h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I cannot imagine having someone else write it unless there were weeks of interviews.

I feel for the women who have lost their kids.
For all who cannot have them and most o all of those women who have been forced through one means or another to give up their chidren unwillingly. The 1950's had a lot of baby brokers and they never go away, there is always a need.

There were several stories here of homes that specialized in this. Many of the people are just now coming forward. Awful stories about babys being taken without the mothers knowing where or why or if the bablies lived.

Many mean spouses have done the same to their partners.

Orphans have been around as long as people.
In most cases the child stays within the family, it seems this way has slowed down. Unfortunately another area where drugs have affected so many families and people have become afraid of adopting children not knowing what they are getting into (history)All the news stories about violence and the court cases of abuse and by excuses of abuse for behavior (real and unreal).....
All have affected peoples attitudes here.

So did you like the story of Moses? The most famous orphan probably.
King Solomon and the baby story. When I was a kid and heard their stories i thought; OH ! I'm not so odd it has always happened!

Morning Abbi, well i forgot about Moses, how bad am i!!!
Reading your views on life in general is fasinating, to find someone whom feels the same as me. I wonder if these feelings are the same with most people of whom have been adopted.
My mum always said it was harder to adopt than it was to give birth herself, and i can quite believe it, she had to go to court to get me, and suffered a nervous breakdown because of it.
Now then what are your views on these? should there be an age limit to people whom want to adopt and what should it be?? In England i don't think you stand a chance if you are over 35!!! To me that is far to young and the limits should be adjusted to around 45, as many people are leaving it until later in life to have children and then if they can't have any its too late to adopt, which is sad as i now believe that older parents on the whole have more patience..although i did have mine at 20/23, because i didn't want to be an old parent. Although when i was younger most parents were young themselves too. Things are so different now.
Also do you feel it should be allowed to let Gay and Lesbians to adopt? Personally i don't, if the choice is to be one of those i think you are also making the deceision that having children just will not happen, but hey that my views. I think it is very important to have both a mother and father, but saying that how many marriages split up and children are brought up with single parents... and a fine job they do to, my sister being one of them now.
Speak soon Diane xxx

Oh pleeease who thinks of Moses in the course of a day?
It is just easy for me to remember what I thought back then.

The cutoff age here is too young also for the "ideal age" I see nothing wrong with 45. Especially if only one is neccesary under 45.
By the time the kids are 10 I believe in asking them what they whant to do when an offer is made.

I am all for anyone that is capable of loving a child to be able to have a chance to adopt. No problems with age or sexual preferences. People seem to forget there are older gay children that need to be adoptedMany grandparents have their children whether they expected it or not. It is better for a child have a person to trust than not. Some children are placed with single parents intentionally, they want and need the one on one.

Many divorced persons I have talked to found it's easier in some ways to raise a child on their own, providing they have the money and emotional supports. It is so dependant on the parents maturity and attitude. No arguements about how to do it.

Children often see more of their parents when they are split up! It is bad when it's hard for a kid to make friends because they are on the move so much between parents-families.

My Sister, was placed in a childrens home, she says it was the best years of her life!! And she is serious which in a way is quite sad really. She has become the best mum any child could ever wish for, they cme first and thats that, but it has cost her her 12 year marriage too!
I really hate having this hate inside me though, i am usually a kind of person that trys so hard to get on with so many, but i really can't forgive my incubater for what she has done to my sibblngs. The eldest is really screwed up, been inside on hard drugs and is still finding life very hard to cope with, He trusts nobody even including myself. I can forgive her for what she did to me as i was the first true mistake....well that i know about anyway like yourself will will ever get the truth...even from others. But to keep on making mistakes and wrecking her childrens lives like she did is beyond me and anybody else come to think of it. Have you ever had counseling i have but it was a waste of time and utter crap!!! I believe that to counsel anybody in our positions they have to have first hand experience to truly understand what it is like. All he kept on about was 'what if you were the result of a rape', now that must be the worst thing to find out i can understand but surrly that reason to adopt a child must be in the minority.

Diane xxx

I had a great therapists. There were 2 bad ones. I travelled a distance the second round returning to the one that worked. I did that in my 20's. I do not think I could have met my siblings or be prepared for what I did learn, if I had not. Many therapists have had these experiences. If they have worked through them they can be a wonderful help.

My siblings histories have been bumpy.
I had very strict parents so I did not get into much trouble. My parents were oppressive I left home at 17 and finished school without anyone knowing I was not at home. I was a bit wild till my mid twenties.I grew weary of it and my 1st hubby and left both behind. I've Never been sorry for the wild stuff or growing up and leaving all that behind.

Ha ha i am just entering my wild stage. I met my husband when i was 15, we saved for a mortage and bottom draw stuff, got married when i was 18 had ist child at 20 and 2nd at 23 now they are older and more independant, its my time yippee At this time i don't want to get weary of it, i am starting to enjoy my time with my husband having nice weekends away etc., of which we are doing next weekend. can't wait. Diane xxx

Good for you!
I am just about to leave for a long weekend

Three of my sisters gave up children in the course of their lives.
Two got them back. There are some wonderful parents amoung them and some not so successful. I am the only one out of 10 that has no children. One I do not know about.

It was a heartbreak for me. I have become very close to some nieces and nephews. I get better treatment than mom in some ways, simply because I am not Mom when they are teens I am not too shockable and want to be Auntie not Mom or friends. I like it!

You will not get weary of that sort of good time.
I just decided I was done one day and slammed the door! I do that ,no big parties or life dying tricks since. The exception is for life celebrations. Weddings anniversaries and such.

I like one on one or small groups, preferrably in nature

You will not get weary of that sort of good time.
I just decided I was done one day and slammed the door! I do that ,no big parties or life defying tricks since. The exception is for life celebrations. Weddings anniversaries and such.

I like one on one or small groups, preferrably in nature

Morning Abbi, well we are going out on bike today to see friends, so will be back on here later if i can.
The interesting thing you said was about the effects of being an Auntie, well i feel exactly the same, but with a twist. I have brothers and sisters that have children i think in total about 17 alhough i do not see all of them, my nieces and nephews are of varying ages, in fact i have 2 sisters (numbers 9, 10) that are younger than my own children....arghhhhh freaky My brother Shaun whom is off my fathers side is 5 years older than my son and he has 2 boys, now these 2 nephews of mine mean as much to me as my own children, i absoluty adore them, and my love for them runs so deep that when i leave i often cry all the way home. This does not happen with any of the other neices and nephews i have only them. The only thing i can put it down to is the fact that they are my first blood relatives that i have known from birth and pregnancy, so therefore i feel totally involved in their lives. I am due to be godmother next year...can't wait, as then i will really feel there is something legal that i have to say they are my flesh and blood.....this may sound strange but as i am adopted i carry and can't get any legal papers that prove that my dad is my dad, as on my original birth certificate i have my incubaters name as father not my dad, this was done to save face. We have wrote to the top with regards to getting his name taken off my birth certificate, in fact many letters including 1 from the incubater (addmitted that the wrong name was on there, perhaps the 3rd decent thing she has ever done for me 1st being telling me who my father was and the 2nd allowing me to be adopted) 2. from the ex husband of hers whom said he was not the father. 3. my father saying he is my father. 4. my mum and dad wishing i could have the right info on my original birth certificate. 5. from me a truly begging lettter. But nothing not a bean or sausage!!! All they will do is get the fathers name taken off but will not replace it with my dad!! We have even said we are prepared to have DNA to prove he is my dad but still no joy.
My name was also changed when adopted i was born with the name Trudy Margaret, but mum and dad changed it to Diane Rose.
How did your mum and dad take it when they found out you wanted to find your natural parents? Were they alive at the time? Sorry for being so nosey, but the boy i grew up with (My adopted brother|) never wishes to find his natural parents and actually feels left out now, but he has no reason to feel like this as i have never been any different to him ever, i have always been there for him...i mean i am at this moment looking after his house for over a year whilst he is teaching in the south Korea.
Hope you enjoy your weekend too and Diane xxx

My father introduced me to the first 4 just before he died. He asked if I wanted to re-meet some. I did. My mother was very disturbed about it.

Near the end of her life -25 years later she had more understanding for me wanting to be close to my sister-twinny. She was relieved when I did not want a relationship wih the incubator. The incubator died afew months before my Mom. I told her she'd died and said I feel no grief because she never did anything for me but give me up. My mom said she was thankful I was a live and for that she was grateful to her.

My brother (1/2 raised with)is not at all happy that I seek out the "other family" they are not family to him. Even though there is some blood. He finally met twinny when our Mom died but does not want to hear about her. He never asks about her. That makes me sad but I am glad they met and I can tell twinny how he feels and she understands and likes him as a person.

I do understand, how sad it must be as we have similar things here to. I do feel for my brother David (whom i grew up with although not related by blood), i feel he has some type of problem mentally......please please don't take me wrong here i love him but there is something wrong with his irrational thoughts as he is getting older and mum and dad have noticed too. He drinks quite heavy which i know can lead to a lose tongue, but the things he says and does are not 'normal', and i worry very much so that if there is something wrong either it could be hereditory, and he dooes not realise it himself, so it is a very delicate matter, one of which we dare not tread yet.For e.g When he decided to get his own home i helped out as much as i could as this was to be his first home. I helped and managed to get him a cooker, dryer, fridge, cooker and i have him my washer (which had a few good years left in it and worked
fine), he then rang me in the mid hours of the morning to say that the fridge didn't work, so we went up and there was nothing wrong with it, then came everything else.....all working ok but he says they don't! He is away now for perhaps over a year and i told him to switch off all the eletrics, he said he had done this, upon checking the house 3 weeks later, he had not only not turned off the eletrics but the fridge had left over food in it yuk! He brought a car once over here, (now remember we come from England) he didn't know the car needed an MOT or that he needed a T.V licence...he thought he could come under mums and she lives 40 miles away!!! General things that even my kids know about like car insurance, council tax, water rates etc etc he hadn't got a clue!! Now i could understand if he had always lived abroad but that is not the case. We are also talking of a very clever man here whom has been to uni and got degress etc., far clever than me. Before he left we feel out (although made up) he accussed me of having his name written out of my mum and dada will, which is rubbish, i don't know what is in the will, i don't care what is in the will, mum and dad can leave everything to him....all i want is my mum and dad for as long as i can!! I feel as he is getting older he is getting twisted and i don't know where to turn for help, if there is any. I mean what if there is problems with regards to his natural parents Abbi, what then, what if they had mental problems and that is why he was put up for adoption??? I want to help him but don't know what to do. Even mum and dad have said it must be in his genes!! So i am not on my own with my thoughts either. Hubby is concerned but also confused by his remarks and to tell you the honest it feels like we are also getting a holiday whilst he is out there and that sounds horrible.
You see adoption does cause its problems. Although for my mum and dad it cured theirs of not being able to raise a child.

Can you relate to any of this?

Lots of Diane xxx
p.s. am away from fri to sun going away on bike yippee.

Sounds like he needs some help

We have many in the incubators litter that have mental health problems. I am sure the incubator did too which accounts for the lack of rational thinking. Unfortunately there are prejudices against mental illness and adoption when the two mix it is very difficult however not unusual.

I have believed the incubator was very ill since early adulthood. Because it was never admitted - not helpful at all. It can continue to destroy others and is compounded by lies. Very sad.
I would have understood more sooner if I'd known of the mental illness factor.

I cannot tell you how I hate saying this; all have mental or physical problems -some both coming from the history and genetics.
I am sure it is no mistake.

Morning Abbi,

I have found that some of the sibblings off the incubaters side either have so much baggage that that screws them up or the fact that they carry some of her traights too that makes them seem either very naive or twisted. I have 2 sisters (numbers 6 and 7) that seem just like her, so therefore that is a plce i don't tread. Sister number 7 had an affair with my brother (number 5). This sounds really bad and at first i thought yuk, but it could have also happened to myself, as even though i don't feel phyiscally attracted to my brother off my fathers side...not Shaun!!! We have a deep understanding of each others thoughts....if you get my meaning. He said he wished he could marry a girl like me, as i have everything that he has every wished for in a woman, a nice thought but that is where it stops!!! Now if i had been either very lonely or foolish it could have gone further if i said yes, but i love him dearly as a brother, but i can unerstand how these things happen, as we have so much in common, the feelings can get mixed up too. I went for some counselling about it, the only counselling that was ever any good, and she said it is not un common that when you find your natural family, the feelings can be so intense that they get misread and affairs do happen. Frightening but true. Anyway i am going away till sun and i have to pack and get ready speak when we get back Diane xxx

You may want to save this for when you get back. No sense starting to think about more memories before your holiday, It can wait!
I will return.

Hmm... on my side number * 8F had a momentary thing with number 2 M and then her nephew of the same M branch. Very distirbing to hear. That F has many problems and boundary issues. Oddly and sadly she may be the result of #1 and # 3 mating.

It has happened to some because of the familiarity and attraction of unknown powerful origin. I am glad I did not have to deal with that one! I have thought that, I would have been attracted to a couple if I had not known they were relatives when we met.

The other most ill one met her father and it was denied by him (pervert) They got involved. That #5F has had a very violent and tortured life. She has reliquished children of her own and not tried to regain them. I feel so badly about her son. I have never met him but hear he is very sensitive dear person.

He is understandably shy about *his*(nephews) incubators family. Twinny has met him and he really appreciated the experience and her effort. Twinny was raised with that F#5 sister so knows her challenges well. She is to be feared. I would like to meet him too. We can fill him in alot on how he came to be abandon. He is about 35 now.

My brothers marked me (cut) to know that I am their sister - they were afraid we'd meet later, and not know and marry. It had happened on the last generation of the incubators family.

When we did met the boys asked to see my marks they put on me.
I remember the moment well. Unfortunately professionals have taken them to mean I have cut myself but that is not the case. I understand where they are coming from it can be common with in strange childhood events.

I even think I may understand the need to see pain in living color- instead of suffering silently in an invisible hell that no one knows and you feel could not understand. I can understand why some might need proof of the damage and deteriation or sadden spirit. I may be wrong but I imagine it to be from a similar place.

I did resent the fact I had told professionals the story and in at least 2 incidences they thought I was ill or just plain lying. They are obvious marks . It was not until I was my thirties that I learned about self abuse being common place for abused teens especially. It is sort of fascinating that such a common "solution-expression" of hidden pain exists amoungst humans. It is also not so uncommon to be marked for later ID by family members.

IN another form it is similar to what twinny and I did and that is to abused our bodies through work and play. We both loved helping people move and set up house. We are not especially large or strong looking in size. Most people never have enough help moving either, so plenty of work To have such a drive for physical activity like those whom get addicted to exercise. IT was work related and fun related but still we pushed our bodies unbelievably. Both of us did " physically demanding man labor type work" for a while and really enjoyed it! I tended to play heard with physical challenges. Mounatain hiking and weights and long distance walking and swiming et.

Being a workaholic or over-achiever is an approved addiction in US society. Mostly because others benefit! It is still a problem when you do it to the point of harm to yourself or family-balance.

Have a great holiday! talk to you later

Hope you had a nice holiday
I saw you left a message for twinny.
Thanks!

Morning Abbi,
Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you, Shelley my daughter has been unwell and what with being there for her and work i have had little time to get on here properly.
It rather disturbed me to think you were cut, as i have never heard of this before and it reminded me of being branded like a jew. This is so sad that the thoughts behind it all, and what they thought it could lead too. I have heard stories though where by brothers and sisters have met unknowing got married then found out, that must be arwful. I once saw a programme on tv about an american couple whom this hapened and they could havebeen put into prison.
I got rather confused and have had to read your message a couple of times, to try and understand that their has been some mixing up within your family, i bet you are thankful you never had that happen to you, yourself, but then you still feel for the others. I think that councelling should come to an adopted or fostered child rather than wait until that child becomes an adult, that way i feel things would feel more normal than wait until the child to become a screwed up adultlike some of my brothers and sisters.
I have not yet received a reply from Twinny, but don't worry i know that it could take time,and i am very patient
Must go got lots to do Diane xxxx

Abbi, i just thought i would tell you the ages of my brothers and sisters (it seems at first she never had herv legs shut!!)This is from my incubaters side......M 42, M 41, Me 40, F 39, M 38 F 37, F 36, M 20 (died at a few days old) F 18, F 16. So therefore i have a sister younger than my own!!!! My natural dad, Me 40, F 37, M 28, M 22. Could you let me know the ages of yours that way each of us can also get a better picture. If you would rather not i don't mind. Diane xxxx

I hope your daughter is ok now. Sorry to hear there were(are) problems. Feel free to say more on that ,or not.

Ages similar~ just older. I may be off a year here or there.

oldest(deceased)girl 59
boy 58(deceased)
oldest living boy 57
boy 55
girl 53
2 me (+twin) 50
sis 48
twins (one deceased)46
boy 44

There is disagreement about a 12th child
I believe he exists and is 56 (was adopted in 1958 if i am right)

Disreguard the mixing it is speculation.
They woud have been barely teen-children at the time,.
I should have not included that as no one will ever know for sure now.

Please do not feel pressured to answer right away, many things take priority over this and this will stay right here.