Journal Entries
an email to jammers
Posted Oct 16, 2003
jam,
hello. i hope you are doing well lately. i just got back from my second broomball game where i felt alienated from everyone, don't know why. i'm just not like the people on my team. i don't really know who i'm like. i feel so lost here not having anyone to hug. just a stupid little thing it seems, but it is so important. i hug lizzy, but it is just such a lizzy hug--not really it all, just the outside. well, i guess that is not true, there is amanda, she is great, but i hardly see her. my mom drove me back here from home last weekend and she kept telling me about all the schools around cleveland that she would be thrilled if i went to. but then my dad said, when i decided to come here and after saying that i may try a few different schools, that i should stick to one. but i am feeling very lonely. i know that i have molly and i do have friends, but i have such a set schedule with them, monday--lizzy and amanda for dinner, molly for the gym. tuesday--see lizzy in tae kwon do and go to ping (the gym) with molly. wednesday--etc... i just want someone to hang out with on the spur of the moment or just actually hang out with--nothing to do but just sit there in the company of the other. or hell, even go on a road trip with. i am having a great year, and i know i say this all the time, but it would be a lot easier for me (to want to stay here) if i had a boyfriend! someone to hold me to this place. lizzy no longer has time to keep me in line about staying here (saying "no! don't leave me!" and such). i have friends, i have ties, but i just want someone for myself. i'm not making any sense. i was playing broomball and emily (the team captain) had her "sort of boyfriend" there and i was just thinking about how nice it would be for me to have someone there to support me and to just watch me and think "i'm so lucky!". that is all i want. and perhaps for him to walk me home at the end and rub my feet (but that isn't completely necessary). i saw tom again on friday and then yesterday and today. it's all very strange. i am beginning to think i have seen him before, hell maybe i've seen him every day of my life and i haven't noticed. i mentioned this to him today and he said "well, it must be fate then!" but i wish it was coming out of someone else's mouth. i don't know what i want, i just want to feel happy and pretty (in the eyes of a guy who is gaa-gaa over me) and wanted.
sorry this is such a bumming email. don't know where it came from. it just sort of came out like this. i'm feeling too sorry for myself--i must look on bright side. i wish i was on the bright side right now. but as it were i am going to bed. perhaps i will meet a handsome prince in my dreams. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
christy
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Latest reply: Oct 16, 2003
I have ESP.
Posted Oct 14, 2003
I was walking to class and I thought I heard a bike behind me, only there was only a person walking. Then I started thinking about how great it was that I hadn't seen Peter (you probably remember him—the annoying guy in English class) all year! It was the greatest thought. The reason I thought about him was that I thought it could be him on the bike. And then I went to class and to lunch only to find that no one was there that I knew. So I sat down and started to eat. I had to sit at a different table because one person was at the normal table (I thought he could be part of the group but I didn't want to look and feel the fool if he wasn’t—and it turned out that I didn’t know him, so it was all for the better)...so I was eating when this guy got up and someone else sat down. strange thing is that I think the guy that sat down is a North Olmsted person--mom has been telling me about these twins that go to OU that are education majors (mom met their mom at work) and I just recently found out he (the guy sitting there) was a twin…and I wanted to say "hi, do you live in North Olmsted?" but I didn't. I was thinking that if I didn't, fate would be mad at me since it obviously wanted me to talk to this boy. But I laughed it off. Then I lost my opportunity as his brother and some of his friends showed up. So I was eating yummy yummy and I heard the familiar voice of Brian (this guy that I met last year who really enjoyed talking to Jammers, but the feeling wasn’t mutual—he’s kind of annoying and loud in an annoying way. But he is very nice, so I’m not mean or anything. Not that I pity him or anything, he is nice and I enjoy talking to him but I can only take so much of him, usually only if other people are there too.)! And he was saying "oh, hello" and then I heard another familiar voice--that of Peter! Buggers. Ok, so this was fate picking on me because I was happier earlier that day and then I didn't take the chance to meet someone new. And the funny thing was that today of all days (me being alone for one, and all the other things with fate and stuff) was the day that Peter met Brian. So I think I have ESP because I thought about Peter earlier today and then this happened. My brain was subconsciously telling me that I was going to see him!
ok, so after reading survivor, by chuck palahnuik, i have realized that esp is nothing but finding the patterns of life. peter is a pattern for me--the times i realize that i have been fortunate enough not to see him for a while i, of course, see him! pattern pattern, and i just realized what it was. hence the esp.
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Latest reply: Oct 14, 2003
goin home!
Posted Oct 10, 2003
yeah! i'm a going home for the weekend! yippie. won't be on again until monday in case anyone misses me
.
talk to you later!
Discuss this Journal entry [3]
Latest reply: Oct 10, 2003
peace corps
Posted Oct 8, 2003
ok, so i was thinking about joining up with the peace corps. the only problem is that it is run by the government! sucky gov. and well, they didn't say on the webpage how long you go over for. i don't want a 4 year thing. so there is a meeting next week thursday that i will attend that will hopefully answer all of my questions. but if anyone here knows anything about it i would love your input! i am an input crazy chick.
thanx
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Latest reply: Oct 8, 2003
today, yesterday, some of each, la de da
Posted Oct 3, 2003
i had a chem exam and i got a 60% on it! i can't believe how poorly i did! the class did terribly, but he liked me and now i feel like i let him down. like i suck. but enough downbeat news. i played broomball yester-ma-day! ok, let me just tell you that it was one of the most fun things i've done in college. ok, so i'm running on the ice, in my tennis shoes, stick thingie in hand, after the ball to which a girl from the opposing team was hastily making towards. and in a fit of passion for the game i flung at the ball just as the other girl was making her move and i shot it past her, only to find that i was still moving forward, running into the other girl and falling down flat on my ass! we even ran into each other's heads! it was so great and fun and i fell down a lot, but i had a rick-frickin'-kick-ass-time! man that was good stuff. oh, i may go to the union on saturday for a dance party. that is, if someone will go with me. i really hope lizzy will come or amanda (me two best friends, i really should ask them). i asked my roomate, but she may be busy and i shouldn't count on it.
oh, by the way, we won the broomball game, something like 5-1! and i scored one of the goals! but my face quickly turned a crimson red and embarrassed me to no end. i am so sleepy though. my game was at 11:45 last night and i went to bed around 1:30, and my roomate came home with a boy at around 2:15, who stayed until about 2:45. all the while i'm laying in bed hearing murmers and being all together very sleepy indeed. but i am happy. and i have a roomate for next year--molly! we bonded yesterday and life is good. i think we shall get along famously--we are both sort of dorks (in the best respects of course). man i am sleepy! it is cold outside. i think it's time to whip out good old arm-bruster! my trusty scarf! man i have tae kwon do today and i'm sleepy, hopefully they won't work us to death again. oh, i saw my cousin! yippie. i talked to him and it was nice! i think he is a cool nerd! cooler than most--not a computer nerd, but a book wormy type nerd! the best kind. i like him, he is a very nice kid. so i was walking down the street yesterday and i decided to be happy because i'm me! i gotta go, do some homework, bring up me grade. i will talk to you later! no worries mate.
christy(what, were you expecting somebody famous? well, you got me, and that is as good as i can give you)
p.s. i am sleepy!
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Latest reply: Oct 3, 2003
christy
Researcher U238407
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