h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wednesday 4/6/03
18:30

Going for a bath now

THURSDAY 5/6/03
1:45am

Still lurking about at this time of morning. I think i need to get out more.

Wonder what today has got in store for me then when i wake up...if i ever go to bed. Probably more of th same.
Lots of spare time.Usually a good thing but it finding things to do instead of sitting and thinking.Cause sometimes even thinking is hard to do.

But maybe the day will have some surprises in store for me.Maybe...Just maybe.But then again i might win the lottery and thats a 14million to 1 chance!!

Wouldnt be so bad if i had anything planned but i aint so until i wake it will remain a surprise.But will it be worth waiting for.

Thursday 5/6/03
10:45pm

Well the day didnt have any surprises at all.Same routine and same problems. In fact spent alot of the day and was rudely awakened by a text message. But it was worth waking up to anyway.

Then spent the rest of the afternoon backing horses and trying to remain in profit with my bookie. I managed it just but if i keep picking the horses with three legs,the profit wont be there much longer.

Then it was playtime with the dwarf. She got enough energy for us both. Hide and seek inside upstairs with limited hiding places soon loses its appeal to me but not to her,and if she wants to play,i have no say in it.After more games of roly poly and dancing on our heads(dont ask) its bath time for me. A nice peaceful relaxing bath...not likely...not with the dwarf.

But peace was edging closer as it neared bedtime for her.And the day was so tiring for her she was asleep by 7:15.Now i had peace.

Not been on here today at all then until now. Probably be here for a while tho as i not got nothing to rush to bed for. It no fun going to bed alone so i stay here for a while.

My dad always said love is round the corner...he just never said how big the corner was or how many obstacles were in the way.It wouldnt matter how long the corner was i would walk round it,but some obstacles are very hard to get over,round or through and sometimes they impossible to break through.Which leaves just one alternative...turn around and go in a different direction.

What a choice.

Saturday 7/6/03
1:55am

Well another day over and still no surprises but i used to it now. Been an ok day really. Same routine as yesterday only this today was a good day on the horses.Made lots of money today.I probably blow it tomorrow..but it not the winning it the taking part.Yeah ok i lying..its the winning that matters.

The dwarf been a little today, doing everything she shouldnt and nothing she should.The terrible twos eh...Roll on next March then she be three.Just hope they dont get worse with age.But i dont think she could be any worse.

So the night was boring,just spent watching telly.The highlight was big brother when Justine got kicked out and it was obvious who the rest of housemates wanted to go. Fair play to Jon,he is like me, he doesnt give a what people think of him,he just carries on regardless.Hope he wins it..not that he needs the money tho.
So here i am again in the early hours wide awake and not interested in going to bed. I dont need to be asleep to dream,and part of everyones life is a dream.Nothing wrong with dreams tho.As they say in the song if you dont have a dream you cant have a dream come true.The trouble starts when you start living in a dream world refusing to face up to reality...but eventually ya have to.Preferably before that dream turns into a nightmare.

Saturday 7/6/03
11:45pm

Another day gone already.Funny how time seems to fly when you enjoying yourself and drags when you wish it would fly. A good day in all.Had the winner of the Derby before the big gamble on it started so i got 10/1 on it. I never gonna call Fallon again.He a jockey for those who dont know.
I all alone tonight.Babysitting but she been in bed since 8:00 and it been quiet since.
I done alot of thinking today and it been alot harder than anything else i have done today. And since i been here all alone in peace i done even more. I have realised today that some choices arent really choices and the solution is sometimes so obvious. Trouble is the answer to the problem is more upsetting than the problem.But i now know what i have to do and have took the first steps to doing it.We all have to do things we dont want to at sometime in life and this is one of them. Part of me is missing tonight, and its a part that i have to get used to being without i think.A part that could have made me complete,but in reality, was never gonna do that. Real life eh? It so much easier living in a dream world,which is why,i suppose,so many people go through thier lives with thier eyes closed. Until reality bites and they suddenly get a rude awakening. The dream may start to fade, but the memories never,ever will.

Sunday 8/6/03
7:55am

I seem to have this canny ability to everything up. And I think i have really up. I not been to bed i just done more and more thinking but no matter how much i think i still come up with the same answer.
We are all allowed dreams and we are allowed to wish for them dreams to come true arent we? What i tried to do was discard the dream,pretend it didnt exist and that was never going to be possible.And in trying to find an impossible way of doing it,i talked myself into that dream becoming the nightmare i had dreaded. Ok not having the dream was going to be hard,but not as hard as this is without anything.
When something has been a part of you for so long yoou become to depend on it and if you suddenly lose it,it hurts and it hurts bad. What have i done? I have been stupid.I have lost the dream that was so special. Whats the point in sleeping now.Cause even closing my eyes isnt going to fetch this dream back,never mind make it come true. But no matter how far the dream goes away from me, the memories are going nowhere. They are mine, and nobody can take them away from me.

Sunday 8/6/03
3:50pm

The day dragging along slowly as i waiting for something that might not come.And i never have been the patient kind.So i sitting here more in hope than expectancy. I know that part of me is missing..and like everything with a missing part..i not in fully working order.

Monday 9/6/03
11:10pm

What a difference a day makes.All the sorrows and doubts i had yesterday have vanished and today i was like a totally different person.No this isnt the beginning of a bout of schizophrenia, it is just a totally different feeling inside. Today has been a very good day.Nothing anybody said to me or did made me stop being happy.Why.Because i was smiling from the inside.The happiness was deep inside and pushing its way to the surface and noone could understand the difference. But I knew what the difference was. I knew why i was smiling and I knew that this is how i wanted to feel. No more doubts, No more regrets. Instead of looking backwards i am now looking forwards.Who knows what the road ahead has in store.But i no longer afraid of travelling up that road. In fact the journey began a long time ago.Yes there was a sudden stop.But now the journey has begun again.I know the final destination may never be reached but i am just so happy to be on the outskirts.So i intend to enjoy the journey now. No longer wondering if i was on the road to hell.Now i know for fact,as i thought all along, this is a highway to heaven.

Wednesday 11/6/03
12:30am

Not been on here alot today so this is first chance i had to update this.Not alot to say today apart from quite a boring day.The worst part of which was going shopping.God i hate that.But i not gonna winge on about it cause it just something that has to be done. I not even gonna write alot today cause i feel just the same as yesterday.So i gonna finish now cause i cant even be bothered typing really.I only up cause i not tired and i cant lie in bed when i not going to sleep.It makes me think,wonder and wish. And i do enough of that throughout the day.But it worth it. Always.

Wednesday 11/6/03
12:20pm

Bored!!!

Just passing a little time on here whilst i got the house to myself.Waiting for shopping to be delivered and bored out of my head.Been awake for ages but only just bothered to do anything.The sun red hot outside so i think i might go weed the garden.Isnt it wierd how weeds grow faster than flowers?? hhmmmmm.
May as well get it done while the dwarf not here tho cos she pulls all the flowers up as well. Oh well,I will go and get something done.

Tuesday 17/6/03
8:30am

What am i doing up at this time.Went to bed 5 hours ago got up 1 hour ago. The dwarf is happy enough though,but then again she would be she went to bed at 8pm last night.I wish i was a baby again.No worries.No cares.But I is who i is and life goes on.
So how am i today
Well the answer is probably ok as always.Deep in thought as always.
But i thinking about the same as usual.Wishing,hoping and thinking.
Oh well bring on the day...I cant feel any worse anyway!!

Chris.

Thursday 19/06/03
9:30am

Heaven is just a sin away,oh yes its just a sin away.
I cant wait another day,I think Im giving in.
Oh I wanna hold her tight,I wanna be with her tonight.
But that just dont make it right,cause shes in love with him.
Oh way down deep inside,I know that it is wrong.
But love is tempting me,and i never was that strong.
The devils got me now,oh yes he gone and got me now.
Cant fight him anyhow,I think he's gonna win.
Heavens just a sin away,oh yes it just a sin away.
Heaven help me when i say,I think I'm giving in.