h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Go here, vile wench.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/buffy/angel/gallery/boreanazevent/dbevent07.shtml

See what I can do!

Yours in excelsis and perpetuity

Fatty

Caller listening to Barry Manilow.

indeed. None of my callers have been doing anything interesting. Oh god, it's going to be busy after 8 o'clock. Oh how I do hate it when it's so busy.

Fatty

I hate this job.

I hate every person who has phoned directory enquiries.

I hate old rich people.

I hate young people who think they are funny.

I hate people who phone me from a noisy place then complain that they can't hear me.

I hate people who give me the wrong name then when I find the number, after herculean effort, complain about how long it took me.

I hate people who bitch about me to their friends (you're on a mobile, you moron, I can still hear you)

I hate people who can't understand what X-Directory means.

I love you.

You're so cute. I too hate all these people. I too love you. God, I'm bored, and I don't want Swansea to shut. Anyway, I just had a caller who sounds like that frog whos name escapes me on the Fimbles.

Fatty, who you.

I can't remember the frog's name either.

We could collaborate on a comprehensive list of DQ dos and donts.

What do you particularly hate?

Ooooh, loads of stuff. People who won't spell things; the supremely unhelpful; posh people with very little info, who make you read hundreds of listings, and then just hang up ; in fact, all people who don't say thank you. I understand when they don't have time cos I've just put themm through, but not out of ignorance. God I hate people not thanking me. People who think we're their phone operators. People asking me for early morning calls. People having one cos I can't credit them. Don't they understand that having one is so pointless, because that is the way the company works, and it will not change because an upper middle class man from Surrey thinks it should so that he won't get ripped off his 20p. Oh god, that man was infuriating. And stupid, because you rack up all these minutes. If they just accepted it, took the number and went, then imagine how nmuch less stressed they'd be. I don't know, some of these people must be so used to having everything their own way, and bullying people into capitulation, that they cannot accept a no. God, and it's such a petty thing to be such a git about. Partly, of course, it's because they think that you're stupid.

No, I could go on, but I'm going to stop now, because I'm starting to ramble incoherently, and discretely froth at the mouth.

Fatty

And what about people who simply will not listen. It's not so bad on business calls but dear god when someone wants a residential listing and is incapable of understanding that you just want the street it's infuriating. Why give me all the information in one go without pausing for breath, then when I nicely ask for the street they repeat the whole lot at top speed again. Why tell me the full name, street, area, town and county. That just makes it impossible to pick out the relevant bit of information. An I hate people who just repeat the name when you ask them to spell it. And people who start talking to their friends so you spent 30 seconds or more saying would you like to be connected and hello, very loudly, looking like an idiot, because they're not listening. People who say can I just go and get a pen, for crying out loud you know you're getting a number get a pen before you call me. Little old ladies who want to tell you their entire medical hisory, actually I quite like them but they take so loooong. People who let their children/husband/wife phone then standin the background relaying all the information themselves.

*grinding teeth*

People who say I phoned last week/yesterday etc and got the number then.

People who say 'can't you spell'

Everybody from leeds ever. Sorry, that's quite a specific one. Bad call.

apologising to the whole of leeds except for the stroppy (incapable of pronouncing the letter H) who just phoned me looking for the Oulton Hall Hotel.

Yes, you're not wrong, and the kids. Oh my god the kids. They're great actually, cos they all ask for the same things, and they think they're so funny. And the one's who sing. And speaking of which, I haven't had a, you know, dirty phone call for ages and ages. The last one was, I think, that guy who kept phoning up and asking what people were wearing, do you remember? One night he kept calling. Spoke to me a few times, and I think to p'raps Tanya and Chris as well. Did you get him? On a Tuesday, it was quite dead. We were with Andrew or maybe downstairs wit James, I don't recall. When we first started we used to get them quite regularly. I had a man who was doing naughty things once, and lots of impertinant questions from various people. but all ages ago. I wonder why? I must just have been unlucky to get so many. I'll probably get one now, after this. You do get some wierdos don't you. I think this will make a good subject for an entry, to be honest, as it's very funny. And there are a lot of different aspects to it. Isn't it funny when people call for saunas and strip clubs, and some of them are so jumpy, it's hilarious. Some people are quite happy, but some are very embarrased. I suppose some csrs don't like taking those calls. Doesn't bother me, though. We should give this some thought, and whip it into an entry.

Fatty

I didn't get the what-are-you-wearing guy but I remember you talking to him and telling exactly what you were wearing

We should post examples here for as long as we can think of them then bash it into an entry when we have enough material. Maybe see what patterns emerge for categories.

Yeah, that's quite a good idea. the trauma of call centre hell, I think it's a winner. What else is there, in broad terms. The uncooperative stupid, they're bad. That, you knoe, rudeness that some people have coupled with a complete lack of help, or even understanding what you're saying. They're awful calls. Stupid id fine, but rude and stupid makes me want to kill. What else. People who insist that you keep searching with the same information, even though you've already told them IT'S NOT THERE. Not people who aren't sure what they're looking for, because everyone needs help once in a while. And of course, businesses are easier to look for from a minimal starting point. And if people need info on, say, seals, you could always gie them a nearby zoo. You can find something that'll be able to help, to give them the info they need. But residential is so limited in what you can do, that if the info they've got does nothing, there's very little you can do. It does anger people somewhat. But, what can you do.

One problem is that I very much doubt wether everyone working in a call centre, in a customer services capacity,really puts an effort in. Everyone has had experiences of dealing with a terrible phone operator, who just doesn't seem to care. I think there are some people who phone up expecting bad service, and therefore has that 'tude more guaranteed than almost anything to get up a csrs nose. God damn them. I'm very good at my job, becasue it's easy and it takes but seconds to check a few different spellings, or a classified search. And I hate getting someone who expects me to be bad at it. We all have bad days, and cock up a call or two. We are, after all, just people. But a snotty caller, almost all of whom sound as though they are old enough and educated enough to know better, and they're so rude. It makes my brain crawl. You know what it's like to have someone talk to you like you're beneath them, and I think I'm taking a Masters, you self-satisfied, ignorant tralk. Most young people are fine, except any that fall into the stupid and rude category. The richer people are, the more desperate they are to be credited back their 20ps. Mostly people are nice, and you know employ the basics of politeness, which really do make the world run smoother. Oh well.

Fatty

Sorry to but in here, but...

I have worked on 2 IT desks (which almost count as call centres since people are calling in) and I had a wry smile of recognition on my face as I read through the various rants.

There is one type that I don't think you have listed there, the I know what your supposed to do since I worked there when Bell invented the phone type (to use your example, in my case it would be Babbage and computers)

Also having to deal with the "Do you know who I am" types is really irritating, the amount of types I wanted to shout shut the F*ck up down a phone at someone.

Then there is the "where's the power button" people who always phone at the end of a shift with a problem that should take less than 2 minutes but ends up at least 20 minutes. Nice people but very slooooow.

But I swear I have had the classic, "my coffee cup holder has broken on my PC" I thought it was a wind up, since it was my last day in that job.


I have to say though, you do get that "them and Us" type spirit in a call centre, mainly because no-one who calls in understands that they aren't talking to a machine.


See reading this got me ranting incoherently (no doubt helped by a bottle of cheap plonk)

Hope you are both well

KJ

Nice to see you, KJ. And may I just put in my best wishes here and say congratulations on your brand new Bethany.

Again, we're in work, so only brief from me. I'll try and post at greater length soon.

Fatty

I'm just glad we don't work on customer services. Some of the things people want credits for. You really do just want to swear at them and point out that they just spent half an hour trying to be credited for a 20p call when it was their fault they didn't get the number in the first place because they spelled the name wrong.

We're thinking of turning this into an entry. Not quite sure how to go about it though. The easiest way would be a list of dos and donts but that would make it difficult to include the more anecdotal stuff.

This really gives the impression that we hate our job. Well, sometimes we hate our job but not usually. It's indoor work with no heavy lifting. And it normally gives us pleanty of time to muck about on here.