Journal Entries
And sucess is mine???
Posted Apr 1, 2003
I am living in the eye of a hurricane. This is about the most ironic place could possibly live, therefore this metaphor is chosen. I came into female contact to live deliberately, and what a hilarious thing to try to do, and a even more hilarious way to try to do it.
The Ex, who would have me believe that I infact am the dramatic one has now begun an adulterous relationship with her professor, this feels good. My current endeavour, a cute redheaded birdie has begun to take advantage of my casual air; taking our lack of discussion as to relationship standards to subtextually end our involvement.
But I remain in the center... My plays being produced as I care less and less of the results, everything is coming out, everything is going as planned. Tear me down world, for my roots are deep.
Or I'm overcompensating, you make the call.
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Latest reply: Apr 1, 2003
It's most likely time to eliminate the humanity from myself
Posted Mar 30, 2003
Yes yes, and don't try to stop me. This needs to come to pass, I can't beat the people until I eliminate myself from them.
Sure, I've done well, relatively... Even I can no longer guess my motivations for most thought and all action, but I'm meeting with resistance. Be it the red-headed birdie who takes advantage of my lack of outward facing emotion to blindside me with nonexistant contact or the doctoral cantidates rambling on with more obscure references then the last, simply to win a transient battle or little worth.
Don't question me or manipulate me anymore, I'm going beyond this, now I will be no-man.
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Latest reply: Mar 30, 2003
Now I understand the Midwest
Posted Mar 6, 2003
I've lived in San Antonio TX, and in Hackensack Minnesota. I've visited Europe and New England and the islands and whatever else. But mostly I have lived in the midwest. And never a more indigent people have I found. They're just plain unhappy and mean, and I think I understand why: I had assumed it was the breadbasket and it's values, or the fear inherent in suburbia that someday those urban minorities would come and rape our daughters, but it's not; it's just the weather. In Minnesota it is almost always bitterly, intolerably cold. But the people smile and drink cocoa and fish and all that crap. In Texas it's usually to hot for any kind of life to possibly prosper, but there the people are with hospitality that could easily kill a bison, Santa Anna, or an entire race of people. But in the midwest there are both these extremes, and while it is generally assumed Texas will be hot and Minnesota cold, you don't want any of that in Illinois. When it's cold people scream and flick eachother off with frostbitten fingers and say "what the hell is this, Minnesota?" And then summer comes and the people accuse eachother of stealing the last of the oxygen and everyone lays around trying to summon the strength to murder their neighbors. And all the while they say "If I wanted this I'd have moved to Minnesota."
When you think of it as a matter of us all having brains too small to predict and accept weather patterns, it becomes kind of, oh I don't know, charming? So Keep up that indignation and resentment of your situation midwesterners, because it's what makes you special, and what makes you cute.
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Latest reply: Mar 6, 2003
Making a Journal
Posted Dec 27, 2002
I hadn't realized until this moment that we all got little pages with which we could 'home' things up a bit. I've never been one to create journals, besides when I was drunk maybe, or deeply depressed, and these things usually disappear to quickly to handle any kind of time span. But, I'm sure I can write anyway. Not now though, maybe in a couple hours. I have things on my mind, deeply personal things that I'm not sure find the best medium in public arena. But I'll be back, maybe tonight, and I can expound upon my career and it's failings my interests and there intangible failings, my life and it's ultimate failing and my love and it's almost indefinite and immediate utter failing.
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Latest reply: Dec 27, 2002
Mark James
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