h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thanks for that!

"relations sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil
Or a matching pen and pencil..."

Although were it not for the fact that it's a virtual utensil, I'm sure it'd be extremely handy, what with its intriguing combination of bowl and tines.

I'd have given you a runcible spoon, but this was the closest thing I could find. (You see? I did actually put some thought into the gift. Not a nut in sight--chocolate-covered or otherwise .)

It's a sympathy gift, actually: the sort of thing one provides to runners-up so they won't feel left out. In this case, it's because Houellebecq has no interest in your misery, and he never will: he has *important* things to mope about. If he were to share his suffering with you, well, everyone would want some.

It's time you faced up to the fact that he will never reply to your letter.

(Perhaps Georg Trakl would be a better bet. Oh no, wait a minute: he's dead.)

I never thought that a runcible spoon was a real thing. But it turns out that it is. Marvellous. Although in my mind spoons are given to the worst losers, rather than the runners-up. Which is fine. Thanks.

I think coriander is more of a couscous thing than basil is (although fresh basil is great with couscous). But the pesto was a bit underwhelming, flavour-wise. I used almonds instead of pine nuts or cashews; perhaps they don't have a strong enough flavour.

I had cheese on toast for breakfast today, and you came to mind.

I like to have Red Leicester on white bread, grilled with slices of tomato and ground black pepper. Lately, this delicacy has been somehow lacking. I feel there is more that can be done to improve the flavour of this simple dish. Can you recommend a suitable condiment (besides apple juice)? Or perhaps, a more interesting cheese?

Lots of people rate Lea & Perrins, although my recipe of choice is mature cheddar and black pepper. Or tomatoes with plenty of salt and black pepper toasted on bread. Or mushrooms fried in butter, with or without cheese on top. Or cheese and smoked ham. Or smoked cheese and smoked ham. I don't think you can get much better than mature cheddar, toasted until it's just going brown. Obviously, the better the cheddar the better the dish. Something like Gruyere could work, though, I suppose.

Alternatively, get a whole camembert, take it out of its paper, put it back in its box, and bake it in the oven until it's melted through to the middle, then dip toast soldiers in it. Thank you, Nigel Slater.

Is that enough ideas for you? :~)

The smoked ham idea is almost enough to induce me to overcome vegetarianism. But some of my dearest friends have been pigs.

The camembert idea, though... I'll definitely try that one. Thank you.

Well, you can still melt your cheese over fried mushrooms. Chestnut, by preference / income.

Don't the fried mushrooms make the toast kind of soggy?

Well, if you cook them until they're properly reduced, then not particularly. But that does rather rest on the assumption that you like your mushrooms very black and not at all al dente, like fried slugs.

And do the toast quite dark, too.

So basically, you're telling me that the best way to cook my food is to burn it all.

You don't know how much of a relief that news is to me.

That seems like a grotesque simplification.









But yes, I am.

I've bought myself a camembert . Now I just have to find someone to help me melt it and eat it; which is proving a lot more difficult than expected.

I asked a couple of my neighbours, but they were politely noncommittal. It seems they prefer melted brie with vanilla ice cream. Have you come across that combination before?

Surely that is the domain of the pregnant.

He didn't *look* very pregnant, but looks can be deceiving. I intend to try the dish, though, so I'll let you know if I experience any hormonal changes.

I still haven't found anyone who likes camembert . On the other hand, the burnt-slug mushrooms on burnt toast went down very nicely this lunchtime . A cup of coffee seems to be a natural accompaniment.

Thanks for making my dietary life more interesting.

Always a pleasure, never a chore.

I ate out twice today. It was my birthday. So that made it OK. But for breakfast I made miso soup; properly, with kombu stock and wakame. Now there's something to make your dietary life more interesting.

eat just sweeties

Happy birthday! Please accept a gift from the lofty crags of my homeland:

Do you mean you ate seaweed for breakfast? Isn't that what wakame is? I must say the sweety suggestion sounds more appetising....

Yes, indeed. Kombu is kelp - you soak and boil that for a bit to make the stock, then (in theory, but I don't eat fish) add bonito flakes. Then for the soup itself, miso paste goes into the stock, and wakame (which is much lighter in flavour and thickness than the kombu), and thinly sliced spring onions. And little cubes of tofu, if you like. It's a Japanese breakfast classic. What's more, in a survey of 250,000 Japanese people a few years ago, it was found that those who ate no miso had a 50% higher incidence of stomach cancer than those who had it for breakfast every day. It's tasty!