Journal Entries
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LIQUID WARRIOR CRUSADE
Posted Sep 11, 2003
Remember "I" before "E" except in Budweiser. 
Yes Beer 
Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC. You've got to feel sorry for people who don't drink, that's the best they're going to feel all day.
Seriously when I read all about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
24 Hours in a day, 24 bottles of beer in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
When we drink we get drunk. When we get drunk we fall asleep. When we fall asleep we commit no sin. When we commit no sin we go to heaven. Sooooooo Let's all get drunk and go to heaven.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. To some it's a six pack, to others a support group, salvation is a can.Surely you all know the buffalo theory?
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Latest reply: Sep 11, 2003
LIQUID WARRIOR CRUSADE
Posted Sep 11, 2003
Just think, to wake up without a hangover, must be terrible. That's the best you're gonna feel all day.
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Sep 11, 2003
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT
Posted Aug 19, 2003
This film lasts 1 hour 20 minutes, in that it is one hour 20 minutes too long. 
It tells the story of three students who get lost in the woods, then spend an hour and 20 minutes whinge-ing about being lost in the woods. 
One of the people vanishes and the female finds something which could-or could not-come from his shirt. There is something on it which could-or could not-be blood.
. Finaly the remaining pair find a hut. The girl films the male doing something up against the wall, the screen then cuts to black with credits over. Quite frankly I felt as if I wasted an hour and 20 minutes of my life which I will never ever regain back. To think they even made a sequel!!!
Discuss this Journal entry [32]
Latest reply: Aug 19, 2003
Blair Witch Project
Posted Aug 14, 2003
Some-one has just loaned me a DVD on The Blair Witch Project. The film is one hour 20 minutes long, and in that is one hour twenty minutes too long. It is a film about three people who get lost in the woods, then spend an hour and twenty minutes whinge-ing about being lost in the woods. One of the two male characters disappears and the female finds a scrap of cloth which could or could not be from his shirt, with something which could or could not be blood on it. The two remaining characters find a deserted house. The female films the male doing something up against the wall of the hut. The screen cuts to black with credits over. Quite frankly I felt as if I'd wasted an hour and 20 minutes of my life, which I could never live again. To think they even tried to make a sequel! If ever you get the chance don't waste your time on this awful film. The spoof The Blair Thumb project was such an improvement.
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Latest reply: Aug 14, 2003
Home Life
Posted Jun 27, 2003
click click
Testing Testing. One. Two. Testing. Two. One
My page, huh? Waaayyyhhhaaayyy. They said keep it light and gay. Well I can certainly keep it light I thought I might start off by introducing some of my family and friends, so that you can get to know me. So here I am with a tape recorder, mic and headphones.
click click
Take that flipping recorder away, I'm trying to prepare a meal here. Did you get the milk on your way home? Oh yes, make yourself scarce this evening, I've the WI coming tonight. Go down the pub or something, now just get out of my kitchen. Put that cake back. It's not for you, it's for the girls.
click click
Oh go on mate, just a few words. Say something, anything. What do you mean, what's it worth? New Nikes? Have you done your homework? Well I suggest, young man, you put that X-Box away, march straight up to your room and do it right now. No more X-Box until it's done. Not fair? Nothing in this life's fair, you learn that.
click click
I hope you don't think you're going out dressed like that. Do we know this Darren? Well make sure you're home by 9. Oh yes you will, young lady, or I'll want to know the reason why. What? Your mother said what? Well, ok, if you're not back by 10 you'll be staying in for the next two nights. I have...well...that is...Your mother and I have made rules in this house and we'd all be best to obey them. Yeah well, that makes two of us that hate this house.
click click
No! No! Come on now, there's a nice doggie. Good doggie. Give me the windshield back, there's a good doggie. Just give me the damn thing! Oh Hell! They'll kill me back at the rental place when they see the state of this. Oh God! What am I going to do? It's just not flipping fair!
click click
Hang about mate, not just now. If I pot this black that's us in for the championships. Designated pocket top right. Go to it my son! Oh you little beauty! Champions! Champions! Losers! Losers!
click click
Yeah right then. That's 2 Worthingtons, 2 John Smiths, a Carlsbwerg and 2 Jack Daniels & Coke. I'm warning you, you'd better not get into the state you were in last night. Any more of that and I'm barring you. Don't use that recorder in here, my customers don't like it.You'd better pay up what you owe on your tab. The bill total stand at
click click
Well what do you want me to say? Anything? Well I'm a police sargeant in the armed tactical squad and I arrest people. What? Why not? Don't you want people to know you have friends on the force? Emarressed? I'll let them know that the next time you're in the police club for a pint then, shall I? Is that your car outside, I'll just get the motor division to have a look at
click click
Type up everything after my voice? Yes I've got that. I'm not stupid you know. What is it? An interview with a worm sexier in Outer Mongolia? Yes, I'm sure they'll find that very riverting. Er....You will pay me this time, won't you. Only the last time I typed something up for you
click click
Hell! I must have fallen asleep. I've erased everything at the end of the tape. Oh, he'll never notice, nobodies going to read this rubbish anyway. I'll just type up everyhting at the front
click click
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At this point it behoves me to inform you that the above never happened. It was a joke. The people do not exist and the dialogue was invented. I hope you found it amusing
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Jun 27, 2003
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A Liquid Warrior (vescere bracis meis)
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