h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Mudhooks,

Just wanted to let you know I liked your very informative post about SSRIs on the George Misspeaks thread. You might be interested in reading my Journal entry on Abilify - it's not an antidepressant, but it is a rather unique medicine that is beginning to be used to treat bipolar illness.

Are you still involved with the UU church? I've been attending a UU church for almost a year now - they are a wonderful group of people.

JEllen

I'll have a look at your space.

I am glad that you have found the UUs. Hopefully, you are finding what you need there.

Yes, I am still involved with the UU fellowship. We are on hiatus for the summer.

In a decision that broke my heart, but was my only recourse, I actually quit in a huff last Spring. Itwas over problems that I and my co-music person were experiencing due to a lack of consideration for the atmosphere prior to services and for the music we were presenting.

After I quit, it forced them to take a look at certain priorities. I have been assured that they are addressing our concerns, so I am going to go back in September.

There have been a number of ongoing issues which, over the 8 years the Fellowship has been in existence, have gone unaddressed. Things like people not consulting with us in regards to the music and us having planned a Sunday program, only to find that the Service Leader has gone and picked music or asked a musician to come in. After 8 years of having people do this, it came to the point where, if I didn't make a stand, neither one of us would be willing to continue.

The other issue was the often disorganized preparations for a service.

Here beginneth the Rant.... (hope you don't mind)

The next-to-final straw was one Sunday (International Women's Day), when I was prepared to go with the music 5 minutes before the service, but had been told that someone would be providing me with the music. That person didn't arrive until the time the service was to begin. The choir was still practicing in the hall when the service should have been starting. The Service Leader and a number of the women who were participating in the service went to breakfast and didn't arrive until 5 minutes AFTER the service should have started. When I got the music, it wasn't marked on the CD where the song I was to play was. When I finally found the piece and played it, the Service Leader was still wandering around chatting with various people. I played the music again, and when it finished, the Service Leader was standing chatting to someone behind her. As the music ended, she announced to this person "I had better get to the bathroom before I start the service." It was now 12 minutes after the service should have been under way.

At that point, I turned to my companion and asked him to take over. "I'm going home."

Two weeks later, after the choir was again practicing past when we were supposed to do or sound check, and past when our music was supposed to start, I emailed the President of the Board and the Sunday Service Committee about the issue. The only reply I got was from the President who suggested that, if there was a conflict with the music for the service and the choir practising, we "should pick shorter pieces". That was the final straw.

That was it for me. I felt that if the priority was to have the choir (8 people who can sing, sort of) practice, rather than ensure that we had a good service, my priorities were obviously not meshing with the Fellowship's.

I sent an email explaining the issues and that I felt that when suggestions to improve the services were made, they were either ignored or dismissed, and problems were not only continuing but almost encouraged; when I got feedback from people after the service and passed them along, they were ignored; and even when people had left the Fellowship as a result of dissatisfaction, no one seemed concerned. I also said that my concerns were not for my benefit, but for that of the Fellowship.

I have been assured that changes are going to be made. We shall see.

Feel free to rant, you have good reason to be upset. They were taking advantage of you, I hope that they will listen to you and things will be better in September. Yes, you shouldn't have to be starting services late and so on. Can't the choir practice earlier? We start our services in a nice way, by ringing a buddhist chime bowl. It gets everyone to shut up and sit down, and service usually proceed on time.

We start our services in the same way, with the same bowl.

The problem is that where we meet is a single room where everything takes place. The choir practicing is a new thing that they started last year. Prior to that, they practiced during the week. It is difficult to get everyone together for practice, so they decided to practice before the service.

This would be fine, if they would agree to meet earlier. However, when I suggested that, they said it was "too hard" to get everyone there earlier. As I said to the Board, the minister, and the Sunday Services Committee, perhaps this should tell us that we aren't ready to have a choir.

I likened it to arriving at the theatre and having the cleaners vacuuming and the orchestra practicing 15 minutes before the show.

A few years ago, I went to a conference for UU Music Directors and choir-masters. It was really interesting and, while much of it was geared to larger concerns, there was a lot of information for small and new congregations who want to start a music program.

I came back with a lot of ideas to present. I asked repeatedly to be able to present my report and kept being put off. Finally, I just let it go.

One of the first things we should have done was, long before we were actually going to have a music program, was to determine what sort of music program we hoped to have in 5 or 10 years, and to set ourselves sensible goals towards that. This ensures that you don't overeach the ablilities or the resources of the growning fellowship, and, conversely, not to miss chances of nurturing the program you hope to have.

When I said this, and gave the reasons for needing to set goals, even years before, the Chair of the Sunday Services ctte. just shot it down saying "we aren't ready for that and won't be for years". Which is precisely the whole point of what I was saying.

Since we don't have an actual Music Director, we have people who volunteer to do things and, because they are volunteering, the Board says "sure" without really looking at the resources available to do such things. These people may have good intentions, but others do things for their own betterment. One such person is the woman who has been organizing the choir.

She is a music teacher and supposedly can play the piano, though no one likes her piano playing. She also is very self-centred and tends to blow her own horn, often in the guise of "See what a nice, sensitive person I am" while trampling all over everyone else's feelings.

She tends to just block out whatever is going on around her and forgets the time. They all get wrapped up in what they are doing and just continue practicing, despite the time.

Meanwhile, because the choir is singing at the top of their lungs at the back of the room, everyone else is trying to set up. People come in and, because they see the place in disarray and a lot of noise going on, figure theyu have time to chat, to potter off to the bathroom, go off for coffee, or a multitude of other things.

I have tried to tell them that there has been a lot of feedback from people that they hate coming into the room when it is in chaos. I agree. If you want people to come in, sit down, shut up and get ready for the service, you need to set the mood.

Having only what absolutely needs to be done for the service itself in the last 15 minutes before the service means that people will come in and sense that the service will start soon.

It is very simple.... but it is like talking to a brick wall with most people.

When I quit last season, I got calls from a number of people who quite agreed with my feelings, and the suggestions I was making. Whether these people have made, or will make, an effort to offer their opinions to the Board and the Sunday Services ctte. or not, I can't say. I hope it is not a case of my tiny voice in the wilderness.

There were other reasons why I finally decided to quit last season, as well. I had issues over the fact that there is one person who is repeatedly asked to do services (actually, the same woman who is in charge of the choir). She is awful. When one looks around the room during her services, people are actually cringing (me included). There are others who have been asked once, given a terrific service, and then been turned down the next time they offer.

This same woman is consistently ruining all the hymns she plays the music for and sings really loud and higher than most other people can sing.... not to mention off key. AND she is paid! She is, aside from the minister, the only person to get paid.

She is also the worst offender for not contacting us about the music and then forcing us to dump our programs that we may have worked on for two weeks.

When I, or others, express their feelings about this woman, we are told "Well, she is very sensitive and we need to nuture her....". My question was "Why?". At what point should she take responsibility for her own life. And what about the feelings of others?

Acchhhh! I can't even talk about it without getting mad....