h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Florida Sailor

I'm sub-editing both of the articles, today I have completed Part I, this is the article which will go live: A87768418 and you should subscribe to it as that is where people will comment when it goes live.

If you'd like to read through what I have done, I will begin working on Part II. Post any queries, remarks here please


GB

Hi GB

I was glad to see you are subbing this for me.
I found three minor errors, at least two of my own doing.

in
Independent Businessman
>The years following the French and Indian War** saw **the relationship between the American colonies and the British Government became strained.

My fault the word saw should be dropped or "became" changed to "become" to maintain proper tense.

in
Court-martial
should that be >Courts-Martial with the s and capital M ??

>The whole affair was placed before Congress,** but** several of the congressmen were prejudiced against General Arnold and that would affect later events.

I don't believe the but belongs there. The congressmen became prejudiced against Arnold because his judgement was questioned before them, they were not prejudiced at the time.

in
Battle of Valcour Island

>Ships whose decks were littered with the dead and wounded, their hulls **morally*** shattered, continued to fight with their colours flying.

Morally should have been mortally - my mistake - they were not performing questionable acts

Thanks
FS

Hi FS, thanks for getting back to me (and the compliment!)

I am always wary of introducing errors so feedback is essential!

Let me list these minor points:

I have changed:

The years following the French and Indian War saw the relationship between the American colonies and the British Government became strained.
to
The years following the French and Indian War saw the relationship between the American colonies and the British Government become strained.



The whole affair was placed before Congress, but several of the congressmen were prejudiced against General Arnold and that would affect later events.
to
The whole affair was placed before Congress; several of the congressmen became prejudiced against General Arnold and that would affect later events. (do let me know if that's OK).



Ships whose decks were littered with the dead and wounded, their hulls morally shattered, continued to fight with their colours flying.
to
Ships whose decks were littered with the dead and wounded, their hulls mortally shattered, continued to fight with their colours flying.



I did change the Battle of Lake Champlain header to Battle of Valcour Island as I couldn't find the other, I hope that's OK as you do mention the Battle of Valcour Island in the following paragraph.
I also added some more headers which I hope you approve of.



It's strange when even reading slowly and carefully, your brain makes you think you have read a certain word with a missing letter, which gives a totally different word I did read morally and thought it said mortally however, I must tell you one slip-up I did find, you accidentally missed an "l" in one of the "fleet" mentions, so in the sentence it read: "Arnold deployed his feet behind Valcour Island, near the town of Plattsburgh, NY." () [it is still making me laugh now...]

I'll post this and tackle the that I discovered with the Court-martial thing next

Court-martial
should that be >Courts-Martial with the s and capital M ??

I had to do some research on this because I've noticed there's a quirk with the plural (courts-martial) and as I read it in your article it sounded like just the one, so I changed it to court-martial. If there were more than one court-martial then I'll change it back

As for the capital M, according to online dictionaries don't even capitalise the "c", and some say "court/s martial" without the hyphen. Phew!

In my own Collins Concise Dictionary (which I've had almost 40 years and would never part with) it says: court-martial (n) courts-martial (pl)

In times of desperation I turn to Wiki, (should be kinder but I have found some howlers there) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Court-martial which seems to agree with me. Here in the UK, I don't think the hyphen is even used anymore: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_Courts_of_the_United_Kingdom#Court_Martial

I am willing to go along with your preference though, and leave it up to the Eds (I have no say in their final polish) but I can mention that you prefer a certain term.

Thanks GB

Sorry for the

>I had to do some research on this because I've noticed there's a quirk with the plural (courts-martial) and as I read it in your article it sounded like just the one, so I changed it to court-martial. If there were more than one court-martial then I'll change it back

I think I was reading it as one by the Army and another by Congress, that may be stretching a point as Congress never really acted on it, other than perhaps to pass over Arnold on promotion.

>As for the capital M, according to online dictionaries don't even capitalise the "c", and some say "court/s martial" without the hyphen. Phew!

My only thought on capitalization is it is part of a title header. You are probably correct if it is a compound word.

>In my own Collins Concise Dictionary (which I've had almost 40 years and would never part with) it says: court-martial (n) courts-martial (pl)

I too treasure old reference books

FS

No problem, a makes for an interesting day

I gather we're all done with Part I then, so I'll return that (I have added a link bar and placed the correct code for Part II). Then someone can give it a final polish while I am subbing Part II.

*presses button*

Part II for you to subscribe to conversations: A87768409

<> the sentence doesn't make sense, and I don't know how to rephrase it without losing what you are trying to say. Can you suggest a way to improve it?

I've got a bit confused with the order of Arnold's promotion. After the first Battle of Saratoga, you say <> so I used the Major General title during the second battle, but then after that battle you say <> which I presume is the Major General.

In the section The Fate of Major John André, you don't mention that he was originally buried beneath the gallows but was exhumed in 1821 and his remains were shipped to England to be reburied at Westminster Abbey. Would you like me to add that info?

I don't think it's necessary to have the exact same intro in Part II as Part I, so I've removed it in Part II. The title says it is Part II, so I think <> is adequate for the intro.

I'm all subbed now, just awaiting your responses to the above queries.

><> the sentence doesn't make sense, and I don't know how to rephrase it without losing what you are trying to say. Can you suggest a way to improve it?

I am working on the Conclusion and will probably offer a re-write with a few clearer thoughts, hopefully by morning

****

>I've got a bit confused with the order of Arnold's promotion...

>Benedict Arnold was granted the seniority of rank he had so long requested. >> which I presume is the Major General.

Perhaps a footnote;

Arnold was granted the seniorityWhen officers of equal rank are assigned at the same place, the one in overall command is the one with the most time of service at that rank(Arnold had maintained that his seniority should have been counted from the time he was unjustly passed over). of rank...

****

>In the section The Fate of Major John André, you don't mention that he was originally buried beneath the gallows but was exhumed in 1821 and his remains were shipped to England to be reburied at Westminster Abbey. Would you like me to add that info?

As I was primarily writing about Arnold this didn't occur to me, it would be an excellent addition to the paragraph;

... martyred André as an honourable man who died for his country, and the disgraced Arnold as a vile traitor, contrary to what both men expected at the time.

I will leave the wording to you, unless you want me to suggest further.

Will try to get in another post after diner, but I wanted to get this much up now.

FS

Conclusion

The primary question about the Treason of Arnold is '"Why did he do it"? After over two centuries of debate the definitive answer will not be found here!
The simplest and most often given reason is that Arnold was so smitten by the charms of young Peggy Shippen that he gave up all he had spent his adult life fighting for to win her affection. If Peggy's frenetic reaction to Arnold's flight from West Point was not an award worthy performance of fiction, it alone dispels this theory.

There is no doubt that many of the prominent citizens of Philadelphia, with allegiance to the King, urged Arnold to denounce his support for the American Revolution. Many letters and notes to this effect remain in Arnold's published papers.



The United States government was controlled by a congress that consisted of delegates from the various states. Much time was spent bickering over seemingly trivial matters while the army was in the field without proper supplies and adequate food. The Articles of Confederation were not adapted until 1781 by all the States, and it was found so inadequate that it was replaced by the Constitution by 1789.



It is a possibility that Arnold looked at his own retarded advancement in rank, the promotion of men he saw as incompetent and the poor judgement of congress as the doom of the Revolution.

If Arnold truly believed that victory was impossible and that any future lives lost would be for a lost cause then
Arnold's most patriotic move might well have been to end the conflict without the loss of more American lives.


No matter how noble or sincere Arnold's motives might have been, the end of hostilities in the American's favour so soon after his betrayal could not be overlooked.

Thanks very much for all that!

I have incorporated everything including the addition to Major Andre. I probably would have just footnoted his later removal to England except for you had the section "The fate of..." which does inspire the reader to seek out more info (it certainly sent me flying to the Army archives). I had never heard of this man before and believe me, the Royal Family don't send such requests lightly. It's the highest honour our country can bestow upon a deceased person, to have their remains reburied in Westminster Abbey.

I have switched the conclusion around, but the code isn't used in the Edited Guide, so I have bullet-pointed it to comply with House Style. Do say if you don't like it as it is because I can always remove the tags and leave the points as short paragraphs.

I also thought of putting your paragraph:

<> as the final one, because it is such a powerful sentence. I suspect you feel that way about him? (no matter, it's just a guess).

If you don't like where I've moved it then just say and I will put it back where it was in your original text. My job is to improve your article, but I am always sensitive to the wishes of the author.

Thanks for writing this, I found it fascinating and still it leaves unanswered questions, which is great as there's always speculation and healthy arguments to be had over this topic.

I'll let you read the whole Part II through at your leisure, I have a busy day so probably won't be back online until tomorrow. I won't send it back to the Eds until I get your OK.



GB

One line I uploaded last night could be improved;


>If Arnold truly believed that victory was impossible and that any future lives lost would be for a lost cause then
Arnold's most patriotic move might well have been to end the conflict without the loss of more American lives.<

to avoid the lost - lost we could say;

If Arnold truly believed that victory was impossible and that any future lives lost would be wasted for a hopeless cause, then Arnold's most patriotic move might well have been to end the conflict without the loss of more American lives.

Did another re-read,

>Battles of Saratoga

On the morning of 19 September, 1777, the two armies clashed at Freeman's Farm near Saratoga, New York. General Gates commanded the army's right wing and Arnold the left. Arnold sent two of his units forward early in the battle. The British tried to turn his flank1 but Arnold managed to swing his troops around and defend(ed) his position.

>Life in Exile

The Virginia Governor offered a reward of 5,000 guineas6 for the capture or death of Arnold.

I would rather see the link in the body of the text as many may not study the footnotes. A great link I earned alot that I have wondered about from it.

Everything else looks good. You may press the button when ready.

Why don't we have a BUTTON smiley?

Ms Editor

FS

I did not comment on your question;

>I also thought of putting your paragraph:

<> as the final one, because it is such a powerful sentence. I suspect you feel that way about him? (no matter, it's just a guess).

I agree this is an excellent closing statement. It is actually a line that is reported to have been said by people who knew him at the time, I do not disagree.

On a personal note the two thoughts I introduce on my own, although I am sure others have shared the same conclusions, I just haven't found them yet are;

Arnold missed the unity that was formed at Valley Forge.

and

Arnold may have truly believed the Revolution was a lost cause.

Thanks again for a job well-done!


FS

for so many additions. but it just occurred to me that;

the Royal Family don't send such requests lightly. It's the highest honour our country can bestow upon a deceased person, to have their remains reburied in Westminster Abbey.

Would make an excellent footnote to your re-enturnment sentence, I would like to see this added,
perhaps substituting "our country" replaced with "the British government"

done now for sure.

Thanks
FS

There is absolutely no rush, and I don't mind tweaking things, honest!

<> I have footnoted that but also added another sentence, see if you approve though, before I send it back?

I've done the other tweaks

Just for your amusement, the reverse is also true. Anyone who (subsequently) earns the displeasure of supporters of the Royal Family can be dug up and reburied outside. This happened to Oliver Cromwell, (I will spare you the gory details).

Looks good

You may fire when ready.



FS