h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Has anyone noticed that in the English (sane) dictionary, there is no word that rhymes with purple. Go on, just think. Purple... murple... furple... burple... See? Not a single word. Therefore, to make poets' lives much easier (and for the song roses are red violets are purple, because we know they're really purple, and not a tad blue at all) we should begin campaigning for the right to use the word "Jurple" without being looked at in a strange way, and without people to start shuffling away from us slowly.

To do this I propose we execute the following prime minister. No, wait. Plan. Yes, plan...

We knock over every clock in our places of work, so therefore no-one can tell the time. This will cause mass panic until someone puts the clock the right way up. And then we'll knock it over again. Hee Hee!

Also, we will wear canary-yellow jumpers to Scottish folk festivals in order to be run over by the winged Elephants there.

That'll show 'em!

Now, once we've got the word "Jurple" we'll need a definition, something short and sweet so that the people at Oxford's English Dictionary can have a wonderful time making the definition long and filled with waffle like they always do with simple words (because I'm kind to boring people, they are like those who need aid, for they are in aid of a sense of humour). I mean, have you even tried to look up the word "It"? It takes up about a page! A Page! For two letters! I suggest the definition be the smell that you get when you sniff at a wet cat (I don't however suggest doing this to other people's cats, or in fact, in public).

I am also participating in the following campains:

The campaign for the "Booweeoohweeooh™ smiley"

and,

The campaign for for the BubbleFish™ Gadget

OOOoooOO...OOOooooOOooo

*Note: The above is written in Bubblish™, the official language translated by a BubbleFish™ Gadget. The above probably spells out two letters and therefore cannot be offensive (if indeed it manages to spell out 1 letter).

*Post Note Note: The symbol ™™ is a registered trademark™ of ™ Industries™. Any reproduction™ of the symbol ™™ will result in a massive lump fine, and several lumps to the head.

Also Booweeoohweeooh™ is a registered trademark of The Lemon Teastrainer andany unauthorised usage will result in the user being hung, drawn and quartered.

*Post Post Note Note: The word reproduction™ is a registered trademark of Nature Corporations™. Any use of reproduction without permission will result in a heavy fine and a jail period of at least 3 months.

Okay... (looks at monitor in strange way and starts to shuffle away slowly, but surely, into a room where he can get away from the computer [and possibly get a hot drink]).

Don't shuffle away! When people start shuffling away from me I get mad, and when I get mad I hurt people. Hey! Stop shuffling away!

Did you know that there are in fact two words in the English language that rhyme with purple, those being hurple and curple. So ha.