammar 10------------------------19
Beautiful. That’s all I have to say.

Story 7. Theme, 8/ Grammar 9-----------------17
Very mysterious. lovely imagery. Don’t know why but to me it had an almost gothic feel to it.
Story 9 Theme, 6/ grammar 8-------------------------------14
It was a good enough story, but it just didn’t grab my attention. I think it wasn’t original enough for my tastes.
Story 10 Theme 7/ grammar 9-------------------------------16
Don’t you just hate people like that. Liked this.

Story 11 Theme 8/ grammar 10-------------------------18
Liked this a lot. Had some good imagery.

Story 12 Theme 7/ grammar 8----------------------15
Good story, but got confused, you want to confess to her, but ask for the fathers forgiveness at the end.
Story 13 Theme 7/ grammar 9-----------------------------16
Like the twist at the end, setting the mink free.

xxxx

Story 1
Theme 6 Grammar 10-----------------------------------------------------------16
A taboo subject tackled candidly and humorously.

Story 2
Theme 8 Grammar 7-----------------------------------------------------------------15
A captivating story, with a good twist in the tail.

Story 3
Theme 6 Grammar 8-------------------------------------------------------------------14
A sinister start which grabs attention. A wry ending.

Story 4
Theme 9 Grammar 6---------------------------------------------------------------15
A brilliant little 60 worder. Immediately grabbed the attention and held it to the
dramatic end. Excellent.

Story 5
Theme 9 Grammar 9----------------------------------------------------------------18
Colourful imagery and sharp descriptions. ‘feathers fell as soft as thoughts’, was inspired.
Excellent.


Story 7
Theme 8 Grammar 7---------------------------------------------------------------------15
Atmospheric and intriguing, although in last line, not sure if referring to the ‘coach’ or the ‘moon’.

Story 8
Theme 8 Grammar 6-----------------------------------------------------------------14
Very good build up. Surprise ending. Particularly liked ‘swirls of fear splintered….’

Story 9
Theme 7 Grammar 8--------------------------------------------------------------------15
A feeling of desperation skilfully conveyed and carried through to a clever ending.

Story 10
Theme 8 Grammar 8------------------------------------------------------------------16
A very appropriate use of the title. A wry tale well told.

Story 11
Theme 7 Grammar 9-----------------------------------------------------------------16
A desperate confession falling on deaf ears. Compelling, yet a little confusing as to what he means.

Story 12
Theme 8.5 Grammar 9--------------------------------------------------------17.5
Interesting and well written, although it wasn’t clear whether he was ‘confessing to ‘her’ or ‘father.’

Story 13
Theme 8 Grammar 9--------------------------------------------------------------------17
Captivating tale with a good twist at the end.

xxxx
*Story 1: Clipped Wings
Theme: 7 Grammar: 8------------15
Crit: Thought of this as an idea too. Quirky though.
*Story 2: John's Secret
Theme: 6 Grammar: 7------------13
Crit: Not enough bite to impress but good.
*Story 3: The Tunnel
Theme: 6 Grammar: 8---------14
Crit: Gave away idea in first sentence. Would like to have been
surprised.
*Story 4: The Tunnel---------15
Theme: 8 Grammar: 7
Crit: Interesting take and original.
*Story 5: Clipped Wings----------18
Theme: 9 Grammar: 9
Crit: Rich and poetic. Last line a bit flat though.
*Story 6: Almost a Silhouette---------------19
Theme: 10 Grammar: 9
Crit: Poignant, original and beautiful. Clever use.
*Story 7: Almost a Silhouette---------------------16
Theme: 8 Grammar: 8
Crit: Well-written but faded out a little.
*Story 8: The Tunnel------------------------15
Theme: 7 Grammar: 8
Crit: Two people used same 'tunnel' attempt so not as
original as
could've been.
*Story 9: The Tunnel
Theme: 8 Grammar: 10-------------------18
Crit: Good description & atmospheric.
*Story 10: Clipped Wings---------------16
Theme: 7 Grammar: 9
Crit: Interesting but didn't see the connection with title.
*Story 11:-------------------------------15
Theme: 6 Grammar: 9
Crit: Hard to know exactly what this was about.
*Story 13:
Theme: 9 Grammar: 10-----------------19
Crit: Well-written, original and great twist.

TOTALS

One.190.5

Two. 158

Three. 169.5

Four. 172.5

Five. 192

Six. 190.5

Seven. 173.5

Eight. 172.5

Nine. 173.5

Ten. 183.5

Eleven. 186.5

Twelve. 187

Thirteen. 177.5
------------------------------


AND THE WINNERS ARE
Five 192

One 190.5

Six 190.5

Twelve 187

AND THE WRITERS ARE

1 Weaver =
2 Havago =
3 Bushkite =
4 Lyndabk =
5 Fatgardener =
6 MrsLooroll
7 Asmallnumberofmonkeys =
8 JazzyJ =
9 Kate =
10 Serin =
11 Enigmatic =
12 penjen
13 roy =


Congratulations to

Fatgardener
Weaver
MrsLooroll
and Penjen

Hey, let's go back to the old way huh!!!!!

spidey

The list, by the way, is the order of the stories. Not necessarily the order of the crits.

spidey

With my dodgy maths I've made a new list. As Weaver only used half of the scores he should've, I've doubled his scores and added the difference onto the stories. Weaver's score is the same, obviously. The results are as follows (I think):

2) 6 - 164
3) 6 - 175.5
4) 6.5 - 179
5) 7.5 - 200
6) 8 - 198.5
7) 7.5 - 181
8) 6.5 - 179
9) 8 - 181.5
10) 7.5 - 191
11) 7.5 - 194
12) 8.5 - 195.5
13) 7.5 - 185

Dear Enig and Spidey and Haveago,

I think Enig does have a point about scoring. Obviously if you score lower than average for everyone else then your own score is comparatively higher. Maybe next time Haveago wouldn't mind looking at scores before they are compiled, and if there is a marked difference in the way someone scores they could be raised in a fair way.

For example, if the average scores are between 6 and 8, and someone's average is between 3 and 6, maybe they could have 2 points added to each score.

Maybe it is too late for this round. The results would have been different - with Weaver not second after all. (But actually I thought his story was best of all)

Another idea would be for us to put all the stories in prefered order, from 20 down to 1 in true Eurovision style. It would be horrible for the number 1's - but we would know then that everyone would have the same scoring system.

Fats.

Fats,

It was the fact that he marked both areas out of 5 and not 10 as he should have, not that he gave relatively low scores.

Or we could vote for ourselves! That would even up the scoring system. Or give ourselves the average of our scores.

I know the scoring bit is only meant to be a bit of fun - but don't like to see Enig unhappy.

FG

Dear Enig,

have just seen your message. Many appologies to Weaver, I realise that.

Fats: you soppy so-and-so. Don't worry about me, I've aired my views and correct Weaver's error. It's done with and now we're returning to the old style anyway.

Thanks though.

No worries, Fats, you've cheered me up a bit.

I'll just go and dig a hole for myself before I tread on everyone's toes again!

Fats,

don't be silly, it was sweet of you. I realise I didn't really explain it properly anyway so no wonder you misunderstood.

Here, have some

Cycling into the sunset in my wellies...

How come I was really pleased to be called a 'soppy so and so'? I came over all smiley.

I guess it's just my charm... or lack thereof

Now eat the chocolate, enjoy your victory and cease your worrying

Just jumping in for a moment, I actually think Enig's "Euro style" scoring might be a good idea, or a variation of it. I would even confess to thinking along similar lines myself over the last week. What does anyone else think?

BK

What Enig's Euro style? I'm confused lol. All I did was point out Weaver's error (he scored both areas out of 5 and not 10 as he should've) and I then doubled it to make it correct. That's all I did