h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was recently oulining my plans for world domination here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F111526?thread=280913&latest=1 .. and your name came up in conversation. So I thought I would pop by and say hello. OK, so its not much of a start on the world domination front, but it seemed to be the thing to do. So: Hello.

Greetings!

Theres more than enough world for the two of us! (as long as you're happy with Morocco!)

MadHamish
(Mwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!)
(c)Maniacal laugh property of Flying Monkey Enterprises.

Morocco, Wales, Zurich, Lichtenstein and Omsk.

I have a list, but the rest is just details. I feel sure that Funderlik Industries and Flying Monkey Enterprises can make the world a better and more profitable place for both of us.

In the first instance, I recommend flooding the market in Belgium with cheap mass-produced balloon animals.

Interesting!! I had the notion of bringing the world to it's knees by cornering the world market in Nasal hair clippers and then holding the world for ransom!! "We will return you precious clippers for 1 billion dollars and the rights to the Brady Bunch series", (both TV and movies(existing and potential))

MadHamish
(What does the world do with no nasal clippers and too many balloon animals? Mmmwwwaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha, aaaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahahaha, aaaaaahahahahahahcough, cough, splutter.......corn, when did I eat corn??)

Oh no, Hamish and Funderlik together in the same room! Run away, run away... *Hides the caffeine*

Oh! Yes! Run Be afraid, be every afraid!!!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhaahhahahahahahhaha..gasp....gasp.....gasp......Aaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahaahaha....gasp....oh god....let me breath... pant........ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahha ........heave....pant....wretch.....hack.....hack........ gotta stop smoking arabian horse hair............

MadHamish
(World domination is only an inflatable dingy away!)

Oh! Yes! Run Be afraid, be every afraid!!!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha hahahhaahhahahahahahhaha..gasp....gasp. ....gasp......Aaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha hahhahaahaha....gasp....oh god....let me breath... pant........ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahah hahahahahahahahahahha ........heave....pant....wretch.....hack.....hack........ gotta stop smoking arabian horse hair............

MadHamish
(World domination is only an inflatable dingy away!)

Ah, yes, I used to get this too. But then I realised that the trick is to remove the horse. It was at that exact moment that I became aware of the true meaning and use of nasal hair clippers. The purpose of balloon animals still eludes me however.

Apparently it has to do with the hypnotic effect of the concentric spaces within the balloon animals. Hypnotised kids mean happy parents etc...etc..... Try starting at a balloon animal. After 30 seconds its effect is much like morphine apparently.

MadHamish
(So are you in or what?)
(I have Gweneth Paltrow on line also)

Oh my, they have found one another!

Obviously long lost siblings

Yes Abbi, it has begun!

Engage the "World Domination machine" Doc!

The time has come!

MadHamish
(It was only a matter of time!)

Sorry for the delay. I had to buy some batteries for the world domination machine, and wouldn't you know it, they were a size too small. I went back to the newsagents but they wouldn't give me my money back, so eventually I tried attaching it to the battery of a Lada by means of jump leads, which was ok for a bit, but then this spring fell out of the machine and rolled down a drain. Anyway, I'm working on it. It was better in the old days, really, when we just used tanks.

True! True! I myself often miss the Panzer years!! Try using a slightly chewed piece of gum to keep the spring in place! The old piece must have fallen off during the testing stage! Sorry about that!

MadHamish
(Lucky that I have a spare "WDM" in the garage! My butler Jeffrey is dusting it off right now! It's a 1945 model but he assures me it is well made (German I believe)

Any luck yet?
Your butler must be very fastidious with their dusting.

I don't know, this world domination business, it leaves me feeling, somehow, lacking in something ... I don't know. Maybe I should just stick to watercolours..

No it turns out that the Fluggelbinder was rotted away, so we are still waiting on a replacement part from Germany. As I was saying the other day, what we need it a WDM with little or no moving parts!
I have begun the design stage, ths will take time, my crayons are very hard to be accurate with!!

MadHamish
(Nothing wrong with Crayons, greatly underrated they are!!)

You sound like Yoda. "Hmmm, world dominators are they, yesss"

JEllen

Hmmmmmm Taking the Piss are we Hmmmmm?
Too big for our boots are we getting Hmmm?
Talking like this, stopping I cannot!

MadHamish
(How did you know Yoda was a mate of mine?)

It's running!!! The WDM is up and running! It's still a little smokey, but that is to be expected after 50 years in the garage! (Amazing considering I'm only 30!)
All I need now it to have enough wild field mice to feed into the stability device to stop it from blanching the intake valves!
Here we go, brace yourselves, world control is in our grasp!!!..........what...........not now........Aaaw!.......Gotta take out the bins, back in a second!

MadHamish
(It must be hard to be the parents on a evil genius!)

Well, that's great news.

In the meantime, I've been keeping myself busy by taking over the world bit by bit. I made myself some signs using toothpicks and the cardboard from cereal boxes. I wrote on each sign, 'Dr. Funderlik owns this bit.'

Then, late at night, I put one in my garden. Next morning, I hid in the wardrobe, but no one seemed to mind, so I bravely put another one next to the first. Soon my garden was covered in little signs, and if anyone gave me an odd look, I would point to the signs and say: "This is mine.".

But, why stop there? I thought. So, I started putting signs in the street too. Then I put some on the tables in McDonalds, and in the library, and the park, and on one of the main roundabouts into town. I was feeling pretty immortal by this time, let me tell you.

Yesterday, there was a knock on the door, and it was the police. They didn't say anything. They just came in and took my box of signs. One of them stuck his tongue out at me. That's the police for you. But they missed the box of toothpicks under the sink. I'll show them, soon enough, when I've had a holiday.

Ahah! Funderlik! Caught you posting during your vacation! It's so hard to stay away, isn't it? JEllen