h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Following your timely insight into the fighting habits of the rat last week, I thought I'd repay the compliment and inform you of just what you can do with any left over goats you may have lying around.....:

GOAT JAM
Goat jam is manufactured from goats.....and jam.
Thus you get a goat and put it in a big vat of molten sugar, and some pectin for setting the jam. Thus you put the mixture in a jar and seal the jar.

USES
Goat jam can be spread on toast, bread and small mice.
Also it is particularly useful in the treatment of pubic lice if adminstered with a rubber spatula
It can be smeared on lampposts to increase brightness, and fermented goat jam can be used as a lubricant.

Excellent! You know, I've always wondered if one could make goat jam, and how exactly one would go about it, I thought if I said it out loud though, they might think I was insane again, and I don't like it when they put me in that room...

So cheers big ears, my bearded fried Billy will be going for a little swim in a little pool I like to call the jam vat - excellent.

Glad you enjoyed the recipe, although I have to say that you're not limited to Goats here: you could use certainly any dairy animal and perhaps at a push some less conventional farm animals.
Imagine, if you will, Sheep Preserve; Duck Marmalade and Heiffer Confit.

For these the formula is pretty much the same, but remember that the cooking time is indirectly proportional to the size of your animal. Hence a Heiffer will cook in a third of the time of a small rooster!

You got any decent recipes?