h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Can I have a free car please Mr Cullen please?
Please please please please. I'll be extra special nice and stop telling people about how you licked the self sealing envelopes.
It is wet and rainy outside and I don't like it.

And by the way your bath is ready. We're all waiting patiently up here with our loofahs on a stick.

Pat kenny has a girls bum
a bum to blow your mind
the smoothest bum in dub-a-lin town
a bum you'd almost like to RI-IIIIII-DE

is the bath for washin in behind me ring a ding dong?
will we get a pizza???????????????????

and by the way-the whole envelopes thing has been blown out of all proportion-it didnt happen, RIGHT. i have intimate knowledge of how to work those self sealing envelopes

Yeah I know I've heard the rumours bout you and those envelopes. Well actually I started them. You feckin envophialiac pervert.
And your ring a ding dong would be your ..... knees?
I dunno bout pizza I'm still feeling quite sick.

i think you know what part of the body me ring a ding dong is. its like in america. they have different words for different things like-elavator instead of lift, hero instead of sandwich, sidewalk instead of path. and this one nearly had me banjaxed over there...........................a fanny is not we would regard as a fanny over here.....its somethin completely different........it refers to...... eh....the buttocks!!!!!!!merciful hour, janey mac.

OH NO! Did someone try to pinch your fanny?
Did they violate you bill? Did they make you feel all dirty with their paws all over your fanny?
Come over here and sit on auntie pandas knee and tell me all about it.

those american hussies. it all goes back to the good old days in the thirties in dublin where you were poor but you were happy. times were tough back then and the only good thing to come out of dublin was the mailboat to amerikay.i thought i'd a good chance of makin it over there, what with me althletic abilities and me boootiful girly boy legs with all the muscles. in short-everything was great in bills world.
new york was swingin back then and it didnt take long for old billy boy here to settle right in. i used me goo looks to hussle some frustrated oul ones who only went banannas for me muscley girly boy legs. so der i was busy as a little old be with this one particular oul one who was a daughter of one of those Rockerfella fellas!!
i asked her(bein a bright eyed and bushy tailed young fella and not knowin the little nuances between her and my world) would she like it if i l**cked her f**anny as was the fashion of the time. With that, and this is very embarrassin panda, she turfed me out. i left without me shirt.
even after all those years it brings a tear to me glass eye. if i had o played me cards right i could o been a multi millionaire like tony o reilly or michael smurfit. Or be a coke addict and do loads o brassers like ben dunne.
ahhh, the memories

Well bejaysus and begorra Bill ner a tale of such sorrow and woe did I ever hear.Reminds me of way back when, the days of yesteryear and yore, back in the day, the day that was when I was nowt but a cub kitten trying to make my way in the big bad land of leitrim. Well I tells ya it was hard to get a break as a young panda cat in place with no traffic lights! And of course being of mixed species meant I didn't really fit in anywhere. Shunned by the pandas, scorned by the cats I wandered the cruel cobbled streets until one day oh joy of joys I found one just like me! Of course it turned out it was my brother who was also my uncle, as was the fashion at the time, a fashion I might add that never really disappeared in the lovely land of leitrim. So we married and were accepted by the toothless country yokels and raised hundreds of cub kittens with wonderful webbed feet. A bee-hoo-tiful happy ending.

that's after warmin the cockles of me heart. are we all goin for a pint after work?those cockles need a coolin down

okey doke.