h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You wouldn't believe what kind of an idiot I am. So I want to have some green beans out of a can, right? But I cannot find the can opener anywhere. I mean anywhere. And you don't realise how useful a can opener really is until you need to open a can. So I get the biggest knife I can find and manage to puncture the can and kind of dig myself an opening. Now I figure I can pour the beans into a bowland eat them out of that, only they don't pour out very well.

So now, I'm kind of getting frustrated becase, first of all there should be a can opener and second of all I really shouldn't want to eat canned green beans this badly. So I kind start prying up the top of the can with the knife, only that doesn't really work too well,so I start just jabbing the hell out of the can top and this is working pretty good. So now, I'm holding the can with my left hand, and jabbing this giant knife into the top with my right hand. Just jab, jab, jab, jab, jabjabjabjabjabjab jabjabjabjabjab jabjabjabjabjab jabjabjabjabjabjabjabjabjabjab when, jab, you guessed it, right into my left thumb.

It doesn't hurt too bad, and I pull the knife out and just sort of look at the wound, which is just a clean cut all the way down to the thumb knuckle. And I just can't believe I've done this too myself and that's when Goosh! Just a gush of really, really, red blood. So I make my way to the bathroom, bleed into the sink, and put some pressure on it.

I probably needed stitches, but the Yankees were playing Boston so I decided just to put a couple of butterfly bandages and that was it. It feels okay now. And to think I could have went to the bar to watch the game, but no I had to talk myself out of it, Stay home, I said to myself, 'save yourself a couple of bucks by eating a little something her and not buying a couple of beers.

Moralof the story: Always keep a can opener handy, or else go to the bar to watch the baseball game.

Hiya! Have you found the can-opener already? I think objects have their own way of hiding from you when you need them the most. And sometimes it doesn't help whether you have a photographic memory or not. They just flat-out disappear, sorta their way of making a mockery of you. And when you hardly ever need them, voila...they show up right in your face. I'm glad that all you had was a minor cut. With all the jabjabjabjabjabjabjab that you did, it could have been worse.

I did find the can opener, earlier today in fact, miraculously placed in the very drawer that it had been missing from.

How did you find my journal posting, anyway? It's tough to come across those when you're just out browsing around, I'm curious as to how you meandered to my secluded corner of the universe...after all you are the first posting...

And you're right it could have been worse.

Buy ya a beer?

I came across your journal entry when I clicked on the "Who's Online" icon. Your name was interestingly short so I decided to pay you a little visit. And I'm only glad that I took an effort to do so because checking out your space, after all, hadn't been a waste of my energy.

Anyhow, I'm not really a beer drinker but I do like ROOTBEER. Thanks for your offer, though. That's nice of you. But hang in there because who knows, a rootbeer smiley might just be available anytime soon. And when that happens, I guess you'll know what to do.

What can I get you? , or something else? Lemme know.

a bit of >coffee< couldn't hurt I suppose..

specially this time o night...

I mean ...

you'd understand my error if you could see me current condition

All I want to know is did you ever get the beans out all right? I'll buy you the beer for all the effort! Damn those cans! sometimes it may pay to buy frozen vegies - or just go to the bar like you said!

Nice entry...
Entertaning.

Later.....

I'm glad you asked.



Thank you.

After I was all bandaged up, and the stomach queasiness faded, (I had felt a bit faint)I was really hungry so I went back in and this time (very carefully) cut the can till it was open all the way, and plopped out into my bowl.

aaahhh. that hit the spot...

Here's a for you!

Have you ever considered a spair can opener? Ther even make the kind that mount under your counter tops so you never misplace them!

I got no extra can opener. Although the idea of having one seems convenient, I pretty much can resort to a knife in spilling out beans or something. How about you?

I only have one can opener. But if worse came to worse my Gerber multi-tool knife has a can opener in it. I have used it (can opener) camping before. The knife, pliers and assorted tools are handy at work.

mounting can openers?

weird...

ooh. coffee... thank you, microwaveable. mmmm...

i get what you're saying about the spare can opener, I'm just a "keep a backup can opener handy" kind of guy.

but I might have one of those tiny camping ones in my camping stuff... that might be handy...

Yes mounted. My mother has one. Its an electric can opener that is screwed into the bottom of the kitchen cabinents. Were in the states by the way.

Saves counter space if you want an electric can opener. I personally like the hand wind type that you can throw in a drawer.

Later

oh, yes, stateside myself...

just not an electric can opener sort of fella, though I can see how you'd never misplace one of those...

but yeah, hand wind was what I was looking for, hand wind I didn't find and hand wind was what showed up a day later in the very drawer it was supposed to be in...

Thats never happend to me with a can opener. But I have had other things walk away and come back later when I didnt need them!!

This is gonna sound naive but in my almost 20 years of existence, I've never seen an electronic can-opener ! But that doesn't make me less than anybody else, does it?

So you're both from the States huh. Too bad I come from a different continent altogether. Asia, to be more specific.

Who am I, won't you tell us what your name is? It's been quite a while. I suppose by now, you must have remembered it already. Or keeping it unknown to us is a way to prolong the mystery? Come on...

Slinger, did I tell you that I liked reading your mock-obituary write-up? Four wives and 20+ children huh. Now that's quite a handful. Anyhow, Too bad there isn't a honey smiley here. Otherwise I'd offer you some to keep you allergy-free. Keep yourself well. Here's a for y'!

You sure you want to know who I am? Its pretty complicated. But if you really wanted to know I could clue you in a little. Then you could remind me in the next time I forgot who I was. I would say you could try clicking on my space to se a little more, but can tell you already did. Call me Duffey for now!
Bye!!

Hey Duffey...the slayer!