h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi there,

Sorry to intrude unannounced, but I was looking at something in my 'Me and My Girl - the Musical' entry, which is part of your current batch and realised I'd written a truly terrible sentence. Any chance of changing it? The sentence in question is:

The score was expanded in 1952 when the show was released for amateur performance with an additional seven numbers added to the score, all with lyrics by their composer, Noel Gay.

Too much 'score', I think. Could you delete the words 'added to the score', to make:

The score was expanded in 1952 when the show was released for amateur performance with an additional seven numbers, all with lyrics by their composer, Noel Gay.

Thanks.

David

Sure, I'll fix it for you. I'll probably get to this some time next week, once I've gotten a rabble of pirates sorted (one Uni project plus another entry on piracy = eight entries currently being subbed and too few brain cells...).

As a sub myself, I know what it's like when I have two entries and an alleged life in the real world, so I can only imagine what your load is like...

David

I love subbing entries written by a fellow Sub: they're interesting, well-written, and need very little work. I think I'm done. Could you have a look and see if there is anything else you'd like to add or change? (Although personally I think this entry is just about perfect...)

Glad you like it. I always seem to waffle on a bit too much in my entries, so I'm pleased this manages to stay interesting.

A few very minor points indeed:

In the character list, description of Herbert Parchester:

"He tries to stir Bill up into rebellion against Her Grace and believes that as long as you can sing and dance, eat and drink, that there's really nothing to worry about."

I think there's an excess of 'that' in there (what it it with this entry and redundant words?). Maybe:

"He tries to stir Bill up into rebellion against Her Grace and believes that as long as you can sing and dance, eat and drink, then there's really nothing to worry about."

In the paragraph before Interval, there's this sentence:

"'A Bright Little Girl Like Me' took the place of 'I Would If I Could' and performed a similar function and 'Don't Be Silly, Sally' did the same for 'Take It On the Chin', adding a chorus of girls to help cheer Sally up."

I think we need a comma after 'function'. Feel free to disagree, though, as I can tend to punctuate rather heavily!

I've unearthed an interesting (?) fact about the film version - it has been lost forever. If this isn't somethign that would need to go through EF or Update, could you add the following sentence after 'the loveable Bill'?

"There are no known extant copies of this film."

Another comma moment. In the second song list:

"'The Sun Has Got His Hat On', a Noel Gay song from 1932 with lyrics by Ralph Butler opens the second act."

I think there should be a comma after Butler. Again, feel free to ignore me!

- - -

Thanks for subbing this. In nine days, I will be performing in this show, so haven't had much time for subbing, but will put my nose back to the grindstone once the week's performances are over.

David

I've made the changes you requested. One comment: I put the sentence "There are no known extant copies of this film." in a footnote because it seemed to break the flow of the paragraph. I'm willing to be talked out of this, however...

After reading the entry, I realised that I'd heard one of the songs. Herman's Hermits, a 60s pop band, did 'Leaning on a Lamppost' in one of their albums. (I'm a bit embarrassed to admit to a fondness for '50s and 60s pop music.)

Good luck with your performance!

A footnote is fine - I should have thought of that myself.

And there's nothing wrong with liking any genre of music (well, apart from an excessive fondness for Andrew Lloyd Webber, which is just plain wrong) - I can think of many worse things than 50s and 60s pop.

Many thanks.

David

Heh - poor Mr Webber can't get no respect...

I'll sent the entry on to the Eds. They won't know what hit 'em: nine entries in two days!

That's an awful lot of entries. And a truly extreme amount of pirates...