Journal Entries
August 30 2002 1:05 p.m. pst
Posted Aug 30, 2002
Why do some people feel that they should be the exception to the rule? This is what is making my last nerve about to rip apart and spew acid on everything in range; why do some people believe that they are not responsible for their actions? Why is it that there seems to be a breed of human that thinks that everyone else is on earth to take care of their needs, or to bail them out when they get in trouble? And it's not just that, it's the WAY they go about it.
I have someone I have known for almost my whole life, and I love this guy. It's the guy that I met that I love anyway. Nowdays, it seems that when he contacts me, it never turns out good. And I had not heard from for about 3 years, and he shows up to "try and make good and apologise for all the pain he had caused in the past". So I let him in my life, but I am very cautious, and a little cynical. We talk on the phone daily, I see him for an evening, and maintain my distance from his hugs, which is very difficult, I am needing hugs right now, and this has been for about a month. Then yesterday, he hits me with he is not able to pay his rent so he has to move his mobile home out of the park he has been in for 7 months. He tells me he needs money, but does not ask outright. However he also knows I have plenty of room where I live to park his "home", and I can tell he is wanting me to offer. Then he says that he has a friend who is a drug dealer that he can borrow from (which is not good, he is a recovering addict), and I am churning inside. I kept strong and told him I had no money and I did not offer to let him move to my place, but you know, the thing that hurts the most is that I think he got in touch with me for JUST these reasons! I used to be very co-dependent with him, I would just about kill myself to help him. But that was a long time ago, what makes him think he has the right to be like that now? I don't think he is really "recovering" like he should be. I am familiar with addiction and how the addict behaves. I guess that I expect more from him than this petty crap.
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