h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

> >>DIARY OF A MAN
>
> >>Dear Diary,
> >>
> >>I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women
> >>differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars
> >>thing. And,
> >>I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with
> >>their
> >>heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets
> >>thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".
> >>
> >>One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.Well, the
> >>passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
> it, I
> >>
> >>just
> >>want you to hold me". I said "WHAT??????"
> >>
> >>So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads..
> She
> >>explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
> >>
> >>I'm thinking "What was her first clue?". I finally realize that nothing
> >>was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
> >>
> >>The very next day, we went shopping at a big, department store..... I
> >>walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive
> >>outfits.
> >>She could not decide which one to take so I told her to take all three
> of
> >>them.
> >>
> >>She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to
> >>which I say ok.
> >>
> >>And then we go to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond
> >>earrings. Let me tell you........ she was so excited. She must have
> >>thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she
> >>cared.
> >>
> >>I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because
> >>she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I
> told
> >>her
> >>that it was ok.
> >>
> >>She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have
> seen
> >>her face when she said "I'm ready to go to the cash register". I could
> >>hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey I don't feel like
> >>buying all this stuff now."
> >>
> >>You should have seen her face......it went completely blank. I then said
> >>"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while". And just
> >>when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must
> >>not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man".
> >>
> >>I figure that I won't be having sex again until after the spring of
> 2008.
>

Ha. Bloody. Ha.