h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sat.210603
19:45

Been out of bed nearly 8 hours and i think it is the worst day of my life.Maybe it is just because how i feeling.

So many questions in my head and no matter where i search i cant find any answers.There must be an answer somewhere but they well out of my reach.Well hidden.Maybe the answers are simply staring me in the face but because i dont like the answers i am refusing to believe that they are that simple to find.Who knows.

Today i have sat down and thought just where my life is heading and i simply dont know.I know what i want i just dont know if i will get it,or how to make sure i get it. For years i have done the right thing,always following my head,but there has to be a limit to what you can sacrifice just to appear to be doing the right thing.The right thing right now may be the worst thing in the future.But thats my life all along.Taking a risk.Taking a chance.Life is so much easier asleep.No worries,No problems. Dont worry about the future my mum always said but sooner or later ya have to. Yesterday is the past,tomorrow is the future and today is the present.Which is why they call it a gift. But who needs gifts like i have had today?
Not me,maybe i should have stayed asleep,and left the gift that was today unopened. But the day is almost over and as i sit here thinking the worst is over,it cant get any worse, i know deep down that it can.

Mon.230603
12:45

And it did. I said it could get worse and the worse thing that could have happened did.Which is why i never posted anything here yesterday.Because I didnt know what to say.Its a strange feeling when you know what you want,you know where it is but it is always going to be out of reach. Yesterday was a very strange day cause although there was lots going on around me my head was only in one place. I had to make decisions yesterday about a decision that had been made for me. Was she worth waiting for? I already knew I loved her,wanted her and needed her,but sometimes that isnt enough and this was one of those times. Yes i could have walked away from it all,and came very close to doing that.But that would have been lying to myself and walking away from the one who means more to me than anyone else,with maybe one exception.But even thats very close. So i decided not to walk away.Remain "friends" but she will always be more than a friend to me,but maybe never as much as i want her to be. So maybe i am just going through the motions and emotions that go along with love,and maybe I am holding on for nothing.But the best things are worth waiting for.And she is the best.So for now,at least,The dream lives on.

Wed.250603
09:40

Cant get used to these early mornings.I been up ages,but then again i was in bad at half one which was the earliest for quite a while.
Dont know where babies get all the energy from.Its not very often i playing out in the garden at half eight but today i was.At least me dancing in the front garden gave the kids something to laugh at on thier way to school.

So what i got on for today.Simple answer would be not alot and i only writing this to pass a bit of time so i probably rambling on about nothing.At least if i look busy the baby doesnt want me to dance anymore.

Nothing has really changed since i last wrote here so there aint a great deal more to say apart from the feelings remain and probably always will.No matter what. Its just a case of finding things to do to stop thinking because life goes on and you either move along with it or get left behind.And once you get left behind it takes a very long time to catch up again.But love is a very strong emotion and it doesnt die that quickly.Even if you want it too.Trouble is I dont want it to.
So i will struggle and fight to survive,but i am keeping this love alive.
Uh oh..the music starting again. So i off to dance in the front garden to Gareth Gates.....
...Going up to the spirit in the sky...

Sat 280603
23:25

Well it been a while since i wrote in here and no i havent been dancing all this time.I have been recovering from both exhaustion and humiliation.

Still nothing changes,the feelings go on and the dreams and hopes still survive.It strange that when you love somebody you are prepared to cope with things that you normally wouldnt. I know alot of things but there is one thing i dont know.

I know just how to whisper, I know just how to cry. I know just when to search for answers and I know just when to lie. I know just when to fake it,I know just when to scheme. I know just when to face the truth and i know i want to live the dream. And i know i want to touch her,I know just what i choose. I know i want to hold her closely and never let her loose. But i know the dream is fading, And i know that times gonna fly. And i never gonna tell her everything i wanna tell her but i know i got to give it a try. And i know the road to riches, I know the road to fame. I know all the rules,I know i want to break them and i know the aim of the game. But i dont know how to lose her.And i will never let her fall. And i dont know how i did it. When i found love out of nothing at all.
But like everything else.Time will reveal And you can stop alot of things,But you cant stop time.