h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am rather afraid I am disappointed in the options presented. Although I believe your payscale is quite generous, I fear I would have to use my own initiative in this situation.
Steal the lolly-pop....and the baby and pram with the intention of raising the child yourself in your own Evil image is obviously viable, but what about:

Steal lollipop, child and pram, organise kidnapping of entire family when news coverage of child's abduction reveals who they are. Then, when baby grown to suitable trigger/button pressing size, reveal true origin of said Evil Image with the ultimatum of terminating blood relatives in a fiendishly sinister and diabolical manner to establish true Evil Intent. I would also suggest using video to record the conversion of innocence as a future recruitment fly on the wall documentary on national tv at primetime, thus revealing true genius and foresight. It may also swell fiendish ranks.

Previous applicants may have already expanded upon your original scenario. If so, then you may have the suitably Evil team I would work well with in World Domination Strategies. However, I am a little unclear as to the overall structure of your Evil Empire and am concerned that you are fully committed to your ambitions . I require three Dreaded Laboratories to perform Heinous experiments in, all provisioned with suitable equipment. A staff of around fifteen would suffice. Also, if I am to relinquish my WMWU post I shall require at least five Heavies to retrieve certain documents that would be invaluable. If all of the above is acceptable, I shall assume that your desire for world domination is genuine and will be pleased to begin plotting at your command.

CONGRATATIONS!! You are the first peson to answer the question correctly! One truly evil personages go the extra step and plan each evil deed as a way of obtaining the World Domination while increasing your Evil Mdia Profile (EMP to those in the know!).

Now I have more than enough space to suit your needs, we can build what you need to spec. From the ground up! Be warned though, the only thing on campus that is not allowed in all and any research, testoing with, experimenting on monkeys, winged monkeys, Evil winged monkeys or any other form of aminal with opposing thumbs (humans are OK though, that goes without saying!) I am the worlds formost authority in this field and will not tolerate breaches in this matter. There have been many, many others that have tried and they failed miserably and painfully! (There's a reason Stephen Hawking is in a chair! Quantum Physics my arse!)

I am a caring, understanding , appraochable boss, who belives in giving his employees the resources they need to complete thier tasks successfully and easily. Cross me and there's nowhere to hide! (I'm much like the Catholic Church, I have branches everywhere!)

MadHamish
(If you want in, we can talk, if not, we do not leave witnesses!)

Please excuse the poor spelling on the entry above, my secretary is useless and has since been fed to the EWMH.

MadHamish
(Cheap food humans!)

Yes, I believe these premises are most suitable, enough of the staff have evil hunchbacks and monocles. How should I refer to you then? Master? Oh Evil One? Evil Boss Dude?

I believe I shall be ready to began my nefarious career in your servitude as soon as the goons you provided have returned from WMWUHQ.
Providing ofcourse the man-eating pot plants I asked them to aquire along with secret documents have not had them for a light snack.

Once they return, is their any pressing matters you wish me to...deal with?

Yeeeees my evil minion! (always wanted to call people my minions).

I will leave you alone to set up for a while. Just buzz me if you need anything (number666 on the intercom).

oh......one little favour you may be able to help me with.......I was wondering, pondering on the usefullness of a WMWU!?! Is it the sort of thing that facilitates current plans? I think not. Take the "Lads" for cover.There is a large(and I mean large) stack C4 in the munitions hangar, help yourself and make me smile!! After that I shall leave you to your own plans, until I have further need of you.

MadHamish
(Welcome, and "Big Guy" will do....)

Of course...um..."Big Guy". I imagined that you may request that. It is a little unfortunate however that the WMWU has its own Winged Monkey Bomb defusing experts. I suggest sending one of your own highly trained EWM to infultrate them and...perhaps subvert the others. The documents I had retrieved shows certain weaknesses that may prove useful. I shall investigate the possibilities. It may be beneficial to your plans to take over this organisation to have a direct link to the...competition...know thine enemy and such.

OK Kreetch. This is your first test. there are three clear cut ways of getting around the WMBD units. It is up to you to find them (or at least one) and GET THE JOB DONE! Hmmmhmmm.....sorry....
If you wish you may utilize the "Gardener and his friends" for the job.(Contact details in your data base)

I never make a descision without evaluating all options. I have asked this of you, and expect results. Time to get down to business Kreetch, don't let me down after such a promising start.....

MH
(Every action fulfilled gains rewards)

It is done. If you turn to Channel 5 you will see an interesting report on the unfortunate "accident" that happened at 3am this morning. The authorities are covering up the explosion and subsequent bloodbath. No matter, conspiracy theories are running riot, as are the released WMWU winged monkeys, if you care to watch the live broadcast you may be pleased to see a few dozen of them wearing your face on a t shirt, look there's one of them jumping on the reporter biting her ear, and there's another attacking the camera man...now he's got the camera and he's focusing it on a group of released WM's...I'm not sure that I approve of the cheerleading outfits, however they do appear to be spelling out your name with their pom poms...
I decided to go along the infiltration path and subverted a few of the WM's who would be sympathetic to your cause. as you can see, the results are satisfactory, the WMWUHQ is no more, your media profile is now raised drastically and you have fresh recruits. Oh, after hacking into the WMWU computer's, I accessed their monetary funds, a total of 3 Billion US dollars has now been deposited into your own organisation accounts. I trust this pleases.

Well done! You have peformed most efficiently. Although I did appreciate the cheer squad, these ordinary winged monkeys are not very handy in the long run. We may just feed them to the others eventually. I have retained two of them for a couple of theories I have, you may do as you wish with them as long as it means their ultimate disposal.

You may choose anything from the "Evil" back hangar as a reward, (along with the 5.32 million that you skimmed off the top of the Union funds(I see all!) I appreciate innititive, but don't make a habit of it!

MH
(Next project is the world monopoly of all frozen yogurt markets! Mwaaahahahahahahahah!)