h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thursday 15th January 2010

Just as well I'm about as mentally and intellectually prepared as I am for this forthcoming Colostomy (I can recommend very highly the Colostomy Association - they're absolutely brilliant). I had to go to the GPs on Monday, and for a cool calm collected young man


(- they're all young nowadays if they're under 40 - what a sad indictment, eh?)

I've never seen him so animated or concerned... or glavanised into action, when I asked (slightly tentively) if stools should actually be black.

"No! They should be brown!" he said

"Ah. Then we've got a problem, Houston" I remarked "Mine are black - have been for about 2 weeks constantly now"

He went into an explanation that my stomach could be passing dried/dead blood into the bowel and said he'd Fast Track me for a Gastrophoscopy.

The Receptionist from Canterbury Hospital rang me today and I've an appointment with "Oncology" on Tuesday afternoon coming. I've elected to be mildly sedated because I want to work with them, and not struggle, as I know I'd be very likely to do - apparently it's not a pleasant experience and I've always fought not flighted, if it's something horrible going on.

Eldest Son's been elected/enlisted to come with me and take me home in a taxi afterwards.

I've just looked up "Oncology"; I had a feeling it was to do with cancer and tumours........and lo and behold, it is.

Oh bugger.

Just when you thought it was safe to come out.

Mind you... it may well account for why both stomach and abdomen are so grossly distended, and have been for the last couple of years.

And yes... I have drawn it to my GPs attention before ....AND the consultants... etc etc, and have just been told to lose weight

Don't they think I want to?

And *would* do? It's not lack of trying I assure you; I really *do eat very sensibly and everyone who knows me has often remarked I have a small appetite.

But regardless of a managing to keep my weight stable (although decidedly hefty)stable my belly has distended to hugely pregnant appearing proportions, and I'd prefer to wear Kaftans and things baggy thru choice, if you know what I mean.

Oh well; it's not long until Tuesday, so I won't have too long to wait, so I can't see the point of getting too stewed up about it really - if I've got a Nasty, then worrying won't do a thing to alter it. And if I haven't got a Nasty... then all the worry will be a waste of energy, won't it?

And besides, I've got my first appointment with the Colostomy Care Nurse tomorrow, so it's probably better to get one thing sorted at a time, one after the other.

But the word Oncololgy has certainly distracted my attention from the other word I don't like much - well, 2 words, actually - no, 3:Get it right.

Permanent: Colostomy: and Stoma.


On the plus side - and lets look at this flippantly and positively, I may yet achieve my wish of returning to a svelte dress and the 38-28-38 figure I had up until my late 30s/early 40s.

But obviously, in not quite the way I had hoped for.

Honestly. Middle Age don't half play pluck with a woman,sometimes

You don't do things by half do you?
As goes for the oncology check up, hope that all goes well; I guess they'll be putting the Colostomy things on hold whilst they are checking that side of tings out?: if not, then I think you oughta double check one 'side' is talking to the other as communication as you well know ain't what it oughta be within the medical professions sometimes

As goes the "Permanent: Colostomy: and Stoma" bit; My Dad had to have this done a few years back, and although he was pretty pissed off by it all at the time (largely due to their absolute cock-up in the first place in diagnosing his diviculosis until it was a critical emergency), he gets on fine with the whole thing now He's not really had to change his diet or anything like that, although, just say I think he's a bit more aware of how what he's eating affects 'things'... (mind that still doesn't stop him eating pickled eggs and pickled onions..... Much to the dismay of those about him )

You never know, the oncology bods might find somethign to explain the problems which could mean the Colostomy/Stoma bit doesn't need to go ahead? if that makes sense... Here's hoping anyhow that its all* good news and not too awful an experiance...

Thanks Leglets - I like the positive ideas there

Actually, realities kicked in a bit since I wrote that

(and no... why on earth do things by halves, eh?)

and I've called in reinforcements in the shape of Wendy the Witch - coffee and sympathy and as many hugs as I can get right now sounds like a good idea.

Didn't realise your old man had one of Them Ops - I'm obvioulsy in excellent company... despite the pickled eggs

Right - I'm off for a girly group hug; Wendy's arrived.

See ya in a bit

Pity I'm not closer... we could have a hug and cry trogether... Actually I've been less tearful since I had a good blubbery crying session and cuddle with my Dad's GF over Xmas
You'll be fine.... Afterall you're already doing the hardest bit; dealing with the medical profession and trying to get sense* out of them

Hi, Ev, with everything. Whatever the outcome is has to be better than continuing as you are. Keep giving yourself that very good pep talk and you will be

Communication seems to be a huge problem in the NHS which is disgraceful really when communication is faster and easier than it has ever been. It sounds as if you encountered one NHS who was on the ball anyway

I know it might be difficult but try and keep us informed, as we do worry about our friends.




Websailor

Thanks, you two

I *will keep you - well, everyone who's interested - informed, honestly, Webbie - I've been doodling an "Entry" trying to get my thoughts in order (I'll nip back and give you the Entry No in a minute) so if I'm silent on site, you're more than welcome to peruse.

And I'll shout and have a howl if I feel the need, but I've never been one for...well.. wailing in public, really. But I know you're all out there, and if needs be I can get a virtual cuddle or support.

What you *can rely on, is that if I did wail it's well needed cuddles and support! I can't bear "Cassandra-ing"!

Well, not very often, and not unless I've known someone for about 20 years! Not that I'm proud... or insecure or anything!

Tomorrow, because we had lots of Weather last week, and it was cancelled, I have my first appt with the Colostomy Care Nurse - if you can cope with it, I'll tell you all about it when I get home - without too many sick jokes, if I can manage it

I wish I could actually *stop being flippant - I'm not half as tough as I'd like to think I am... but the graveyard humour, and that flippancy seems to keep me going far better than...


well...
wailing

A60678507 whilst I remember.

Oh do please keep us informed and if the dark/graveyeard humour works go for it

Just done "todays" entry on my "Entry" Legster Have a bit of a ferrit and have a laugh if you like

I've got to log off now, as there's a supper to prep and a fillum waiting to be seen.

Its just up your street, actually.

Its all about Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll

Oh dear... that nurse sounds...
You'll be joinign the ranks of teh famous... or infamous with a stoma... there is a very err infamous singer who has one... (Or so my Father tells me)... I don't kno if I should tell you who it is though... it might give you nightmares

If it's Petula Clarke, I already know


OMG

It's not Alice Cooper... is it?

It is, (again according to my Father who's got a stoma and the bag), none other than the prince of darkness himself.... the most evil of all evil... yes... Cliff Richard

NO! Oh surely not?

Oh purlees

Ohnohnooohno..........I thought you said I'd be in elite company

You know... Mr 2 Legs, the Queen Mum....*nice* people.







O god...I feel so depressed

Have a young sir.

Infact, have 2

AND a

well I did same 'infamous' ooo <flan

You're just weird you know.

gods alone help us if we ever get a cheese smiley

imfamous, my bottom!

Indifferent.. yes, definately.

I know he's supposed to be the middleaged ladies favourite... but honestly... Cliff of all people.

Oh

Not the stoma, obviously. Thats not the deal.
It's just Mr Webb himself.

He's just sooo... well... kitsch generally

"You're just weird"
Can I quote that on my PS? ... you know... thats the nicest thing anyones ever said to me since.... Derby railway station circa 1997

I met Cliff once... really... on Lowestoft beach... seriously... in the summer... I think he was on holiday or something... I walked by... I said 'hello', and I think he said 'hi' then I just carried on my way...
My Father's always very bitchy about him... Recons he's had cosmetic surgery to hide all his wrinkles...
Well I did warn you

>>"You're Just Weird"<<

um... *really the nicest thing said about you since 1997 Legster?

That's tragic!

Yeah... go on then... you can quote me, if you really want to

This time tomorrow it'll all be done and out of the way, this inelegant photographic session of my stomach, won't it?
I hope I don't bite anyone. I'd really hate to do that. It'd be so embarrassing (for me).... and probably quite painful for them.


H'mmm... I wonder if they'll notice if I have a swift glass of this evening? It'd be purely for medicinal purposes, honest

Or maybe I should just have a quiet vodka instead?

Decisions, decision, eh?

<goodluck Ev, I hope things turn out well for you. I shan't expect an update till you are ready and I don't suppose you have any idea what will happen next or when?

Take care,

Websailor

goodluck with tommorrow, I'm sure it'll be fine

Yes, I think it was around 1997 ... someone called me a hippy...

Cheers Webbie - so do I

As it's a "Fast Track" jobbie tomorrow, I assume the results - whatever they are - will get back to my GP fairly rapidly, so I think I should hear before the end of the week. I'm working on the theory that the longer it takes to be informed, the less dramatic the result will be.

Just for once I hope they take their time!



I'm not sure what will happen after that - whether the stomach problem'll be addressed first, or the other end will sort out the stomach problems... or who will do what to me first. As soon as I know whats happening, believe you me I'll let everyone know pronto.

There's safety in numbers, sometimes, and I'm past being coy or modest any more.

Having said that, I've let god up at Barts know about this gastroscopy
myself, and have also asked him to put me on his waiting list. I'm sure my GPs probably done exactly the same, but I'm a great believer in Belt AND Braces just now.

You're right about the ease of instant communication nowadays... its so frustrating the NHS doesn't seem to have really joined te 21st Century very much in that respect, isn't it?

Hopefully between now and the 18 weeks I may have to wait for the Biggie they can all consult amongst themselves and sort out in which order they want to deal with whatever needs to be dealt with.

Actually, I must admit, I had such a nice day today - had a Girly Day with my friend in Broardstairs - I had no time to worry, and over the weekend I had such a lousy dose of Sheep Flu - as opposed to Swine Flu, because this just makes you fel rottern and very Wooley Headed! -I slept most of the weekend away.

But I am beginning to feel a little bit jittery for now, and I'll be glad when it's done and Wendy drives me home and the lads serve me up a nice (soft) supper tomorrow!


Gosh... this whole scenario is sooo unlike the home life of our own dear queen it's beginning to feel a bit surreal, too.

I've decided against the alcohol and sticking to a cuppa or 2 this evening, btw.

Thanks for dropping by missis