h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I moved furniture into my lair so you'll have to drop by and have some coffee or tea or whatever.

is the drink of the the Gods although I shall partake of orangejuice plenty of vitaimins for my active brain.

As for dropping by, my imperial Fortress is everywhere existing a few seconds into the future, pity that I have never truly needed it.

Oh, I forgot I've got so now you must see me! Mwahahahahahah!

Oh, I forgot I've got so now you must see me! Mwahahahahahah!

Drat it's the evil double posting disease!

I don't care much for cheese cake. But I might pop in or have been and have set an invisible bomb that will detonate ten seconds in the future the momreny you read this memo. Remember it exists ten secnds into the future so you can't see it?

How can I do this- my name isn't just a play on words!

So while I sip I shall await the explosion with baited breath!

My my you are evil, only the evilest of evils don't like !!

Wait a second that wasn't a bomb! It was a fruit cake with an alarm clock on it, which is almost as frightening.

You have an obsession with cheesecakes don't you? Did you form to an over love of a certain dairy product-themed dessert? Did Super Bufanda turn away from the light because the Evil Dark Lord Darkness offered you a slice of raspberry cheesecake?

My origins formed out of Professor Phileus Watt, sometimes glimpsed at in early adventures. A doddering old fool much like Peter Cushing's Dr Who.

He turned away from the light when Sir Lance ruined his career by messing up a time travelling experiment that exploded spiralling through his personal history and corrupting his future and thus- I a dark shadow sprung forward into being.

I became nothing less than a parasitical shadow corrupting his life until finally in a devastating aliterration experiment I emerged.

Raspberry! Raspberry! RASPBERRY!!! (how'd you like my Colin Baker impression?) No, the last thing I said to my unrequited love, Sarah Kinjies, was, " Save me a slice cheesecake, I'll be right back." Well, that's when I got pulled into the Dodecahedron of Infinity with Vhslek, the Shadrikan war criminal. THe null time fields caused a psionic merger between Vhslek and myself. When I was released we had merged into one malignant being. It was chocolate with strawberry topping by the way and not RASPBERRY.

So an accident involving a Dodecahedron, a cheesecake and a lot of merging, technobabble caused your terrifying tension-filled tormenting transmutation.

So why did did you transform back?

Someone fed me a varnished carrot. Sometimes the most complex problems are resolved by varnished vegetables.

Rather like Meglos in a way.