h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Postman] "Thank you, have a nice day." *leaves you a very large and beautifully wrapped *

Thank you so much Mr. Postman. I can't wait to open it. Maybe there is a kitten inside? I think that I can hear mewing.
Or lots of very yummy chocolates?
Or a new woollen hat for walking in?

Thank you!

[Postman] "It came with a card"

*The card reads: you said you were doing poorly, here's something to cheer you up. Enclosed in the is a big mufflewump, some .*

Attached to the is a sticky note requesting your support for the smiley at F79114?thread=3853401.

[Postman] *frowns slightly* Not much for ya t'day ma'am. A few bills, a "pre-approved" credit card, and a birthday card that was lost in our system for approximately three years.

Don't mean to pry ma'am, but what was in that rather large package I delivered?

[Postman] By the way, if you're wondering why I am delivering mail on Sunday, but not on Saturday, the reason is simple. While on my way to deliver the mail I accidentally stepped into a worm-hole. Luckily I was only taken on day forward into the future, and three houses back. Since I already had the mail I decided to deliver it anyway.

Dear postman.

Thank you for the belated birthday card. It was from Uncle Barnaby who at the time was circumnavigating the in his bath-tub.

I had a super surprise upon opening my large package. It contained a one year supply of Jelly Babies. I am just biting into a green one.

Is it a lime or sour apple flavour?

It was mango flavoured. The green colouring was a ruse.

[Mailman]*places an invitation in the mail box*
It reads "You are invited to name my new fish, she is my most recent addition to the tank, hopefully some cute baby fish will be soon to follow."

Thank you, Sir, for the invitation. I hope that you are preparing the home in readiness for the young lady. She will need space, storage, and lots of love and attention.

You are quite welcome! In fact she already has a home and has already moved in, all that is left is a name.