h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello Ged, (belated) congratulations
I've been given your entry to sub-edit. I despised the first Alien film so much, I never watched any sequel, so that brings some problems for me now:

First you say:
>>leaving Ripley, Newt, Gorman and Burke in the APC, the marines then head into the Processor to rescue the colonists.<< ...then later:
>>Ripley then notices that the marines are right under the cooling system for the colony's nuclear reactor and that any stray bullets punchering the cooling - how does she notice ? She's far away in the APC ?


cursing to his death and Burke is cornered whilst trying to escape the others and is ripped apart

Is he trying to escape the other Aliens, or is he trying to rescue the others ? It's not clear for me

That's it for now, will get back to you if there's more


Bel

Change to...

"leaving Ripley, Newt, Gorman and Burke in the APC watching via helmet mounted cameras, the marines then head into the Processor to rescue the colonists."

and

"cursing to his death and Burke is cornered whilst trying to escape the others and is ripped apart by the aliens."

Thanks

Thanks, but the second sentence is how you've written it, so others means: other Aliens ?

Theer's more to come

>>As the marines search the colony, they find a very scared little girl - scarred or scared ? Both are possible, although I'd think it's the latter

Ok, last thing we know is that Newt is with the Alien Queen, the Ripley attacks the AQ and Ripley runs away,chased by the AQ, no mention of Newt - and then suddenly, they're all aboard the dropship.
I've changed that to: Ripley grabs Newt and runs back up to the landing pad - but I have no idea what actually happens

Its 'scared little girl'


Change the second bit too..
"Grabbing Newt, Ripley runs back up to the landing pad with the Queen hot on Ripley's heels. Ripley makes it to the landing pad to find the dropship has gone. The Queen is catching up with them and Ripley prepares herself for her death as the meltdown warning counts down. Then as Queen gets closer, the dropship suddenly swoops down scooping up Ripley and Newt. The dropship then flies off back to the Sulaco as the Colony is obliterated as the Atmosphere Processor explodes."

Hello Ged, thanks for that, it's much clearer now for the uninitiated

Hi Ged, would you please have a look at A14116691 to see if it's ok ?

Bel

Looks good to me

I've added a few links to h2g2 entries and have returned it to the eds now. Hope I haven't introduced any mistakes (I'm still a bit nervous about that).
Btew, I've had a look at the blobs you created, I'm impressed

Can't see any mistakes

Need to do some more artwork, but haven't had the time

Yes you have you'd just rather spend it playing rollercoaster tycoon

Pity you don't find the time, I've never had a blob on any of my entries ( hint, hint)