Journal Entries
Useless Creation IV
Posted Feb 6, 2003
The Cockroach. OK, you probably know that i have an aversion to things that go "squish", but I also have an aversion to things that go "crack" and then "squish". Namely 'The Cockroach'.
God really pulled out the stops with this little creation didn't he? Bad enough that it only comes out at night, but those wiry antennae, waving incessantly in front of this brownish/black casing, simply makes my flesh crawl. Apparently even if you stand on one, you might not actually kill it. Worse, if it is carrying eggs, these may attach to the underside of your show and be transferred to other parts of your house 
. If that's not enough, IT CAN LIVE FOR DAYS, WEEKS EVEN, WITHOUT IT'S HEAD !!!! Ye Gods! A pox on them all.
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Latest reply: Feb 6, 2003
Useless Creation - Part III
Posted Jan 2, 2003
Just what is the deal with jellyfish then? They go floating around the oceans of the world, allowing themselves to be swept close to the seashore - where bathers are wont to paddle - with the sole intent of stinging whatever comes into their path.
You can't even eat them. Although the Japanese do eat fugu fish, so perhaps they are partial to a bit of jellyfish as well, if anyone knows pease tell me.
I have been to aquarium's and seen those tanks shaped like columns that contain many jellyfish, all wibbling beautifully up and down the tank. They do look lovely, their translucence nicely illuminated from above and below ... but they are completely nasty creatures. Full of stings and squishyness. I guess if you have read my previous entries, you will notice a common motif here - I can't stand squishyiness. There is something deeply unpleasant at having something ooze out of your fingers (or if you are really unlucky, toes) that sends shivers down my spine.
Ugh! Double ugh!!
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Latest reply: Jan 2, 2003
Another Useless Creation
Posted Dec 17, 2002
Snails - ugh! Come on God, was this the upgrade to the original slug? I have to give you some credit, at least with snails you have a bit of protection between the snail and your foot. Admittedly not enough to protect the snail, but at least there's a good chance that the sanil will completely retract into the shell, thus saving any nasty, cold, squishy sensations in the toe area.
Mind you they can be eaten, which is more than can be said for the slug, so perhaps they are not totally useless.
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Latest reply: Dec 17, 2002
First Journal Entry
Posted Nov 17, 2002
Oh God, another boring title - but it is what it says on the tin ...
November 02 - Bored bored bored! Nothing on TV, well nothing worth watching anyway, mindless internet surfing has highlighted the fact that there is an awful lot of CRAP on the net.
Looked in my faves folder, but none of the pages sites have been updated. ah - H2G2 - haven't opened that in ages. Wasn't there something I meant to do ........ oh yeah - write a journal entry!
What should I do with this journal thing then? Answers on a postcard ...
Best thing appears to use it as a stream of consciousness, and just have a good old rant. What should I rant about today then ......
SLUGS
I hate them. Horrible, juicy, squahy underfoot things that apparently serve no purpose but to eat my Hostas and lie in wait on the kitchen floor for me to wander in, barefoot, without switching the light on. EEEWWWWW!!!!
REally, if anyone can tell me what slugs are actually for, I will be very grateful. Every gardener I know hates them, I mean bees, although equipped with a painful sting, are useful. Most flyig insects that visit flowers will help to spread the pollen about a bit, but for heavens sake, what prompted God to make slugs?
I can see it now:
GOD - "Let's see, birds - fine. Beasts - lovely, particularly pleased with elephant:used up a lot of that suplus skin. Reptiles - nice. Man - hmmm, not sure: will wait and see. Now, what about this bit of squishy stuff left over from stuffing Adam's nasal tract? Oh I know, I'll make a little animal out of it .....
God, if you're out there (and if he is why shouldn't he be subscribed to H2G2?)can we have an official ruling on the usefulnes of the slug?
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Latest reply: Nov 17, 2002
Snitnop
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