h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You guessed, I didn't get to drink the Chardonnay, well not the one I was suppossed to drink at any rate.
Machines and I are not meant to be friends, I suspect even acquaintances is pushing it.

The man with the van and things called 'tools' arrives.

'Keys?'

I assume he means car keys, after all, we've only just met.

'Coffee?'

'Yer battries flat.'

I do hope that 'battries' have something to do with cars, I don't think I can take personal criticsm today.

'Is that good or bad?'

'Mmmmm, well that depends' says man with van and proceeds to bring out things called toools.

I make coffee anyway. In the background I hear the glorious purr of a motor. Slopping coffee over newly washed floor, I run to embrace glorious man with van.

'It's better then?'

'No, it's not good I'm afraid.'

What does he mean? 'It's not good I'm afraid.' The b****y thing's going isn't it?

'Well it's working,' say I.

'So's all yer lights, Madam.'

Don't you just hate that 'Madam'?

'Well turn them off!'

'They are turned off, Madam.'

He's doing it to annoy me, I know he is.

'So what do we have to do?' As if I could do anything.

'I think it's yer 'lectrics, something to do with the alarm.'

'Can't you disable the b****y alarm...Sir?'

If he could he's not going to after that.
No, it now has to go to hospital and it can't go to hospital until tomorrow because it's ban collie day and it can't go to the local, and cheap, NHS hospital because it has something to do with 'lectrics, so it has to go to private hospital and they can't do anything for at least a week because they're 'up to our eyes in it'.

I wonder if the bus will break down on the way to the job centre tomorrow?

Such a shame Boots . I don't think even the technique of bravely holding back tears would have worked for 'lectrics.

Waz

Oh dear, boots, I'm sorry

The dear old Celica has had all but the most vital 'lectrix bypassed now.

H took it over when I got my new one as a stop gap till his new one is delivered. For a 13 year old car that had been driven hard it was doing well, until one morning as H was driving to work the alarm system caused the engine to cut out, he had to pull over into a bus stop and the car refused to go any further.

The irritating thing is that in 13 years the alarm has ~never~ worked and chose the one morning when H was in even more of a tearing hurry to get to work early.

Needless to say he walked home, took my car leaving me to organise the tow lorry and garage to sort it out.