h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...ended prematurely. So for the past couple of years I've been filling in for the grim reaper.

Here's one of my ever so irregular updates on my life outside netland. All of my life seems to be outside netland lately, should have got the toyboy a PC.

I suppose I should start with why I disappeared from h2g2 in the first place. So, to December 2004, the month my grandfather caught flu. He was taken in to hospital to administer anti-biotics - his weight hasn't been above five stone since I was a kid, he really needed the extra care - and died six hours later of blood poisoning/kidney and liver failure. He was 83 and had been immobile for years, so I was more upset for my grandmother than grieving for a life cut short. His funeral was on Christmas Eve.

My boyfriend's grandmother was diagnosed with cancer in January 2005. She fought it for four months even though she was in hospital the whole time and, being an insanely close family, her daughters and sons kept a constant vigil at her bedside. So I had to look after the kids, two boys aged four and five, a bit of a challenge considering I have an aversion to short people - but I owed it to my granny-in-law. I'd known her for eight years and she'd always been good to me, she was good to everyone. She died in a hospice on June 9th, and her insane family still turned up with cards and presents on my birthday the day after, including a present from granny-in-law herself. Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of discomfort I felt when I offered condolences and got 'Happy Birthday' in return. Just plain weird.

Now on to February 2005 and the day my other grandfather started behaving very oddly. We first began to worry when he became obsessed with saving the Pope. He was a Mason with Nazi tendencies so it struck us as a little odd. He almost came back to his old self when the paramedics arrived to take him to hospital - in green overalls. The abuse those poor people took. He died in hospital the next day, on his wife's birthday.

November 2005 saw my grandmother, the Nazi Mason's wife, diagnosed with lung cancer. She gave up smoking in her thirties and was a little peeved that she wasn't exempt. We visited her every day, but she took it so badly that you never knew whether you'd get a punch or a hug when you walked through the door. She stopped eating and just gave up. She was given two years to live but died this March. She was cremated on my sister's birthday.

So, I have one grandparent left, my big Irish granny. Bizarrely, she's always been the one with the greatest number of life threatening conditions - she has serious diabetes, she's had two triple bypasses and she's prone to DVT - but she was always the jolliest. Seems that happiness can stretch your life against all odds.

I'm moving into my own place tomorrow (finally) so I probably won't be around again for at least a few months. I'm finally leaving my crazy daddy on his own. He seems to deal with his schizophrenia a lot better since we moved house. He has a car now, although legally he probably shouldn't, and he's still a great driver. He also took up marine fishkeeping again, which I love too, and has all sorts of invertebrates and fishies. Casualties have been rare even though he has a habit of picking up rescue cases that are lying in the bottom of pet shop aquariums inches from death. My favourite cleaner shrimp Aggie died, killed by stinging corals at the prime of her life. She used to try to clean my fingernails. Kim didn't miss her for long. We put a new pair of shrimps in with her. She killed one and paired off with the other.

I'm pretty much starting a new life now - looking for work, getting a new flat, taking driving lessons. It's about time. I'll be sharing a flat with my boyfriend, his brother and his mentally unhinged best mate. I'll still worry about my Dad but I'll be back once a week to clean up and do his shopping. And hopefully he won't follow up on his plan to get a shotgun and kneecap every Ned within a square mile. He was mostly joking.

Until we meet again, be excellent to each other.

Very..err eventful

make sure you keep in touch this time! my mobile is 0791 494 7229, half of hootoo know it anyone so no harm in posting it here

I will keep in touch. I promises.

Do you have a camera phone so I can send you some pics? I reckon my boyfriend looks a bit like yours.

Not anymore unfortunately it died!

Can always sorting oumailing so though..actually if you go to his page through my space hes got a link to his yahoo albums, the brighton pics should confirm any lookylikeness plenty of drunken meet pics too

I saw a pic of him in the h2g2 Friends gallery that azahar runs. They have to be related. I'll have a go at putting some pics online tonight and leave you the addy for your next PC-using opportunity.

Ahhh he looks completely different to the pic in azs gallery now hes put on weight grown his hair n has a goatee now hes all skinny n short haired in the az pic

Just had a look at the newer pics. He looks more like toyboy now, and he's the spitting image of his uncle. That's not an insult, his uncle is only 28.

Hes not even 24 let alone 28

Beejeesus! You're as bad as me you old slapper!

I've got some pics online http://members.fotki.com/Codpiece/about/ if you get a chance to look. There's a couple of your boyfriend's nephew in there.

At least i didnt used to babysit him!

hello only me my number is if you ever visit again 07871181797

Tart!

howsyou?

i am fine going to be on here more soon we're getting broadband.... woohoo. so until then play safe.