h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now I come to think about it, I think I was given a sample of that at my local health food shop. It was delicious. I asked them for their recipe and promptly lost it. It had some sort of pulses in it instead of the tofu.

What in the heck is a bonito?

well, I'm allergic to fish, so I can't eat the stuff at all. But I think it's a kind of tuna. It's big, I can tell you that.

Giant tuna? There's a scary thought.

The tins must be enormous.

I've had a camembert in my fridge for a week now, and haven't found a single bloomin' person to help me eat it . I can't eat a whole one on my own. Do you happen to know if they can be kept after they've been melted?

I doubt it. Maybe you should eat it cold and then secure your co-eater before you get one to melt.

That could take months . Besides, I've also got a load of brie in my fridge, awaiting the availability of vanilla ice cream. I hope you realise I hold you fully responsible for this state of affairs.

May your knees crack like gunshots when you walk.

I learnt to bandage them years ago.

Well, I had the camembert for lunch today. Melted, with toast fingers, as recommended.

The ammonia used to bleach the packaging was released by the heat, so it didn't smell appetising; but the creamy cheese inside was lovely . It tasted as though it needed a herb, though... fresh parsley, perhaps. More experimentation is needed--but I won't be eating it every day of the week.

mmm. tasty. Swelter has it for breakfast.

Thank you for tainting all of my future experiences of toast and camembert.

What did I ever do to you? I've had nothing but your best interests at heart and this is how you repay me.

It's hard to encourage other people to the same levels of self-hatred and despair as I. But I try, I try.